IF YOU HAVE HEARD
BY MILTON GREGORY
(By Milton Gregory)
The silver in the U. S. silver dollar is worth about 30c.
It costs more for rowboat to go
through the Panama Canal than it
does for a battleship.
Cement sacks are tied before they
If one Paramecium (a minute animal barely visible to the naked eye)
multiplied and all survived to the
9000th generation, they would completely fill the whole known universe.
Mahomet III of Turkey began his
reign by having 19 of his brothers
Some butterflies are worth $20,-
000 each. Most of these are drab
and colorless. Brilliant ones are
worth little or nothing.
When a train is traveling 60 miles
an hour, part of the train is is stationary, part is moving 120 miles an
hour, and part is traveling backwards at the rate of 10 miles an
There is no Indian head on an Indian head penny. The figure on this
coin is really a bust of Liberty.
The sparrow has twice as many
bones in its neck as has the giraffe.
A mere thimbleful of the poison
produced by the germ of Botalism is
enough to kill every human being
in the world.
Saturday is not the bath night—
More people take baths on Sunday
than on ny other day of the week.
nore elastic than rubber
is more durable than
General Sherman did not say "war
is Hell". He was very much puzzled
over this quotation and made an extensive effort to find the person who
first said it,
A bee's wings beat at a rate between 2000 and 3000 times a second.
Secluded Kensington Hall was
chosen for the Frosh Bam Dance on
the plea that powerful-lunged Pat
Foley and Israel Rabinowitz would
sincerely appreciate the space and
And is Alma Stewart the graduate's honey! These long, langurous
bay parties are surely the grape-
Pat Foley and Jimmie Brinkley
are at each other's throats in Mr.
Henderson's classes, but they separate to battle Mr. Harris in English
class. Now whycime?
Hamp Robinson some time ago donated one cigarette-case-lighter-vanity to Mary Bradley Anderson be-
le is "woozy" that way. Reports show that neither smoke!
"Woozy" Ander son-Robinson.
Richard Long and Jimmie Green
run around our track practically in
circles practically in the not-all-here
practically every day. Gasp an eyeful some sunny afternoon.
And Israel Rabinowitz joins Elmer
Hamilton in the after-school-swim
movement. Drop in on them sometime.
Evelyn Coffee, Mary Stevenson,
Wilma Lindsey, Virginia Cotton, and
-—Lucy Grady are two groups of
people to no.
Noticed the sun-tan already acquired by Jenny Waite and Catherine Munger? Give Jenny one more
good hot week-end and Catherine
two or three and you'll really see
Jimmy Brinkley seemingly has
to hold hands and long discussions
with Lucille Black about the gradu-
es or is it romance?
Rumored it is that Richard Long-
legs is a CRACK-ed track man.
Mr, Henderson, Mr. few-strokes to
you, last week beat Mack Douglas
and L. P. Marshall playing golf.
Mr, Harris made Johnnie Allright
look amateurish at Tall Timber
Stables and impulsively prescribed a
parachute to complete the riding outfit of the other saddle-bumper.
All of which goes to show the
sportsmanship and agility of H, J.
INFORMATION: Concerning the
whereabouts of the one man in the
world for me.
We invite you to write your opin-
n concerning anything you like or
An appreciative aud-
WANTED: My money back on the
guarantee for the correspondence
rse I have been taking on "How
to Become a Professional Journalist."
You Tel! One—
Continued from page 1
again, so I thought that it must have
been my imagination.
"I continued on my way, but somehow, I had a feeling of apprehension.
"A clearing ahead caught my eye,
so I dashed forward. I broke
through the fringe of bushes, and
came face to faee with a large African lion.
"He growled and crouched down
as if to make a spring. I was petrified with terror. Suddenly I remembered that I was the great Hopan-
wiggle. My terror left me and I
stared the the lion in the eye.
"He growled again, but this time
I advanced to meet him.
crouched down and sprang as I
marched; apparently to my doom."
"Gosh, professor," I said breath'
lessly, "what happened? Go on!
"Well," said prafessor Hopanwig-
gle, "I just laughed and went on to
the next cage to make plans about
having the animals unloaded and
turned loose so we could have our
hunt. Boy, I was plenty glad that
nobody had let that lion out of his
cage. He surely was a men looking
BY EVELYN COFFEY
Dames and Dates
For many Friday nights I've been
prowling about the Junior League
dances, haunting Almeda Drug Store,
peering about Phillip's Cafe, and occasionally, even popping out suddenly from behind Mrs. Ebaugh—only
to find a mean lack of romantic excitement.
Let me first put in a few words
concerning the Pat Foley—Ann Ow>
madness. Their romance went swish
—the grounds being incompatability,
providing I can spell it. It seems
that they really cared at lot about
each other and might have gotten
along together if it weren't for an-
irrestible impulse to poke each
other in the nose whenever they got
within striking distance.
Incidentally, Virginia Cotton
makes the heart of a certain young
law student pound like the bearing
of a broken down Ford.
Harold Renfro is now ga-ga about
Joyce Gillette. At one time( fully
week ago) he was in the same condition over this yum-yum
O'Neal. Fie on you, Harold! You
ght stay put till my column goe:
Furthermore, Fulton Renfro and
s Freckles has gone definite for
Frances Nesmith, who reminds one
of old-fashioned ballads and roses.
But I'll admit she's about the sweetest little lady this side of Paradise—
frankly confess that mj
knowledge of Paradise is somewhat
Kitty has a little swing,
It isn't hard to find.
And every where that Kitty goes
The swing is just behind.
