12 MONTROSE VOICE / NOVEMBER 27. 1986
□ Boulevard Trolley Begins Museum Area Route
City Councilmember George Greanias. and Boulevard representatives celebrate the beginning ofthe Boulevard Trolley.
From left to right: David Mancini. Blue Moon Restaurant; Larry Toups, University of St. Thomas Bookstore; Bill
Sadler. The River Cafe; Linday Littrell. 3939 Montrose Shopping Center; Mark Barbati. The Black Labrador Pub;
Sandra McMain. Contemporary Arts Museum; Yvonne Mancini. Blue Moon Restaurant; David Griffith. Museum of Fine
Arts: and City Councilmember Greanias.
Horatio Don't Get No Respect
The Innocent Bystander
by Arthur Hoppe
Once upon a time there was a little boy
named Horatio Alger who was commen-
dably ambitious. He wasn't always so.
The psychic trauma that was to shape
his life occurred one day as Horatio was
lying innocently on the beach. A laughing bully came up and kicked sand in
his face. "What are you going to do
about it, you 47-pound weakling'.'"
taunted the bully.
Although he was
only three years
at the time, Horatio
vowed then and
there that, above all v
else, he would strive
to win the respect of
When he was 10.
the other boys |
wouldn't let him play baseball with
them. "I shall work and scrimp until I
have a baseball of my own to bring,"
vowed Horatio. "Then they'll have to let
So he worked and scrim ped and
bought his own baseball. And they still
wouldn't let him play. "All right, I'll
work and scrimp and form my own
baseball team, the Elm Street Tigers."
vowed Horatio. "And I'll play first
And he did. But after he'd bought the
uniforms and bats and balls, the team
traded him to the Oak Street Buffalos
for a utility infielder and an undisclosed
sum of coupons good for ten cents off on
a Whopper Burger.
But Horatio perservered Right out of
high school he won a job as junior clerk
in the Piggedy National Bank. True, his
follow clerks constantly snubbed him,
and his boss couldn't remember his
name, but Horatio hardly noticed. For
he was in love with Miss Lorelie Bei-
burn in Accounts Receivable, to whom
"Don't be silly, Horatio." said Miss
Beiburn. "The man I marry must be
smooth, suave and on the fast track.
Call me when you're chief clerk.''
"I shall!'' vowed Horatio. And he did.
Of course, it took him eight years of 14-
hour days to become chief clerk, but at
last he was able to call Miss Beiburn
and announce his promotion. Unfortunately, by then Miss Beiburn had three
children by a 42-year-old tire rotator
and a constant Excedrin headache.
Worse, messengers still put his mail
in the wrong box, no one stepped aside
for him at the water cooler and the office
boys called him, "Mac."
"I shall become president of the
bank," vowed Horatio. And he did. Now
everyone addressed him as "Mr. Alger.
sir." or just plain "sir" for short. But
when he invited the presidents of other
banks to lunch, they always insisted on
dining at their little Italian restaurants.
And none ever called him.
Charlie Boodley called. Or at least his
secretary called. "Mr. Boodley would
like you to drop by his office next Tuesday," she said. "He can spare you 20
minutes." As Mr. Boodley wanted to
"borrow $n00, Horatio was offended.
"I'm going to renounce ihe world and
retire to a worm firm," he vowed to his
wife Sybyl, whom he married because
he'd wanted a woman who would look
up to him. But after the wedding she put
on high heels and was an inch taller.
"Instead," said Sybyl. "why don't you
become the most respected person in the
world —the president of the United
What a wonderful idea! Horatio made
speeches and shook hands and ate
hlintzes and campaigned across (he
country; at last it looked as though he
very well could be the next president.
But it was hard work. And just yesterday he was relaxing in the privacy of his
club when the man in the next chair put
down the paper. "Poor Ronald Reagan,"
he said, shaking his head.
"Poor Ronald Reagan','" said Horatio,
"Why, he's the most respected individual on earth."
"Maybe so," said the man, "but all his
fellow leaders but Mrs. Thatcher are
shunning him, Gorbachev won't talk to
him, and the most common folks on the
planet think he's a trigger-happy cowboy at best. Moreover ... What's wrong
with you. Alger?"
"Well," said Horatio, slowly rising
and putting on his hat. "hack to the old
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Far Out News
By Mark Orion
For Wednesday. Nov. 26.
through Monday.. Dec. 1. 1986:
ARIES—Things have changed a lot
since last week. You know what needs to
be done, so go ahead and appreciate the
relief that comes from really doing it. The
desire for security Thanksgiving weekend should not blind you to the need to
TAURUS —Be expressive during
Thanksgiving. The big questions that
dominate your life can be answered by
letting the creative juices flow. Write.
Paint. Talk. Make love. Whatever it is that
you do well, do a lot of. Show your talent
GEMINI—Are you ready to takethetop
position? Can you handle authority? You
may have a choice this coming holiday
weekend. You're going to be seen as the
natural leader, and the only thing you can
do is accept the responsibility that position entails.
CANCER—Not everyone can be a
good friend while being a good lover. You
can. The quandary arises when you realize that helping one person could hurt
another. Being different for the sake of
being different isn't going to get you anywhere Channel that crazy energy this
holiday into giving a helping hand.
LEO—The everyday world doesn't hold
much appeal for Leos right now You're in
touch with universal forces of great
power. Don't burn up, cool down You
may be out of touch with turrents. Enjoy
the turkey as it is.
VIRGO—"You can't hurry love No,
you'll just have to wait. Love don't come
easy, it's a game and give-and-take." You
sure are excitable. It's probably because
you see the possibilities just ahead, and
you're trying to give them a shove. Hold
on. lover, the turkey's coming.
LIBRA—Getting to the root or bottom
of things could bring days of understanding and learning. It could also bring some
very real confrontations between the
oppressor and the oppressed. Watch out,
especially at the dinner table.
SCORPIO—Give yourself a push, and
you'll accomplish more than you ever
thought possible. Accomplishment is
really the key word, and once you're in
motion, there's virtually no obstacle to
attaining your goals. A good combination
of physical and spiritual guides for
SAGITTARIUS-Unless your lover is a
Sagittarian too. there's probably little
understanding in your house these days.
All that confusion: holidays and birthdays. Your mystical forces are not available to everyone. But spiritual pride is a
possibility and perhaps a nasty hab't?
CAPRICORN—The changes taking
place now are dynamic and exciting.
Freed from some old boundaries, your
new life twinkles and shines. Yet, there's
part of you that pulls back, holds on to
what was. Try to balance what's safe with
what's daring Walk the line during the
AQUARIUS—An attack of the green-
eyed monster could cause you to fly off
the handle prematurely. Find out the
facts, listening instead of jumping to
hasty conclusions. The Thanksgiving
weekend closes just in the nick of time.
Hurray for the cavalary.
PISCES—Far-out news may arrive
Don't take it with just a grain of salt. Keep
the whole shaker handy. Then, bend your
efforts toward improving domestic situation Later, action is redirected toward a