childhood. He greeted me warmly, invited me to his office.
I was glad to go. He asked me if I wanted FBI protection,
and I must have shivered noticeably. Though afraid, I
was reluctant; he did not press the issue. Instead, he said:
"I know you are facing danger, but if you won't have that
protection, I can only pray for your safety."
He looked at me a moment, then asked: "Bella, would
you like to see a priest?"
Startled by the question, I was amazed at the intensity
with which I answered, "Yes, I would."
"Perhaps we can reach Monsignor Sheen at Catholic
University," he said. An appointment was made for me late
that evening at the Monsignor's home.
I was silent as we drove to Chevy Chase. A thousand
fears assailed me. By what right, I thought, was I seeking
the help of someone I had helped revile, if only by my
silence? How dared I come?
I rang the doorbell and was ushered into a small room.
Monsignor Fulton Sheen walked into the room, his silver
cross gleaming, a warm smile in his eyes. He held out bis
JL»oi tor, I'm glad you've come, he said. His voice and
his eyes had a welcome I had not expected, and it caught
me unaware. I started to thank him for letting me come
but I realized that the words did not make sense. I began
Monsignor Sheen put his hand on my shoulder to comfort me. "Don't worry," he said. "This thing will pass." He
'ed me gently to a little chapel. We both knelt. The battle
within me ceased, my tears were dried, and I was conscious of stillness and peace.
[Later] I began to receive instructions in the Faith.
"eek after week I listened to the patient telling of the
ttory of Cod's love for man, and of man's longing for God.
' read often long into the night. There were so many things
' had to know. I had wasted so many precious years. In
April I was baptized by Bishop Sheen at the font in St.
Patrick's Cathedral. Afterward Bishop Sheen heard my first
Confession. He had noted that I was nervous in making my
Preparation, for I bad to cover the many years in which I
denied the truth. I meditated on the mockery I had made
of my marriage; how I had squandered my birthright as
a Woman; on my twisted relationship with my parents; on
the exaggerated pride of my mind; on the tolerance I had
tor error. He realized mv despair ancl said comfortingly:
We priests have heard the sins of men, many times. Yours
ate no greater than those of others. Have confidence in
At Mass next morning I received Communion from bis
hands. And 1 praved as I watched the flicker id' the sanctu-
'""y lamp that tlie Light that had reclaimed me might
•"each the ones I loved who still sit in darkness. I was never
t° be lonely again, and when I prayed there was always
the Presence of Him I prayed to.
As order and peace returned to my life I was able to
**ce intelligently the difficult ordeal of appearing before
governmental agencies and investigating committees. I
-'readed hurting individuals who were perhaps as blind as
' had been and vvho were still being used by the conspirators. I (headed the campaign of personal abuse which
^ould be renewed against me.
I formulated and tried to answer three critical ques-
h'nis: Does my country need the information I am called
"Pon to give? Will I be scrupulous in telling the truth?
'" \( is Forum News, September, 1956
Will I be acting without malice?
I knew that honest citizens of our country were uninformed about Marxism and I recognized that in the best
sense of the word, to "inform" means to "educate." Since
avenues of education are blocked ancl twisted into propaganda by the agents of this conspiracy, my country needed
the information I had to give.
When a person conditioned by a totalitarian group talks
about the right not to incriminate himself, he really means
the right not to incriminate the Communist group of which
he is only a nerve end. When he talks of freedom of
speech, he means freedom for the Communist group to
speak as a group through the mouth of the individual who
has been selected by the higher intelligence.
llovv I saw in true perspective the contribution that the
teachers and the schools of America have made to its
progress. Justice Jackson has said it is the paradox of our
times that we in modern society need to fear only the educated man. It is very true that what a man does with his
knowledge is that which, in one sense, justifies or indicts
that education. A glance at the brilliant scientists who
served the Hitler regime, and the Soviet scholars who
serve the Kremlin, a look at the men indicted for
subversion in our own country — all lead us to re-estimate
the role of education. We are told that all problems will be
solved by more education. But the time has come to ask:
"What kind of education?" "Education for what?" Rounded
education includes training of the will as much as training
of the mind; and mere accumulation of information, without a sound philosophy, is not education.
I saw how meaningless had been my own education,
how like a cafeteria of knowledge, without purpose or balance. I was moved by emotion and my education failed
to guide me in making sound personal and public decisions. It was not until I met the Communists that I had a
standard to live by, and it took me years to find out it was
a false standard.
There now emerges a new phenomenon. Students today
are beginning to realize that training of the mind is of
little value unless it is placed in the framework of eternal
truths. Once again we witness an insistence upon the
union of knowledge of the things of the spirit with those
of the world. There is a growing demand that they no
longer be severed.
I know that even if the Communists were sincere in the
glittering promises they make, they would be incapable
of fulfilling them, for they cannot create tbe kind of man
needed for tbe task. Whatever apparent good tbe Communists have achieved has come through human beings who.
despite the harsh materialism taught them, still retained a
memory of God and who, even without realizing it, drew
on eternal standards of truth and justice. But their store of
such men is dwindling and. in spite of their apparent victories, men schooled in darkness are doomed to defeat.
New armies of men are rising, and these are sustained
not by the Communist creed but by the credo of Christianity. And I am keenly conscious that onlv a generation
of men so devoted to God that they will heed His command, "Love one another as I have loved you," can bring
peace and order to our world. end
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