Keyword
in
Collection
Date
to
Montrose Voice, No. 322, December 24, 1986
File 007
Citation
MLA
APA
Chicago/Turabian
Montrose Voice, No. 322, December 24, 1986 - File 007. 1986-12-24. University of Houston Libraries. University of Houston Digital Library. Web. August 11, 2020. https://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/montrose/item/2015/show/1996.

Disclaimer: This is a general citation for reference purposes. Please consult the most recent edition of your style manual for the proper formatting of the type of source you are citing. If the date given in the citation does not match the date on the digital item, use the more accurate date below the digital item.

(1986-12-24). Montrose Voice, No. 322, December 24, 1986 - File 007. Montrose Voice. University of Houston Libraries. Retrieved from https://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/montrose/item/2015/show/1996

Disclaimer: This is a general citation for reference purposes. Please consult the most recent edition of your style manual for the proper formatting of the type of source you are citing. If the date given in the citation does not match the date on the digital item, use the more accurate date below the digital item.

Montrose Voice, No. 322, December 24, 1986 - File 007, 1986-12-24, Montrose Voice, University of Houston Libraries, accessed August 11, 2020, https://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/montrose/item/2015/show/1996.

Disclaimer: This is a general citation for reference purposes. Please consult the most recent edition of your style manual for the proper formatting of the type of source you are citing. If the date given in the citation does not match the date on the digital item, use the more accurate date below the digital item.