• A. Marks
HELP WANTED: Will someone
help me look for a man who is my
WANTED: A good journalism
class, to be composed of Biraey-
F. R. Birney
WANTED: A publicity expert to
properly handle news concerning my
some millionaire who would like to
part with his million to better the
cause of the poor starving Ameri-
A1I wet, or whydoes Buddy Steeger
wear a towel-sweatshirt.
Minnie and Frieda Topek went
In English class, we have recent
ly been studying how the validity of
tola deductive argument is convenient-
HELP WANTED: Won't someone
do something to make me happy—
so I can get rid of this bored look
INFORMATION: On how to console doting mothers of debaters.
WANTED: A man who will be
contented to settle down and live a
quiet home life. I am tired of this
Help Wanted: Will someone please
id Elmer for me. I want to go
LOST: Israel Robinowitz, promi'
nent psychologist, who has wandered
astray due to the extensive strain hii
mind has been undergoing since the
publication of his great book, "Mental Re-Action of Fleas to Environment."
Paul Harris, Jr., who spoke in the
school auditorium last Wednesday
night, seemed to be for peace and a
complete eradication of war. The
learned Mr. Harris told us about the
horror of war and its bad effects,
including the selective draft, which
leaves those with flat feet and poor
eyes at home. Perhaps Mr. Paul
Harris, Jr. forgot to mention the
number of flatfeet and poor pairs
of eyes that did get into the army
in spite of what he would have us
When cornered with the question
as to how we should eliminate war,
Mr. Harris said that we should disarm as an example of our good faith
and trust in the altruism of other
nations. From the present looks of
things, none of us are liable to trust
the word "altruism" for no synonym
for it exists in the Japanese language today,
■. Harris' ideas of acquiring
peace seem to me to be inviting
trouble and would be somewhat odious to a person who loved his liberty. Now I would suggest that the
school get someone to talk to us
about the armed forces of the U. S.
and why we should keep them up
to the allowed treaty strength. We
should hear the other side of the
Mrs. J. P. McDaniel
ithout bating suits. Cold
really they had to
And Wilma Lindsey invaded Journalism class and removed Laura
Munson, who immediately went into
a hudle in the hall.
What this country needs is bigger
doors or better huddles.
Mr. Birney daily suggests improvements in Houston's newspapers.
Huh, maybe you could possibly suggest some beneficial changes in this
I'm always tired on the first of
Who wouldn't be after a march of
thirty -one days?
"Why don't you go in?" asked
one tramp of another, as they stood
before the gate. "Dat nog is all right.
Don't you see he's waggin' his tail."
"Sure I do, but he's a-growlin'
too, and I don't know which end to
ly tested by arranging the steps of
the argument in the form of a syllogism.
Major premise: Love is blind.
Minor premise: The home is an
Conclusion: Therefore, marriage
must be an institution for the blind.
Chili Spencer's big Pierce-Arrow
pulled up to the curb.
The little girl's heart missed a
"Going north, Babe."
"Well, give my regards to the Eskimos" and the big car continued up
"Well never have a woman president," contributes Fred Aebi, "because a president has to be thirty-
five years of age."
Small Stuff for What It's Worth
Only one thing is as cretain as the
fact that day follows night—and
that is that every issue of the Cougar carries a Jessie Darling story-
If it be wisdom to take what Fate
To ask no questions, to make no
Then how is one to get along ?
Is one to drift, and follow ways
Of least effort in this old world?
Is one a fool to try and try and then
To reach the star of one's desire?
If that be wisdom, then give to me
The kingdom of the fools, and let
Me work and try again to right
The wrongs I've done.
Then when my days are o'er,
Perhaps my soul in peace shall rest
With knowledge of a goal attained.
Continued from page i
carried more weight than did Mr.
Dupre's for each of the visiting debaters, Messrs. Garcia, Mummy, and
Cox, rose in turn nd sid they thought
the girls looked O. K.
The banquet, arranged by the
Cougar Collegians and the Guild
Savant, took place in the school cafeteria to 6:30 Friday evening. Ap-
proximtely thirty-five persons were
present. Bud Steeger, president of
the Guild Savant, officiated as master of ceremonies. The banquet was
punctured with numerous short talks
by various members of the assembly.
Among the speakers were Mr. Du-
Mrs. Bender, Mr. Harris, The
Texas debaters, and officers of the
arious classes and clubs of the
Amazon river has the biggest mouth
the world haven't seen Jessie yet.
The readers of this column are
cordially invited to witness, or take
part in the following duels which are
to take place Thursday at 3 p. m.
The writer of this column—Leroy
Melcher, Virginia Cotton, Kitty Hurlock, Wilma Lindsey, Richard Long,
my personal opinion that Ered Aebi,
Continued from page 1
been placed in the library. These
have long been needed, and are now
entirely filled with the overflow of
books which has filled all available
open spaces. 'The John H. Bender
Memorial Library,' consisting of
about sixty volumes on physical education, is to be placed in a special
case and marked by an appropriate
nscription," said Mrs. Shearer as she
directed her assistants in placing the
last of the books in their proper
Another affair in the offing, is the
Library club annual picnic. Definite
plans have not been worked out. It
has been the custom to have the
event take the place of the last club
meeting of the year in May. The
chiarmen of the entertainment committee and the program committee
will have an announcement to make
concerning this outing in a week or
geographers who state that the Refreshments will be served.
Jas. Mooney: You seem to have a
bad cold, old man. What are you
doing for it?
Ben Young: Today I'm doing what
Craig told me to do. It's Jones' day
tomorrow, and the next is Hiden-
himer's. If I'm not better by Sunday, and if I'm alive, I will try your
remedy. Will you please put it on
this memo pad?