HOUSTON VOICE/ AUGUST 16, 1996 9
Love, Loss, and Starting
Thirteen years is a long time to have a
lover. I never expected to have one, much
less for thai long. Kelse was a great man and
I am glad to have met him. The fact that he
liked me as well, was good for me. I have
always felt that lovers should like each
other before they love each other. I've met
couples that I felt didn't truly like each
other and feel lucky that Kelse and I had the
relationship that we did.
This may be weird, I don't know if it is or
not, but I think about Kelse a lot. Even three
years after his death, he is still on my mind.
I dream about him frequently. What does
that mean? Is it healthy? Well, I don't care.
I like having him in my dreams.
Once, I was in bed, it was about 3:00 a.m.
and I wasn't totally asleep. Suddenly,
there was Kelse, sitting on the edge of my
bed, and he started talking to me. I can't
remember exactly what he said, but I know
he told me he loved me and to carry on.
It is a horrible experience to watch
someone die, especially when it is the
person you love the most in the world. It
lakes a very strong person to get through
their lover's death and to confront their
own feelings. I wasn't there when Kelse
died, and I had terrible guilt about it. The
guilt lasted more than a year. I'm glad I
missed it, in a way, because I'm not sure
how strong I would have been. It may have
made it harder for me.
It was hard enough to see him deteriorate, very hard. My complete lack of being
able to help him made it even harder. I
sometimes think of how I really could have
helped him. But I also realize I did what I
could and I should have no regrets. Having regrets affects a lot of what a person
goes through when their partner dies. I
have been there, and I know that it is a heavy
burden. That is why therapy or support
groups are so important. Talking about it
with others really helps.
I do know one thing, he would have been
there for me. and I would die with the happiness of knowing I was loved. I would
like to hear about your experience.
Please write the editor and share your
thoughts with us.
What really helped our relationship is
that his family really liked me and my family really liked him. Kelse was from
Georgetown and it was always nice to go
visit that quaint little town. I always wondered what it would be like growing up in a
charming place like that.
I recently sold our home and selling it has
brought up a lot of memories for me. But
Kelse would have understood and supported my decision. I have second
thoughts sometimes about having sold
the house but realize living in Montrose
is the best thing for me now.
I would like another long term relationship. I've been lonely over the past three
years. I really would like to give love
another try. But like most of you, I don't
know how to meet Mr. Right. If it is supposed to happen, I imagine it will. I hope
I'm not to old or to sick for it to happen.
My good friend, Dr. O'Donnel, gave me
some good advice about starting over. He
said you must first go through the grieving
process and play out all your emotions. A
lot of people feel they are cheating on
their dead lover by going out with other
men. He says you can honor your lover but
still get on with your life.
And this is my advice. Don't deny yourself
from meeting nice men. You never know
when your next lover is standing near you,
looking at you and thinking how nice it
would be to meet you. If he smiles at you, go
say hi. You don't have to tell him your life
story unless he asks. Maybe it won't be the
perfect romance, but maybe you will at
least find a good friend.
I want to thank Pet Patrol for taking care of
my dog, Miss Lady, while I was in the hospital. Those caring volunteers made
my worries lighter knowing she was well
cared for while I was fighting my umpteenth infection. If you love animals, the
Pet Patrol is the perfect group to volunteer for.
Glen Webber is a person living with AIDS
and looking for love and friends in the
Montrose area of Houston .
fy @wit Htwii*
The Outsider will not appear this week.
Curt Morrison is on assignment covering the Republican National Convention.
The column will appear in next's issue ofthe Houston Voice.
Fight Hate Crimes!
• Move confidently. Keep your head up, look around, be alert!
• Confront verbal harassment if you think it would deter attack.
Attackers often test potential victims.
• Trust your instincts. Only you know whether or when to fight
•If you are attacked, respond quickly (in the first 30 seconds):
Yell, blow a whistle, fight - kick knees, gouge eyes, stomp on
feet, knee groin - RUN.
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attacker, call police - gather other people and rush to the scene ■
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