URL
Embed Image
Compound Item Description
Title Montrose Voice, No. 322, December 24, 1986
Contributor
  • McClurg, Henry
  • Wyche, Linda
Publisher Community Publishing Company
Date December 24, 1986
Language English
Subject
  • LGBTQ community
  • LGBTQ people
  • Gay liberation movement
Place
  • Houston, Texas
Genre
  • newspapers
Type
  • Text
Identifier OCLC: 22329406
Collection
  • University of Houston Libraries Special Collections
  • LGBT Research Collection
  • Montrose Voice
Rights In Copyright
Note This item was digitized from materials loaned by the Gulf Coast Archive and Museum (GCAM).
Item Description
Title File 007
Transcript 6 MONTROSE VOICE/DECEMBER 24, 1986 Here's Real Story of Old Scrooge The Innocent Bystander By Arthur Hoppe "You're just an old Scrooge," said my son, Mordred, when I scratched Double- Bourbon Cream Balls off my family's Christmas shopping list. "I take that as a high compliment. Mordred," I said with dignity, "for ■* Ebenezer Scrooge was a kindly, generous, farsighted man , deeply concerned with the welfare of his employees. Or perhaps you don't know the plot of 'A Christmas Carol'?" It opens (I began) with Scrooge being visited in his bed by the Ghost of Christ mas Past. The ghost whisks him to the modest home of Bob Cratchit. The Crat- chits are just sitting down to their simple Christmas dinner, a small bowl of local, sodium-free, fiber-rich, whole- grain gruel. Cratchit is into marathons. Mrs. Cratchit, a perfect size six, picks up a little extra money posing for "After" ads in Weight Watchers Magazine. As forTiny Tim (so-called because of his waist measurement), you never saw a happier, healthier child. "Ah," sighs Scrooge, "what glorious times!" But his pleasure is short-lived. The Ghost of Christmas Present returns him to the Cratchit home. The scene is as before, but there is a knock on the door. It is Scrooge himself. And what is he carrying? A huge, fatty roast turkey stuffed with oyster dressing and slathered with giblet gravy. He is greeted with gleesome cries of "Merry Christmas!" Soon all are swilling down egg nogs and gorging on a chocolate-marshmellow yule log. "Have another Double-Bourbon Cream Ball," Scrooge inveigles Tiny Tim. And the poor lad forces it down, a pimple popping out on his forehead. In his sleep, Scrooge was filled with unease. Sure enough, when the Ghostof Christmas Future took him back to the Cratchits' home, a sad scene met his eyes. The scale in the corner was now covered with cobwebs. A bloated mouse staggered from its hole and keeled over in some sort of fit. Poor Bob Cratchit had dropped dead the year before at age 43 of arteriosclerosis. Poor Mrs. Cratchit, wearing a muu- muu, was tearfully reading an offer to appear in a "Before" ad. And poor little Fatty Tim had been sent to the Rodney Dangerfield Home for Overweight U nderach i e vers. Scrooge awoke horrified, penitent and suffering from heartburn. He purchased a lean, range-fed, skinless turkey with none of the trimmings and two pounds of carrot sticks. Rushing to the Cratchit house, he found the little family about to consume goose in butterfat gravy, a hot mayonnaise loaf. Hard Sauce Surprise and two dozen Double-Bourbon Cream Balls. But once he had lectured them on the effects of low-density lipoproteins on the cardiovascular system, they gladly renounced stuffed goose and Double- Bourbon Cream Balls forever. "God bless us, every one, with a cho lesterol level under 175," said Tiny Tim as all present applauded his Christmas wish. "And so, Mordred," I concluded, "thanks to the vision, intelligence and forebearance of kindly old Scrooge, all the Cratchits lived to a ripe age, their tummies flat and their arteries as clean as whistles." "OK," said Mordred, "then I guess you don't want to try any of these sample Double-Bourbon Cream Balls I picked up down at the Sweet Toothsome Shoppe?" "Well," I said, overcome by the Christmas spirit, "maybe just one." 1986 (S F.) Chronicle Publishing Co. llERRTOUri 'J ■Jac and GeneS > "Servicing the Montrose" 21901 TAFT (AT WEBSTER), i 524-8601 ^'_ ; Gay Owned & Operafed^ Happy New Year from Jack & Gene When You Have Something to Say that Just Can't Wait till the Weekend, Advertise It in Our New MOM ROSE VOICE MIDWEEK EXTRA • Circulated Every Tuesday and Wednesday through over 100 Montrose Shops, Stores and Clubs • Utw Advertising Rates. (The lowest advertising rates of any gay publication in Houston. Half the rate of the Montrose Voice Weekend Edition.) • Full of Real Gay Community and Montrose Neighborhood News. (Not _ lor of fluff and fill like those other guys. This means we're read, not jusr thumbed through.) • Many of the popular regular features of the weekend Montrose Voice: comics, commentaries, reviews. V0' ^ &f May 1987 Bring You Continued Health, Happiness and Job Security: All those things we've taken for granted for so long. May we each concern ourselves with one another and remember our friends who we'll miss this year. Holiday Schedule of events: • Wed., Dec. 31 • Masquerade Ball New Year's Eve Ring in 1987 Mardi Gras Style Costumes or Masks Encouraged Light Buffet 10pm Free Champagne. Hals. Noisemakers Prizes for Most Original Costume Brazos River Band S3 Cover Charge • New Years Day—opening at noon Mimosas. Poinsettas—S1 (All Beer & Well) Black Eyed Peas—Corn bread—Cabbage • Jan. 2&3—Continues the Holiday Celebration Daily Specials—Live Entertainment Thanks Houston lor Your Support During 1986 Weplan to continue to work to entertain you and support the gay community as we have these past years. Alan. Walter. Jerry. David H Sieve, Tom Richard. Karl. Beau David R . Kelly. Chuck Devin. Mike. Srazos R-ver Band, Brazos Sack Pocket Your Country Home in Montrose and Involved BRAZOS RIVER BOTTOM HOUSTON *CL 2400 Brazos HOBO • BOAT « Another Vitty ^flKufrt Enterprise ... NORTHSIDE Mon-Fri Happy Hour 12-7pm H50 Well & $1 Beer Thursday: Christmas Buffet TURKEY DINNER with all the trimmings, 7pm ^riday-Muscles in Action 10pm Sunday Free Buffet 6pm Country Express Band 8-12pm Special Guest Appearance by Leon Pappy Selph (Originator of Orange Blossom Special) Wednesday Talent Night Anyone can enter. Cash Prizes. 10:30pm Thursday—Dec. 31 New Year's Eve Bash Free Champagne & Buffet at Midnight NO COVER AFTER HOURS FRI. & SAT. till 4am 11830 AIRLINE - 445-5849 (2 blocks south of Aldine-Bender)
File Name uhlib_22329406_n322_006.jpg