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Facts Forum News, Vol. 5, No. 9, September 1956
File 036
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Facts Forum. Facts Forum News, Vol. 5, No. 9, September 1956 - File 036. 1956-09. University of Houston Libraries. University of Houston Digital Library. Web. May 25, 2019. https://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/1352973/item/279/show/245.

Disclaimer: This is a general citation for reference purposes. Please consult the most recent edition of your style manual for the proper formatting of the type of source you are citing. If the date given in the citation does not match the date on the digital item, use the more accurate date below the digital item.

Facts Forum. (1956-09). Facts Forum News, Vol. 5, No. 9, September 1956 - File 036. Facts Forum News, 1955-1956. University of Houston Libraries. Retrieved from https://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/1352973/item/279/show/245

Disclaimer: This is a general citation for reference purposes. Please consult the most recent edition of your style manual for the proper formatting of the type of source you are citing. If the date given in the citation does not match the date on the digital item, use the more accurate date below the digital item.

Facts Forum, Facts Forum News, Vol. 5, No. 9, September 1956 - File 036, 1956-09, Facts Forum News, 1955-1956, University of Houston Libraries, accessed May 25, 2019, https://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/1352973/item/279/show/245.

Disclaimer: This is a general citation for reference purposes. Please consult the most recent edition of your style manual for the proper formatting of the type of source you are citing. If the date given in the citation does not match the date on the digital item, use the more accurate date below the digital item.

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Title Facts Forum News, Vol. 5, No. 9, September 1956
Series Title Facts Forum News
Creator
  • Facts Forum
Publisher Facts Forum
Date September 1956
Language eng
Subject
  • Anti-communist movements
  • Conservatism
  • Politics and government
  • Hunt, H. L.
Place
  • Dallas, Texas
Genre
  • journals (periodicals)
Type
  • Text
Identifier AP2.F146 v. 5 1956; OCLC: 1352973
Collection
  • University of Houston Libraries
  • Facts Forum News
Rights No Copyright - United States: This item is in the public domain in the United States and may be used freely in the United States. The item may not be in the public domain under the copyright laws of other countries.
Item Description
Title File 036
Transcript people I did not know. What made me feel desolate were the reprisals from those I had considered friends. While I was busy with Party work I sometimes thought proudly of my hundreds of friends and how strong were tbe ties that bound us. Now those bonds were ropes of sand. I had failed to understand that the security I felt in the Party was that of a group, and that affection in that strange Communist world is never a personal emotion. You were loved or hated on the basis of group acceptance, and emotions were stirred or dulled by propaganda made by powerful people at the top. If rejection by an individual can cause the emotional destruction which our psychiatrists indicate, it cannot, in some ways, compare with the devastation produced by a group rejection. This, as I learned, is annihilating. I vain I told myself that this was a big world ancl that there were many people other than Communists in it. The world was a jungle in which I felt lost, hunted. Before long my office was empty except for snoopers ancl creditors. I gave up my home and moved into a dingy room near my office. I would go to my office, sit and look out at Bryant Park ancl the Public Library. I had spent many hours in that library as student and teacher, hungry for know ledge. Unfortunately I never really satisfied that hunger — my reading in later years had been only Communist literature and technical material. There is no censorship of reading so close, so comprehensive, as that of the Party. I had often seen leaders pull books from shelves in homes and warn members to destroy them. I had no desire to read now. The one book I did open was the New Testament which, I had never stopped reading even in my clays of darkest Party delusion. I still remember the misery and darkness of the first Christmas alone. I stayed in my room all day. I remember the New Year which followed, when I listened with utter despair to the gayety and noise from Times Square and the ringing bells of the churches. More than once I thought of leaving New York and losing myself in a strange town. But I did not go. Something stubborn in me told me I must see it through. It was a strange and painful year. The process of freeing oneself emotionally from being a Communist is a thing no outsider can understand. But I had begun the process of "unbecoming" a Communist. I bad to learn to think. I bad to learn to love. I had to drain that hate ancl frenzy from my system. I bad to dislodge the self and the pride that had made me arrogant. vxe afternoon in March of that year an old acquaintance, Wellington Roe, breezed into my office. He asked if I had ever known Owen Lattimore. I said I had not. Had I ever known him to be a Party member? Again, no. I had heard of him vaguely, I said, as a British agent in the Far East. A few weeks later he came again, with a man he introduced as Abe Fortas, Lattimore's attorney. The attorney asked if I would give him an affidavit saying I had not heard of Lattimore while I was a leader in the Communist Party. So I signed an affidavit to that effect, ancl thought that was the end of it. I was naive to think so. A few days later I was served with a subpoena by the Foreign Relations Committee of the Senate. At the hearings I saw Lattimore for the first time. At a table with Senator Tydings sat Senator Green of Rhode Island, Senator McMahon of Connecticut, Senator Lodge of Massachusetts, and Senator Hickenlooper of Indiana. Back of them sat Senator McCarthy and Robert Page 34 Morris, whom I had known in 1939 ancl 1940 as one of the attorneys for the Rapp-Coudert Committee which had investigated New York City schools. When Senator Hickenlooper began to throw questions at me I reacted with the hostility of a Conununist, and gave slick, superficial answers, for I did not want to be drawn into what I regarded as a Democratic-Republican fight. On facts on which I bad knowledge I told the truth. But when it came to questions of opinion I still reacted emotionally as a Communist and answered as a Communist. I had broken with the Party but was still conditioned by its thinking. Something, however, happened to me at this hearing. I was at last beginning to see how ignorant I had become, how long since I had read anything except Partv literature. I thought of our bookshelves stripped of books questioned by the Party, how when a writer was expelled from the Partv his books went too. I thought of the systematic rewriting of Soviet history, of the successive purges. Suddenly I wanted the truth. I found myself hitting at the duplicity of the Communist Party. IVIy appearance before the Tydings Committee renewed my interest ill political events. I had at last spoken openly and critically of the Communist Party. I could now breathe again. I could read critically, and I lived again in the world so long lost to me. I found I was again able to interpret events. Now I realized that, with tbe best motives and a desire to serve the working people of my country, I> and thousands like me, had been led to a betrayal of these very people. I saw now that I had been poised on the side of those who sought the destruction of my own country- I thought of an answer Pop Mindcl, of the Party's Education Bureau, had once given me in reply to the question whether the Party would oppose the entry of our boys into the Army. I had asked this question at a time when the Communists were conducting a violent campaign f°r peace, ancl it seemed reasonable for me to draw pacifist conclusions. Pop Mindcl sucked on his pipe and with * knowing look in his eyes said: "Well, if we keep our members from the Army, then where will our boys learn to use weapons with which to seize power?" I realized the Soviets had utilized Spain as a preview of the revolution to come. Now other peoples had become expendable — the Koreans, North and South, the Chinese soldiers, and thc American soldiers. 1 found myself praying. "Cod. help them all." What now became clear to me was the collusion between these two forces: the Communists with their timetable for world control, and certain mercenary forces in the tree world bent on making profit from blood. But I W* alone with these thoughts. The year dragged on. The few people I came in contact with were as misplaced as myself. There were several, o° of the Party like myself, struggling to find their way b:" to reality. One was being psychoanalyzed. Several wer" drinking themselves into numbed hopelessness. Sometime5 1 went to visit my family, my brothers and their children- But from these visits I returned more desolate than ever.' bad lost my family; there was no returning. Early in the fall of 1950 I went to Washington to arg"e an immigration appeal. I ran into an old friend, Christopher McGrath, the congressional representative of the Twenty-seventh District, the old East Bronx area of my Facts Foiuvi News, September, l**-
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