OF H. J. C. RUN
IN RICE RELAYS
By Kenneth Phillips
a pokin' aroun' in my back yard
t'other day, an' I noticed our ole Banty
hen chasin' a snail- Wal, shev didn't
hev much trouble in ketchin' him, a
rite away she gobbled 'im up.
She looked kinda puzzled like-
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Baseball Team Shifts Workouts
From West End Park
Davis Moulden, Nesmith,
Oliver Form Team for
PHIL 0. SOPHIE
THE RIVER'S SECRET
(A Short Story)
By Miitoit Moffitt
Spring finds the H. J. C. Athletes
literally "up on their toes" with pep to
put the alma mater out in front.
Trackmen of Junior College participated in the Rice Invitation Track
Meet at Rice Field, Saturday, March
er mouth, an' felt it all slimy wher'
th' snail hed gone down.
Turnin' to the' rooster, she remarked,
"I never knowed stewed okry kud
crawl aroun' on th' groun' befor.'!
Wal, thet ain't got much to do with
my degree in filosofie, but th' ole hen
hed th' rite- idee.
Heer's a horibul little thing that
min's me av one passaj in "Tresur
Hand" that gos somethin' like this:
"Fifteen men on a dead man's chest
Yo, ho, ho, for a bottle of rum."
Wal, az I wuz sayin'( here it is:
I "Rattle his bones over the stones!
He's only a pauper whom nobody
Nine students prepared to enter the
meet for the school but only four were
able to take part in the event.
Leonard Davis, Jimmy Moulden, Wil
lard Nesmith, and Jimmy Oliver formed the J. C. one-mile relay team. I Wonder whul's a pauper? Mus' be
Foremost among the other contenders j som kinduva bum. I've seen some
were John Tarleton, Arkansas Tech, | them az looked thin enuf fer ther
Allen Academy, Victoria J. C, and Ter-,' bones to rattle.
rell Prep. John Tarlelon won the event
when it established a new record of
3:30.5 for the Junior College mile relay. The old record of 3:31.2 was made
by Terrell Prep, in 1928.
Dave Fur man, Edmundo Gonzales,
Robert Branham, Cecil DeLaney, and
Eugene Stoke I y who were scheduled
for the shot-put, discus, low hurdle,
and pole vault were unable to take
part as those events were not open
to the Junior College class.
Leonard Davis attracted favorable
tention from sport authorities when he
forged ahead to overcome a handicap
of 30 to 40 yards.
Several other track meets in the
near future are in view, according to
Coach A. W. French.
New practice schedules for the Junior
College baseball nine began Monday,
according to Coach A. W. French. The
team will train on Monday, Tuesday,
and Wednesday mornings at West End
Park and on Thursday and Friday at'
The squad which has been in training for several weeks first used West
End Park as a practice field. After
a series of high school games made
regular use of the park impossible, the
team turned to Hermann Park. Now
both diamonds will be used.
The team is not a member of any
league but has a number of games with
commercial and other amateur teams
in view. St, Mary's Academy has already asked for a game.
Perfessor Vanzee is always talk in'
about somethin' thet remin's me uv
"The pomp of heraldry, the pride of
AH that beauty, or wealth e'er gave;
Await alike the inevitable hour:
The paths of glory lead but to the
Perfessor Vanzee seems to hev thet
on his min'. Wal, I gues it's best to be
thinkin' about things like thet—«
day it'll be arrived' already, an'
won't hev any more time to plan
A man suffering from an excess of
stimulant and tottering preceptibly, arrived home as the clock was striking
three. After carefully removing his,
shoes, he tiptoed softly to the door.
He slipped his key in and was half way
■ down the hall, when he upset the
I gold-fish bowl, causing it to fall with
a resounding crash. Friend wife was
awakened by the noise and appeared
at the head of the stairs,
"John, what on earth are you doing?" she called sharply.
"I'll teach these bloomin' goldfish to
snap at me," said John.
"No action, whether foul or fair,
Is ever done but it leaves somewhere
A record written by fingers ghostly
As a blessing or a curse."
Thet don't rime perzackly, but it's
pretty good, anyway. But thet makes
me feel to gloomy. Les talk about
somethin' more cherful.
