| Transcript |
HOUSTON VOICE • APRIL 28, 2000
VOICES AND ECHOES
VIEWPOINT
Lifestyles of the win and self-absorbed
by GREG D. KUBIAK
You've heard it before. All that hand-
wringing about the superficial body image
and vanity among gay men. But the effect of our obsession with outer appearances, and the industries that
support those obsessions, should make room for the
more troubling reality of internal vanity.
We know quite well how the fitness and fashion
industry is making a mint off of gay male sensibilities
and the desire to be on the cutting edge of physical fitness, beauty and style. Some statistics suggest that
plastic surgery among gay men is a luxury in higher
proportion than in the general public.
Dawn Atkins, author of "Looking Queer: Body Image
and Identity in Lesbian, Bisexual, Gay and Transgender
Communities," has conducted studies about self-image,
body weight and health in the gay male community.
She found that the rate of eating disorders is higher
among gay men than previously thought. But this is not
the only exposure of 21st century vanity that affects our
society. The internal vanity is also in our interest.
The phone conversation was one-sided and seemingly endless. For nearly 15 minutes, Mark's friend prattled
on about his gym routine, his untrustworthy new
boyfriend, and how his job is just "so bad, because my
boss is, like, always wanting to see my work."
Finally, the gym bunny took a breath and asked, "So,
how are you?"
Mark, an acquaintance who related this story to me,
was by now exasperated. Still, he told his self-described
"best" friend, "Not too well. My dad had a heart attack
today. I'm flying home tonight."
There was silence on the other end of the phone, followed by a soft and shallow, "Oh? Bummer."
It's just one illustration. There's an increasing aware
ness among sociologists and Main Street Americans
about life and human relationships. There are growing
numbers of self-absorbed aliens taking on human form.
Now, I don't have any studies, figures or legislative
remedies for the internal vanity and self-absorption that is
creeping through society. It's too pervasive. I'm more interested in naming the beast for now, than killing it.
Worried that you, too, may be infected by this stealth
invasion of self-absorbed aliens? Do your own inventory.
If the average gym bunny worked half
as hard on his personality as he did
his pecs, he might actually be an
interesting person.
Take two blank pieces of paper. On the first, write down
three columns of names: people you currently regard as
your "best" friend(s); those you regard as friends; and
finally, the names of people with whom you have extensive contact, but may not think of as a friend.
Now, review your conversations and interactions with
each person in each column and ask yourself these questions, (putting scores by the side of the names.)
1. Is this person someone I'd call if I had a problem or
needed a serious favor?
Score, add one point for "yes"; subtract one point for "no,
but they'd probably call me if they needed a favor"; and zero
points if you don't know.
2. Do I initiate contact with that person, wait for them
to call me, or don't think about it because it's pretty
even?
Score: add one point for "pretty even"; zero points for "I
initiate"; and subtract one point for "wait for them."
3. Is this someone whom I legitimately enjoy spending time with? And why?
Score: add one point for "yes"; extra points for particularly
good, qualitative "why's".
After you've added up the points, and considered the
qualitative "why" question in #3, take the second piece
of paper.
With that, reorder the columns with best friends,
friends, and acquaintances based on the range of numeric differences.
If you see specific shifts in names moved columns, it probably means either (a) you're being sucked dry by people who
give little back, or (b) you're sucking your "friends" dry.
The increase in sales of self-help books and psychological counseling appointments should give us all an idea
that the "me" generation has taken some bad turns in the
last few years. But it's not too late for us to do the interna]
work that we're so quick to do for our exterior selves.
A good friend of mine summed it up best referring to
an attractive, well-built young man some time ago. "If
he worked half as hard on his personality as he did his
pecs," said my friend, "he might actually be an interesting person."
We buy supplements to build muscle, increase sexual
virility and grow hair. We dispose of excess income on
the latest designer-labeled fashions, gym memberships
and $40 haircuts.
But moral support and friendship don't come from a catalog or a weight room.
Pretty soon, it'll get lonely if you are the only friend you
have. The best advice to an increasingly self-absorbed
world is: If you want a friend, you've got to be a friend.
Grt^ D. Kubiak is a Washington-based freelance columnist
and can be readied via this publication oral CKubkk@aol.com.
Vy\$zsT°\J3L{chOXL{for by Alison BecJidel
Revisit the early stajses of Mo and Sydney's courtship in this
archive episode while the cartoonist takes a brief rest stop.
t<rt£
© \9$b By,*i.5oN a&rnpti.
QiTfViNGEP FROM HER TWO UOJEJT FRijtNDS, M
Pimps net. Social life Sadl) circumscribed.
Til 1
ft
I f\ i
m
AMAUffli? THATREJOLUTE t«£,l
■IfrVfiTHEP LDS I IS THAT RI&HT ? WELL
MOR, >W/! fftE-jD CLARICE IJ R IF T HW A JUPfftiOfi-
JPEAKIN6 TO yoU BECAUSE / Ify COMPLfcx THE
yoil'n jOcHAR.ifeiP.SE'-P- J 5|-z£ of yoUM, I
RI&KTEOUS PRIft^ ^■^WOU-'I'N'TTHltoWSTowEf.
|
