handle the competition. She's unstable.
It's raging hormones. Must be that time
of the month.' Meanwhile, the men
pointing the finger are having that tightness in the chest. God, that must be
Psychologist Nancy Gulanick agrees
that expressing feelings on the job can be
detrimental to career progress. "I
wouldn't advise women to go up to coworkers and say, 'It's tough.' If you did
that, you might be called weak, incompetent."
Being cautious can go too far, though,
she adds. Sometimes women are so used
to needing to be good on the job, they
can't let down and say they have doubts,
even when it's appropriate. In learning to
close up on the job, women can lose some
of the valuable safety valves available to
them. And this causes more stress.
ly high stress threshold, unless it was
approached in the right spirit. "I love my
work," says Vogelfang. "Even though
each assignment is potentially high stress,
I feel like I've got the best of jobs!"
Carson, who puts in ten-hour days,
Also, says Selye, it's important to get
rid of grudges and forget unpleasant
incidents. "Nature gives even the most
fortunate of us only a limited capital of
energy to resist stress, and it would be
silly to squander it on quite pointless
anger or hatred," he says.
STRESS: HOME & PERSONAL
"If you could just have some little
surprise coming out of the washing
to choose constantly between friends
and work. If you want to move up, you
have to put the job first. It requires time,
thought, dedication-and a flexible
How is this conflict different for a
man? Camp thinks that for men, work is
"a valid excuse." For a woman, "it's
like you've sold out when you spend all
child, you're Good Mother, Good Wife,
Good Housekeeper. That's on top of
Good Daughter, Good Friend, Good Business Person. Depending on how you were
reared and what your standards are, that
can present a lot of stress."
For TV anchor Jan Carson, it's a nagging at the back of her mind as she takes
an all-day Saturday stained glass course
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Although women encounter more
stress on their way up, says U. S. News,
they often can deal with stress more successfully because they're more willing to
admit they have problems and need help.
Often a man's ego won't let him do that.
Let's not lose that ability, says Kelleher. We can use the things women have
traditionally used to cope with stress.
Cry. Cry on somebody's shoulder. Just
don't do it at worlcT
"We don't have to become like men to
have the rights of men," Kelleher says.
"As we take a place in society as competent persons with equal rights, the incidence of ulcers among women is increasing. We're giving up classic femininity.
"After I got shingles," she says,
"I slowed down-cancelled some out-
of-town work, concentrated more on
taking care of my needs. I still over-
schedule myself sometimes, but I pick
up on the cues much faster now."
Nancy Gulanick has developed a support system that works for her-regular
lunches with other colleagues and some
serious talking in social or work gatherings. "I acknowledge what it's like for
me and hear back, 'Yes.' "
She suggests that you find help from
women's groups, such as the National
Association of Women Business Owners,
exchange clubs, or trade organizations.
Check journals and papers for special
meetings of interest to women.
And, she says, test out some peers
carefully to see if you can safely vent
some feelings to them. "Talk to someone
about this article," she says. "See if they
thought the same way you did about it."
Listen to good models, and be one
yourself, Gulanick says. "It's frustrating
to hear a female professional who has
made it talking like she hasn't had our
kinds of difficulties. We compare and*
think we shouldn't have any problems
either. But we know we do. If we deny
them, we get crazier. If we acknowledge them, we're weird."
Dr. Hans Selye, who formulated the
concept of stress about 40 years ago,
emphasizes the importance of a positive
work attitude for handling stress successfully. A favorable view of your work can
turn stress into ewstress, positive stress,
which places less demand on the body, he
says. Long hours, intense work and a
hectic schedule could probably not be
endured, even by a person with a natural-
machine," says Cora Bartholomew,
mother of five. "But you know that
what's coming out is what you put in.
And the same clothes will be in there
next week. Housewifery is monotony.
And nobody really appreciates what you
do, except in TV commercials. You can't
even sit down and enjoy the fruits of
Bartholomew thinks it might ^be easier
if she had never worked outside, always
stayed home like her mother, who was
your time at the job."