We bin hoi din' a revival meetin'
over to our church th' last to weeks,
an' aprocksimatly eighty soles jined.
Thet makes me feel purty good.
My closest rival fer th' hand an'
hart us Miss Sally Pritchens done left
toun fer a spell. When I think us thet,
I feel rite pert. Now I got about to or
thre weks to git things to workin'
When her papy dyes, she's gonna
git maried, and he's purty nigh ninty
now. It's eether gonna be me er John
Brown, my rivel.
One thing 111 hafta remember whil | gelher they had looked at the post-
hes' away is not to mak any dirty! card album. What Mary did the other
craks about him. Thet wouldn' be fare, i six nights, Jimmie didn't have a very
You may hev heerd th' pome thet gos; clear ic*ea of, but he worked, learning
somethin' like this:
By lone Brown
The weathered little houseboat lay
scorching under the mid-afternoon s
The river was blinding with the gli
of the light on its surface, while
every direction the high marsh grass
stood motionless, unbroken by any
path. Under a lone waterwillow,
fording the only shade except the
terior of the houseboat, old man Todd
leaned, fast asleep. His scant grey hai:
lay in wet strands across his red perspiring forehead. His sad moustache
drooped around his half-op en mouth
and his weak chin was drooped into
the open collar of his dirty blue shirt.
From his listless hand extended a crabbing line. Below in the clear water
near the bank, could be seen three
baby crabs nibbling at the bait,
bare feet hung into the water and
every ripple wet the edges of his faded
brown trousers. No sound disturbed
the stillness save the drone of the
mosquitoes and the whistling snore
from the sleeping man.
The oldest old-timer could remember when old man 1'odd first came to
the river, forty years before. He had
been somewhat of a mystery with his
city clothes and manner and the
folk had resented his presence among
them. "Wasn't everybody on the
born there and their ma's and pa'
fore 'em?" they asked. "God knows
they didn't make no fortune fishin'
that a man with edjucaiton should
come among 'em." But because of his
meekness they had tolerated him and
when he anchored his houseboat in a
spot no one else wanted they overlooked his presence and, as his nails
became broken and dirty and his fine
clothes gr^w ragged and faded the
river people had come to accept him
as one of themselves.
On just such breathless afternoons
as the one described Jimmie Todd had
sat forty years before, gnawing his
knuckles and lamenting his atrocious
deed. But drink and too many tears
had weakened his memory and he
slept now instead. The river had kept
his secret all thsse yeais, only whispering it at sundown to the lapwings,
they swept down for fish. This is
the tale it could have told:
Jimmie Todd wroked back in Lambert in his uncle's factory, but that
only secondary The most important
thing was that he had a girl—a wonderful girl named Mary Dick. She had
known him in high school and Mary's
mother had considered him
boy" and had let Mary have her first
date with him when she finished
school. Thereafter every Friday night
Jimmie had gone to see Mary and to
San Jacinto Cafe
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"As words can hurt
So they can heal
The agonies that mortals feel.
As words can slay
So they can give
A stricken dream the will to live.
Since words bring joy
Or black despair
God make us choose our words with
Wal, it seems to me it's pas' tim fer
me to clos. If you all will hole the
kettel down 'til I kin kum back, I guess
I'll see ya th' nex' time. Az usual, So
A Hot One
Wife: "I'll never take you to
party as long as I live."
First Battler; "You asked Mrs. Jones
how her husband was standing the
Victim: "Well, what of that?"
Wife: "Her husband has been dead
One block East of Jumor College
"Let's Get Acquainted"
Holman and LaBranch H. 8194
to "keep books for his uncle. He kept
thinking of the time when he would
get a raise and then maybe he and
Mary—but he blushed at the idea. So
for two years he had been blissfully
happy, seeing Mary every Friday
Then one night Mary, with a little
blush and giggle, had told him that he
could no longer come to see her "because, you see," another giggle, "Tom
and I are going to—well we are engaged and I don't think it would look
right to keep receiving other company,
Mary engaged! and to someone else.
She had been fooling him. He couldn't
remember clearly how it had happened
—the terrible thing that he had done.
