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APRIL 10, 1987/MONTROSE VOICE 23
OH, I CM* SEE SMOKEY,
AU-WGOT-Ht-UST
PICKS> KW> SPOT
TWIT TOR ME-
The Yellow Man's Burden
The Innocent Bystander
By Arthur Hoppe
I had read nervously about the fall of
the once-mighty dollar, but nothing had
prepared me for the arrival of Mr.
Yutaka Hibachi at my door. Mind you,
he was polite and outwardly considerate as he introduced himself to me and
handed me his card.
What alarmed me
was the announced
purpose of his visit.
"I wish to buy your
house," he said with
a little smile and a
small bow.
I was about to tell
him, in the interests
of international
friendship, to get
lost. But several recent experiences
stayed my tongue. One was the way the
edge of my paint scraper disappeared
into the window sill in the bathroom
last Sunday; another was the growing
brown stain in the bedroom ceiling
which has been much on my mind
lately; and third was a small noise I
heard coming from the floor joists under
the living room the other night: it
sounded like chewing.
"Come right in, Mr. Hibachi," I said.
(What did I care about international
friendship?) "You're planning on moving here to live?"
"Live?" he said, looking surprised.
"Here? In this house? Oh, no, I am doing
very well with my company in Tokyo,
thank you. But my wife thought it would
be nice to have a little rustic retreat.
Some place to get away from the hustle
and bustle of modern life."
"Oh," I said. "Well, we are a couple of
minutes away from downtown. But,
look, it's only two bedrooms and a
breakfast nook. It's not very big."
"Yes," he agreed, "that's why we're
buying the block. Tell me, would those
interesting— ah— furnishings be
included?"
"I suppose I could let you have the
tee-vee, the stereo and the VCR," I said.
"Ah, yes," he said. "Do you have anything that is not Japanese?"
"Oh, sure," I said, picking up a tea
cozy my Aunt Cora had knitted.
"There's this."
You would've thought I'd offered him
the Saudi crown jewels, the way his eyes
lit up. "An authentic native handicraft!" he exclaimed, holding it up to the
light. "How much are you asking for
this indigenous treasure?"
"Well," I said, "I happen to know she
could use $10 to buy into tonight's Double Keno Game at St. Jude's."
"Ten dollars?" said Mr. Hibachi.
"How much is that in real money?" He
punched his wrist calculator. "Why,
that's less that 1500 yen!" he said .
incredulously. "How many of these can
this Aunt Cora turn out a day?"
"Oh, maybe one a week," I said "More
if there's something good on tee-vee."
His shoulders sagged. "It's the poor
working conditions and lack of technology that keep you Americans from
reaching the economic takeoff point,"
he said. "It's no wonder you're a debtor
nation, forced to buy your necessities
from the advanced industrial powers."
"Now, wait a minute," I said.
"Please," he said, holding up his
hand, "I happen to admire the way you
easygoing Americans drift through life
as though you didn't have a care in the
world. We hardworking, ambitious
overachievers could learn a lot from
you."
"Hold on there." I said.
"Meanwhile, we'll get you the technical help you need to make something of
yourselves, like an automated, digitally
calibrated knitting machine for your
Aunt Cora. It is the duty of us technologically advanced societies to assist you
underdeveloped people in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps so that
you may become our equal trading
partners. Someday."
That did it. The heck with international friendship. I did what any vengeful victim of economic colonialism
would do: I sold him my house.
©1987 (S.F.) Chronicle Publishing Co
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Fortunes
Competent is the
Word for Capricorns
By Mark Orion
Your Horoscope from the Voice
For Friday evening, April 10. through Friday
morning. April 16. 1987:
ARIES—While this may not be the dark
night of the soul, it's no bed of roses
either. It isn't realty that things are so bad,
more that you have some important and
difficult decisions to make when you'd
rather go out and play. Sorry, Aries. Take
care of buiness.
TAURUS—An ability to laugh at yourself and see the humor in your ways can
be a valuable asset. You won't be doing
things much differently, butyou'H be able
to stand back and at least giggle. Meanwhile, your plans and schemes aretaking
nice shape.
GEMINI—Have you learned to go with
the flow yet? If so, you're swimming in
some fine waters this time. If not, you may
be in over your head. "Go with the flow"
doesn't mean the same thing as getting
carried away. The surface may be calm,
but there are rip-tides and crosscurrents.
CANCER—You can learn a lot about
yourself. Your ability to stick with it and
plan through may surprise you and
impress others. Even if you always
thought you could, really doing it is
another thing. Congratulations. Keep on
keeping on.
LEO—Everyone should have a Leo for
a partner right now. You've got the kind of
mind and energy that knows how to give
anyone the best. The danger is that you
may want to give everyone your best. One
at a time, please, one at a time.
VIRGO—In thinking about your planning for the future, don't forget what the
present requires of you. Someone close
may be upset with a space case of a mate
if you do. You're "there," but where else
are you? Don't be isolated in dreamland.
LIBRA—You were almost too hot for
words last time! Now that you've cooled
down a bit, merely glowing warmly, why
not bring your friends together for some
entertainment? Spring's here, and if
anyone knows how to celebrate its pleasures, you do.
SCORPIO—While everyone else is
planning vacations and trips, you'll be
more than satisfied to stay home. In your
unusual calm and peacefulness, small
everyday things will give you great pleasure and joy. Stop to smell the roses!
SAGITTARIUS—You can give your
best to the group now. Whether it's family, friends, business associates or an
organization you're part of, you can do a
lot for everyone involved. Your lack of
selfishness and desire to give makes you
extremely attrative.
CAPRICORN—Competent is the word
for Capricorns now. Calm, cool, and collected are others that describe the way
you're feeling. There's a nice give-and-
take with lovers, and a better understanding with coworkers. It all adds up to a
fortunate time.
AQUARIUS—In the serarch for that
perfect lover, you keep on running into
yourself. Self-discovery? While you learn
some things you don't really want to
know, in the long run you gain a lot.
Becomming a bigger and better person'
isn't always easy.
PISCES—The only thing that can stop
you now are self doubt and self-imposed
limitations that are no longer valid. Your
drive and energy could take you into a
whole new period of life and understanding. Don't stop yourself. Go with the
mighty flow.
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