18 Montrose Voice/ Sept. 23,1983
How Do You Do at Relationships?
By Roz Ashley
How do you feel about other people? Yourself? Your lifestyle? Your image? How do
you relate to non-gays? Are you hostile?
Proud? Secretive? Afraid?
Can you laugh at yourself? At society's
The following scientifically-formulated
quiz will answer absolutely none of those
questions, but it will give you your Gay
Image and Relationship Rating. You can
skip any item that doesn't apply to you—
or that you find boring—but you'll wind up
with a lousy score if you do!
Circle the answer that most truthfully
completes each of the numbered paragraphs. Answers and scores follow the
1. What was you biggest problem in
(a) "They were ALL big! (b) "Holding on
to my job." (c) "Telling my parents."
2. If you had to be alone on a desert
island with only one person, which of the
following would you choose?
(a) Somebody beautiful, (b) Somebody
just like me. (c) Anita Bryant.
3. What is your main goal as a gay person?
(a) Acceptance by non-gays, (b) Finding
real love, (c) Simple survival.
4. How do you relate to law officers?
(a) Minimally, (b) Timidly, (c) Passionately.
5. What relationship currently turns you
(a) Myself. (b)The hot number next door.
(c) This month's centerfold.
6. What do you think of jealousy in relationships?
(a) It's sick, (b) It's a gut instinct, (c) It's
heterosexual and confining, but keep your
hands off my lover, honey!
7. What are you looking for in a relationship?
(a) I want the earth to move, (b) Just a
quickie, (c) A fabulous townhouse with
Say, Do You
Access Here Often?
By day, it's CompuServe, providing Fortune 500 companies with up-to-the-minute
business data. But by night, it becomes
what subscribers are calling "Compu-
Sex," an electronic cocktail party where
singles mingle their microchips. "
For $5 an hour, CompuServe's 68,000
subscribers have after-hours access to 32
channels to swap adult information from
the privacy of their home computer terminals. Participants choose CB style "handles," like "Cutie Pie," "Sexy Hunk" and
even "Conan the Librarian."
One California programmer—known as
"Robot"—says he's met some "wonderfully nice people" through the network,
though he admits "it can get pretty
The folks at CompuServe say they have
no objections, reports the San Jose Mercury. They call it "an excellent example of
personal and human networking."
Must Go On
Did you hear the one about the town that
arrested a circus? The San Francisco
Chronicle reports that the folks in Bee-
ville, Texas, are still buzzing about how
the Hermanos Suarez Circus was hauled
in because several of its drivers didn't
have Texas licenses or plates.
A judge ordered the circus incarcerated
because its owner couldn't come up with
the $4000 in fines. There wasn't any room
in the jail, however, for 10 lions, three elephants, 10 dogs and 50 circus workers, so
the whole show agreed to stay at the local
This had to be a voluntary move—as one
sheriffs deputy explained, "What do you
do if an elephant decides it doesn't want to
8. What would you like to change in your
(a) Stereotypes, (b) Nothing, (c) Lovers—
and as often as possible.
9. How would you feel if someone said,
"A gay or lesbian relationship is a piece of
(a) Very negative, (b) Obviously, they've
never had one. (c) Nauseous.
10. What do you wear to attract new people?
(a) Shirts with alligators on them, (b)
Chanel, (c) Chaps—and spurs.
11. What group could furnish the best
person for a relationship?
(a) The "A" crowd, (b) The muscle
crowd, (c) Any crowd.
12. What certain look do you try for
when you dress for cruising?
(a) Preppy, (b) Sleazy, (c) A look of longing.
13. What do you do when someone asks,
"Just what do you people do with each
(a) Throw up—preferably on them, (b)
Walk away, (c) Tell them—in graphic
14. What do you lack in your life?
(a) Nothing—I've got it all. (b) My civil
rights, (c) I'd like a raise.
15. How do you relate to the "closet?"
(a) Still in. (b) Way out. (c) "Shirts on the
left—pants on the right"
16. BONUS QUESTION. What irritates
you most about non-gays ?
(a) Their ignorance, (b) When they want
to "cure" me. (c) When they just want to
To get your Gay Image and
Relationship Rating, add up the points
given here for the answers you have
chosen: /. a-0, b-3, c-5; 2. a-5, b-5, c-0; 3. a-0,
b-5, c-3; 4. a-5, b-0, c-3; 6. a-0, b-5, c-3; 7. a-5,
b-3, c-0; 8. a-5, b-5, c-5; 9. a-5, b-5, c-5; 10. a-3,
b-5, c-5; 11. a-5, b-5, c-0; 12. a-3, b-0, c-5; 13.
a-0, b-5, c-3; 14. a-5, b-5, c-5; 15. a-3, b-5, c-5;
16. a-5, b-5, c-5.
Score 26-41. You seem to be confused.
Did that come from taking this quiz?
Score 42-58. Your self-image is okay, and
you do well with relationships (unless you
chose Anita Bryant on Question 2).
Score 59-80. You're terrific! You're
proud, you've got attitude, and you relate
well to yourself and things that matter.
I'm surprised you bothered to add up your
Ashley is a personal counselor. ©1983
Stonewall Features Syndicate.
MICHAEL CHRISTOPHER in
his first starring role
There's a thin line
Sometimes it is only...