The thing for which he had left home
and a good job and come to sit on a
river bank and ^naw his knuckles. He
was sure the devil that Dr. Brooks
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Can you imagine?—Easter has been
here and gone. Oh, girls, I did have
the most adorable Say, here comes
Kate Meyers! I'm sure you know her.
Cute and sophisticated!
There goes John McGivney. He's so
cute but so nonchalant without even
the aid of a murad. I saw him eating hamburgers with onions the other
One of the most attractive and popular of 'em all is Hulda Alexander..
She's a honey, and I ought to know.
Speaking of brown-eyed Susies!,
Boys, have you noticed the eyes of
Marion Banta and Mary Catherine
Russell? I wish I had 'em—the eyes?
Let me tell you, I hope someone accidentally on purpose breaks a slot machine somewhere near this joint. I'm
just about fed up on life-savers.
Charlie Woods has a locker full of 'em,
to say nothing of Sam Kalsman.
But speaking of life-savers, wouldn't
Bill Spitler make a complete wash-out
of the rest of 'em? I mean, if he
should take it upon himself to be one.,
Love is in the air now that spring
There's Nora Calhoun and Johnny
Reagan. Cute, huh?
And still they come—Bobbie Bran-
ham and Betty Groenlund.
Still more (it's getting to be a habit)
Warren Lemmon and Phyllis Work-
This could go on forever but it's
terribly disheartening to me. There's
Hazel and Richard, and Maurine and
Terry. Oh dear, oh dear!
There's just one thing that is worrying me! Who's rushing Willard Nesmith, Phil Hamburger, and Fred
Stark? Wonder if J could compete?
Let's all together for better or for
worse. Spring isn't over yet
Love and kisses,
told about on Sundays- had been the
cause of it. Yes, that was what had
made him, Jimmie Todd, the nicest
boy in town, slap the giggling Mary
Dick squarely in the face.
THE COUGAR'S CAVE
Each month Junior College exchanges the "Cougar" with papers from
colleges in all parts of the United
The first paper received this month
is "College Chatter," from Little Rock*
Junior College at Little Rock, Ark.
The editorial page was especially
good, having many snappy features. ^
Here are a couple of their "Kollege
"She's called Radio Station."
"Because anyone can pick her up—
especially late at night."
"I just quit my job."
"The boss was so bow-legged I kept
falling through his lap."
"The Forty Niner," from Yuba County Junior College, Maysville, Califor- ■
nia, is a real little paper. However,
it does not contain quite enough humor""
to satisfy readers of the "Cougar." In
its column of "Do You Know That"
we find that: "An Indian wears feath- .
ers on his head to keep his wigwam."
"You can keep a dog from going
crazy in the summer by shooting him
in the winter."
"This Scotchman bought a Ford because they threw the clutch iin."
"Joan of Arc is Noah's sister."
Another paper shining before us
from Arkansas is "The Herald," the
State College paper. This paper car- —
ried an especially interesting column
about their alumni. Taken from one
of their columns comes:
Ten records which should be in
1. Exams are over but our grades
2. (Prof, to class-cutters): If I could
be with you one hour.
3. My teacher don't care for me.
4. (Student to a "C"): How'd you-»
ever come to me, you darling.
5. Dormitory Bay 'When the dinner
boll rings at twilight.
6. Any student to an angry roommate: Three little words.
7. Dean of women to co-ed: Go home
and tell your mother.
8. Pledge (after ten weeks, to the
college): I'm leaving you.
The Gusher, sent to us by the *
Charles Bender High School of Humble, Texas, is a neat little paper. It has
lots of news in it and it is handled
very well. Glad to hear from you.
Amarillo College of Amarillo, Texas,
puts out an interesting college paper,
The Ranger. It has several very un- "^
1 and attractive features. One of
their Soothsayings ought to attract a
good deal of curiosity and interest.
The Literary Lasso contained many
good special features.
Women are no longer mysterious
says The Wrangler of Edinburgh, Tex- I
They are found wherever man ex-
Seldom in free state, with few
exceptions the combined state is to be
preferred. They are highly explo;
inexperienced hands. Let us hear from
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