A surprising number of successful
business women locate their primary
stress in the personal arena. Some even
re-evaluate priorities as a result. "I
decided finally that work wasn't the be
all and end all and that I owed more to
myself," says one. "Now I emphasize
other parts of my life. I've put my job,
and myself, in perspective. Ironically,
I got a better review after this decision. I
do a better job."
Young single women just starting out
also know conflict between private and
public life. Assistant City Attorney Chere
D. Lott says, "Men feel that my job takes
away from my availability to them. Some
find this impossible to deal with, and
then I can't deal with the relationship-
and there goes another one!
"Sometimes I wonder if an unknown
career is worth the sacrifice. There aren't
many models to see how it's going to be.
It's not going to be the momma, daddy,
and the kids that we all grew up with, and
we're not sure how it's going to pan out.
In a way, you're scared to let go of the
old ideal. But having put in the time and
effort to get where you are, you want to
ride it out and see what happens."
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"happy as a lark, baking the bread, doing her number."
Chances are, the mother had stresses
of her own. One 65-year-old mother of
five remembers a typical afternoon of
25 years ago. Stopped by a traffic cop as
she rushed one kid to a music lesson, she
was panicked thinking about the irritated
maestro pacing the studio, another child
waiting for her to pick him up across
town, and dinner burning on the stove at
Most women today don't have an
option. For seven out of ten working
women, a job is a compelling necessity,
according to the April 3 Women's Day
analysis of federal statistics. More than
half of the women in the country now
have a job or are looking for one. Of
these, three out of five are married, and
almost half have children.
"When you work outside, you're doing
two jobs-eight hours in an office, eight
at home," Bartholomew says.
Texas Instruments Supervisor Cecile
K. Camp says, "I grew up in a generation
where it was important to achieve and do
well. It gets harder and harder to balance
that directive with other values and make
my life meaningful. The strain is having
Positive carry-over from work can
make personal life easier. Film
production professional Susan Vogelfang
says that skills she has learned on the job
help out across the board. Now she can
refuse an offer for a date without rejecting the person or wasting either one's
The pressure of stereotypes makes
juggling work and home harder. "Many of
us have six or eight roles going simultaneously," says Helen Copitka, Texas
Board of Pardons and Paroles Commissioner. "When you're married with a
instead of cleaning the house; for TV
talk show host Warner Roberts, it's the
necessity of having a show timed so that
she can fix a good breakfast for her boys;
for the medical student, it's going to the
library, even though the baby's crying
and her husband says, 'I thought we
were going to be together'; for psychologist associate Carol Cossum, it's
leaving her husband and two college-
age sons for a temporary apartment so
she can finish her dissertation.
Many women today are postponing or
bypassing parenthood. These women are
smart enough to see they can't do it all,
says Cossum, but they're still locked into
a traditional concept of mothering.
We're trained to nurture, to take care
of others first, says psychologist Nancy
Gulanick. So we feel guilty if we take
time out for ourselves before we make
everyone else okay.
Working people, men and women,
need a supportive back-up person—a
"wife," says Gulanick. "I think a woman
can have that, partly, if she can afford to
pay for child care and cleaning services."
"But even liberated," says full-time
homemaker Carol Sarnace, "you just
don't want to leave your sick child."
"When UH assistant professor Sybil
Estess cut her teaching schedule to part-
time, she flirted with feeling guilty for
keeping her household help. "I wondered
if maybe I should clean, too, since I was
making less," she says. "But I decided
no. I have a PhD. I deserve it."
Kick the habit of feeling incompetent
if you don't do everything, says Gulanick.
Delegate responsibilities-all the way.
Don't ask your husband to help with the
kids' homework, then check up Jater to
see if they really got it.
Focus on what you do well, not what
needs to be done or needs to be done
better, Gulanick says. We're trained to get
approval; men to achieve. So we concentrate on what we did wrong. Instead, we
should be proud of our choices.
Remember that any issue that affects
one family member affects all, says
marriage, family and divorce therapist
Nancy Potts. "If the woman takes a job,
the whole family needs to work out new
rules. That can help, especially when the
husband believes in snaring household
tasks, but in fact he doesn't do them."
Too much self-sacrifice can be
dangerous, says Dr. Hans Selye, head of
the International Institute of Stress.
Constantly putting other people's good
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