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September 3,1982 / Montrose Voice 29
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Dateline S.F.
Voice Comics
Of course I'm squandering my youth-
How else to avoid wasting it?
Your Turn: Occupational
Hazards
?-1982 by Randy Alfred
Six weeks ago, I asked for your contributions to this specialized pun
form. To wit, if lawyers are disbarred and clergy are unfrocked, what
about...?
Walter Ems answered: quiltmakers are dispatched, mathematicians disfigures or decimated, housing officials quartered, munitions
makers canonized, undertakers decoffinated (ouch!), designers withdrawn, internists disorganized, surveyors distracted, psychics dispirited, candlemakers snuffed out, postal workers unzipped,
fisherpeople debated, and travel agents detoured.
Darryl Forman also checked in with those last two, as well as: poets
are diversified, assesors defined, storytellers detailed, farmers
unseeded, carpenters unhinged, teachers declassified, cashiers
unchanged, mimes disquieted, collection agents debilitated, damage-
claims lawyers distorted, prospectors declaimed, waiters deserved,
judges disappointed, fraternity brothers dismembered, bobsledders
deluged, and druggies both deluded and disjointed.
Jim Thomas of Denver also though dope dealers are disjointed. He
added: bookkeepers are discounted, accountants disfigured, mapmak-
ers dislocated, musicians decomposed, and hotel managers dislodged.
Neil Woodward of Denver seconded Thomas on hotel managers and
Forman on deluded druggies. He added politicians are devoted, composers denoted, actors departed, elementary shcool teachers
degraded, and drag, queens unruffled.
Art Jusak doubled Woodward on politicians, and Ray Frisby
thought the same of school teachers. Jusak added, magicians are
disillusioned. Frisby also pointed out, electricians are defused.
Charles E. Stillwell of Houston answered: grammarians are
declined, ski instructors disinclined, cosmetologists defaced, and
geologists defaulted.
Stephan Martin thought cashiers are unregistered, orthodontists
unbraced, and bag ladies sacked, of course.
Mark Joplin noted, tailors are unsuited and male prostitutes
hustled out. On the other hand, according to Arthur Morris, reformed
winos are bummed out Tim Clow though archaeologists are deboned,
and John Keenan figured truck drivers are downgraded.
Stillwell expressed his hope that the inventor of this game, Laurence Urdang, "suffer great punishment in the hereafter for infecting
innocent people with the sickness of craving specialized puns—
preferably, he will have to listen to a recitation of all of them ever
devised."
That's unlikely, for, as Frisby wrote, joke makers go unpunished.
Olympic irony 1: The same edition of the San Francisco Examiner
which bore the page-one news that a federal judge had ruled that the
Gay Olympic Games could not use the word, Olympic, carried on page
two an item about the Fourth Intematinal Transplant Olympics in
Athens. That event is for recipients of kidnty transplants.
Organizers of the Gay Bleep Games had argued th I *he U.S. Olympic Committee discriminated in allowing such events as the Police
Olympics and the Special Olympics, but not the Gay Olympics.
Olympic irony 2: The Gay Bleep Games are insisting that photographer H. Grant cease sales of his Gay Olympic Games poster bearing a photo of a male torso wearing a T-shirt with the three-circle logo
of the gay games. Michael R. Evans, attorney for the games, said that
group commissioned and paid for the logo, and "if we own anything,
we own the three interlocked discs."
No so, said Grant. There is no trademark or copyright notice on the
shirt the games people are selling: "It's in the public domain." Nonetheless, Grant intends to take the poster off the market and issue
another poster as a response.
Evans said the gay games people object only to the commercial use
of the logo, since the poster sells for $10, none of which goes to the gay
games. He said it's a good poster and they'd like to license it rather
than stop it.
Grant said the gay games peope went to their lawyer before going to
him: "That's exactly what the U.S .Olympic Committee did to them.
They used a hammerlock where a handshake would have worked.
This seems so heavy-handed and without grace. I think they should
have welcomed it as advertising for their event."
Compounded irony: Grant, it so happens, is the architect of San
Francisco's new Muni Metro subway stations at Civic Center, Van
Ness, Church Street, and, yes, Castro Street. (When he designed the
stations in the mid-60s, the Castro neighborhood was not yet out of
the closet. "Neither was I," Grant said.)
His Castro logo for the station has appeared on T-shirts. "I could
have registered it, but the logo has passed into the public domain,"
Grant noted. "I kicked myslef for not seeing its potential, but I've got
no hard feelings for the people who did."
Compunded relationship: Grant is also the lover of Toby Marotta,
author of Sons of Havard and The Politics of Homosexuality. The
poster for and paperback edition of the latter feature an H. Grant
photo of Marotta in the Castro Bubway station.
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