HOUSTON VOICE/AUGUST 16, 1996 23
Fashion Sheriff Polices Montrose!
Enjoying cocktails at Rascal's
Other Important Stuff
The Houston Voice would like to welcome Rascals to our family of advertisers! Rascals is located at 1318
Westheimer (next to McDonald's.) Happy hours are 4:00 pm to 8:00 pm
with $1.25 well cocktails and $1.50
domestic beers. They have a different drink special every day! Rascals
offers a variety of venues to choose
from. The downstairs is a dance bar;
upstairs offers a pool room, VIP bar
with a big screen, and what I'm calling
the Rainbow Room offers a delightful view of the downtown skyline!
Check out their ad on page 13.
Jewel's is a delightful little shop on
Taft (at Fairview.) She has tons and
tons of wigs, sequined gowns, shoes,
and bunches of pretty glittery things
to wear! Stop in and shop till you drop.
Don't forget that the Venture-N
offers 84 hours a week of reduced drink
Basic Brothers' sale racks are bulging! Stop in and help them clear the
racks with up to 50 % off on tons of mer-
chandise! They are also having a
swim wear sale! Basic Brothers is
your out and proud clothing store!
The Labor Day Funk Fest will be at
Incognito on August 31 at 9:00 pm. If
you would like more info, call 237-
Leather Leather has a great sale going
on right now! For only $1,999 you can
actually purchase an entire leather
living room suite and receive a free
ottoman to match! Choose from 2 of
Leather Leather's hottest styles,
pick from 30 colors, and have it delivered in two weeks! All of Leather
Leather's furniture is hand made and
built in their own factory. See their ad
on page 14.
Hurricane '96 blows into Houston
August 24. This annual party sponsored by the Bayou City Boys Club is an
event not to be missed! For ticket info,
Ladies! Attention! Do you remember Ean's? Well, it is now called Chee-
Bite Me!) Ford enjoys fish!
tahs and they have
ladies for ladies dancers on Saturday,
Monday, and Tuesday nights! Check it
out! Be sure to look in
next week's issue for
Happy birthdays to
George L., Tristan
M., and Bart B. of the
Houston Area Bears!
Happy birthday to
Lexy B. ofthe Court!
A special birthday message to Bruce
P from Shelby K.: I love you so much,
you are the single most importani
thing in my whole world! I am so proud
to say I'm your husband. Love
Harvey scared me to death last week!
He would not wake up! He wasn't
breathing. Couldn't find a pulse. Ok,
I'm in tears. After shaking him, talking to him, and kissing his little head
for almost 10 minutes, I opened up his
little mouth and blew in it! Yeah,
mouth to Ferret resuscitation, His
little eyes opened and he had this look
on his face like "What's wrong. Mom.
Why are you crying?" Well, I wanted
to kill him for scaring me like that. I
have been closely observing him and
he appears to be ok!
Disclaimer is in force!
Guy (Club Houston): Maybe someday you will grow up to be a big blue
Jessica (hangs at Gentry): Is Glenda
really built like a Black Maglight?
Guy Cowden: I understand that you
did a big jaw drop when Skip got on the
stage of Chances!
Brandon (Club Houston): What is
this I hear about you having a blue
Mike (Gentry): I hear that you got the
new voice activated phone dialing
and programmed Woody's (Gentry)
number in as "my studly!"
Civo (Mr. BriarPatch): Is it true you
are planning to enter the Miss BriarPatch contest so you can wear two
Aaron (Rascals): And I quote: "And
if it is better than sex, I want two
David (Ripcord): Are you really
going to get a tan? But we like your
vampire look! And I understand that
Montezuma took his revenge on you!
Wayne (BriarPatch): Are they really
throwing you a surprise birthday
party on Saturday night? Is the North
Carolina "connection" due in for
the celebration? Just checking!
Ruby Stone (RSICSS): Dagger
Vera (BRB): How come when you go on
vacation, Bill Havard's (BRB) bar
tab goes to zero? I heard that your husband packed clean underwear, his
toothbrush, and condoms. Your
vacation suitcase contains Poly-
grip, Preparation H and support
Leona (hangs at Chances): How is your
Hudson shaking? Do you need a leash
in the valley?
