The strength of Googoobacofita,
the germ which causes fallen arches,
is put at one fuzzle. It takes 10
fuzzles to make a fizzle, 1,000 fizzles to make a buzzle, 6 buzzles to
compose !4 a bip, and 9 bips to make
up an erg. And just what the hell
an erg is—nobody knows.
Professor Ignatz Jerywitz has dis
Covered that ordinary grub worms
have a high nutrition value when
eaten with limberger cheese. These
worms, if eaten with due care and
consideration, have a tendency to
prolong life since they are rich in
vitamines J and K.
A Harvard prof astonishes the
scientific world by discovering that
an ordinary housefly has 6 character
genes to every body cell, and each
parathyroid gland has at least 2
14 Stars, 200 Glorious Stars
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nuclei in every cell. Wonderful stuff
this—and has a great value toward
bettering the human race.
Clear pure diamonds can be
made in the H?J?C? chem lab by
melting a pound of butter in a quart
of boiled juuz oil. Everyone can even
make diamonds in their own home
for a small cost if they have the
butter and juzz oil. But the trouble
is that there is no such thing as
A Chicago mathematics fanatic .-
cently issued the following statement
to the press: '"If a car sets out from
Houston traveling at a speed of
miles per hour—then at the end of
an hour's time the car will be a di:
tance of ten miles from Houston.
It took the math shark 10 years to
complete that research.
estimated that the average
goldfish can draw in and spurt out
6 fluid ounces of water every
A recent scientific survey showed
that out of every hundred matches
that are made, they have the following uses.
28 light cigarettes, 6 serve as
toothpicks, 4 light fires, 12
chewed up and thrown away, 5 get
and become useless, 15 are
wasted because the wind blows them
out before they become well-lighted.
12 are used as toy soldiers in children's minature wars, and 18 serve
the function of cleaning out peoples
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One of the bloodiest battles ever
staged between a faculty member
and a student was witnessed last
week in Holman Square Gardens
when Pat (Patsy Watsy) Foley and
H. W. (Snookums) Henderson fought
a ten round draw.
Henderson drew blood severly injuring Patsy Watsy by slapping hin
squarely on his square head with a
paperbag filled with garbage refuse
Holbdie Katz, biological research-
for Harvard, spent 26 years studying the Planaria or flatworm. Ht
reports that the Planaria, in arder to
travel one inch, expends enough
ergy to run a steam engine for one
ten-millionth of a second.
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The bag broke, leaving a bunch of
carrot tops around Foley's neck like
a garland wrath.
Foley retaliated by tickling Snookums in the short ribs wif a lil bitsy
witsy feather. O doodness gwacious!
The Murdock-Bishkin scrap was a
willie dillie'. It came about as a
grudge which started in Bish's chem
lab. The two contestants decided to
meet on the field of honor in the prize
ring and settle their differences like
gentleman—by trying to kill each
other. Those birds are real gents
and the top 'o the morning to them
both. Darn their hides!
One of the most grueling tiddley-
wink contests ever staged in the
annals of H. J. C. was between
John MUSCLE-BOUND Hill and
Ed PUNY Smartt. Shartt had the
weight advantage but Hill was the
"You ole nasty thing,"-accused Hill,
"I shall be forced to chastize your
And a good time was had by all.
Continued from page 1
every girl in the audience will have
lots of company.
Ten thousand dollars in cash will
be given as prizes. Admission will be
15c for each person, and only four
hundred tickets will be sold.
This company of stars have been
gathered especially for the one showing in the Houston Junior College.
The program, offering hundreds of
delightful skits, comedies, radio programs and orchestral music will last
If present plans materialize, many
other famous names will be on the
program. H. R. H, the Prince of
Wales is planning to join Eddie Cantor and arrive in Houston in time to
go before the footlights.
Benito Mussolini will give a short
pep talk and do a song and dance j
act with Jean Harlow.
Hello, gang! Station N U T T
about to give the correct time. When
you hear the sound of the gong it
will be exactly 8 p. m. providing you
are listening in between 7:59 and
Please stand by for a ram.
Next on the program will be a
baritone sole: "He Wouldn't Pay
Me For That Tattoo So I Took It
Out Of His Hide."
Hey, hey. played by C. W. Skipper and his melody boys.
This will be followed by the Sands
Street Sextette singing a song of
their own composition dedicated to
Milton Gregory entitled, "You Were
A Mint For Me."
The next number will be a trumpet
solo by Budlar Birney entitled "At
Dawning." Mountain Lion Mill will
play the accompaniment on the under
side of your hammock with a baseball bat.
That's all this time, folks, if you
ked us send in your requests to
Station N U T T, if you did't like
us, address all mail to the deep blue
sea—don't forget to put the cork
on the bottle!
Continued from page 1
smoke belched forth, they cautiously
Off came each hero's coat to beat
out the flames. Nearer they came.
' great tongues of fire leaped at
them. All coats were quickly raised
to whip out the red tongues of flame,
when they discovered the fire was
a fire, but Kitty Hurlock was
giving her version of the Charleston.
La Verne Lathrop is ;
we ever saw one.
If yau are going to San Antonio,
don't fail to see John (Know 'em
All) Hill's diagram on the best
places to get liquid refreshments.
Fred Aebi, an infinite nu
years on the campus and :
cent old ruin!
Continued from page 1
A second statement issued by Doc
"John D. ain't no great benefactor
of humanity after all. De tightwad
only give us a dime an' it looks like
us school boids is gotta EARN a
Other members of the executive
board also razzed Rockafelled for his
cheap donation. Well anyway a
dime' a dime these days!
Continued from page 1
manager, a great promotion from the
Junior College paper ... Oh yes, I
found out the truth about the phoney
letters, they're all a lot of hooey and
written by none other than J. J.
Mooney and Ben Young.
Well, don't believe a word 1 told
you, but just the same if s in print.
I will be seeing you next April fool's
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