Steve C. (RSICSS): What was it that
Empress I Jose, the widow Norton
said could not be talked about in Ft.
Worth under threat of her imperial
wrath? I've heard it was something
about a road, perhaps a freeway or a
tollway. Oh yeah, maybe it was a
parkway ... perhaps Central Parkway?
Roy (Chances): You should not use a
penis pump on your tits!
Jim Halbert (RSICSS): I heard that
you liked Toronto so much that you are
going back for more Peter!
Sam (BRB): I hear you fall from bar stools gracefully, even when they are
pulled out from under you!
Racy (Chances): What do you, Rose,
and 10 dogs have in common?
Lee Davis (Houston Voice): LuLu
(E/J's) wants to see you!
Tommy Sue (BRB): I heard that you can
slip in and out of a bar faster than big
Mike (BRB) lost his virginity.
Don (hangs on every bar stool in town):
Why do you keep playing the song
"I'm Leaving you for Another Man"
over and over? I wonder if you are
thinking of Judy?
Timmy (hangs at PS): Riding the Her-
shey hiway again?
Day Leigh Edwards: Is velvet really
Stacy (Ms. Bacchus II): What car
Shawna St. John: So how much does it
cost to buy your own roses?
Steven Baker (BRB): Does the word
punctuality mean anything to you?
Pumpkin (PS): 1 hear you had a Cuervo drinking contest? Smart thing
not inviting me! I would have won!
Ron (Venture-N): Why do your fellow employees call you "Parrot
Betsy (Ranch): Did you enjoy your
dinner of Maraschino cherries and
Nancy (Bite Me) Ford: How was that
Mark (Venture-N): I saw you grunting like a pig rooting for truffles on
Miss A. (BRB): I heard that John (BRB)
wanted to take you for a ride on his
motorcycle, but you would not ride
Dana (Texas Riders) Were you really
"munching kitty" in the bathroom
at the airport?
Alex (hangs with Glen and Robert):
Someone told me that your buns look
like two perfect honeydew melons!
John (Venture-N): You have shoulders like Herman Munster and a haircut to match!
Jim (Ripcord): And I
quote: "I'm 37 years
old and I still leap for
Jeff (BRB) and Les: I
want to see your new
Tom Saywer (Rip-
cord): I understand
that your house guest
thinks your kitchen
is infested with a
large rodent! I like a
little ferret doodoo
with my coffee,
I have a new guest
Rickydon sucking face, again!
columnist that will be spewing out
his thoughts as the "Fashion Sheriff." Please let me know how you feel
about this type of guest columnist!
The Fashion Sheriff
From the Design Studios of Mr.
Illwell, evil twin of Mr. Blackwell,
For far too long, well known people in
the Montrose area have gotten away
with substandard attire and appearance, by trying to convince others
that they are in style. When the truth of
the matter is that they have no clue as
to what comprises style or good taste.
I have relocated to Houston and feel
it is my duty to expose these atrocities against fashion and good grooming. This column is meant to be comedic in nature and is not meant to hurt or
maliciously malign any one person
or group, and the Houston Voice is not
responsible for any of my insanities! Therefore I feel it is my duty to
offer up the best and worst dressed
people in the community. Now getting down to business. Ruby Stone's
illegitimate sister from New York
showed off her talent (so to speak) by
exposing the crowd to her nearly
developed body at a fundraiser Friday night at Chances. If you missed
this act, God bless you. Meanwhile JJ
Larue was sporting a new hairdo
inspired by Freddie Kruger. (I'm
afraid of you girl.) Some of the girls in
this show that night would do well to
take tips from Renee Monroe and Jennifer Ellsworth. As they appeared as
"Pearls amidst Swine." By the way
Ruby, Anne Margaret called and she
wants her hair back. This is my column
for this week. I'll be watching and
waiting to hear from you. Dress well,
look well, and be well.