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The Cougar, Vol. 6, No. 10, March 31, 1933
File 003
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The Cougar, Vol. 6, No. 10, March 31, 1933 - File 003. March 31, 1933. University of Houston Libraries. University of Houston Digital Library. Web. September 16, 2019. https://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/10270243/item/59/show/57.

Disclaimer: This is a general citation for reference purposes. Please consult the most recent edition of your style manual for the proper formatting of the type of source you are citing. If the date given in the citation does not match the date on the digital item, use the more accurate date below the digital item.

(March 31, 1933). The Cougar, Vol. 6, No. 10, March 31, 1933 - File 003. Daily Cougar. University of Houston Libraries. Retrieved from https://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/10270243/item/59/show/57

Disclaimer: This is a general citation for reference purposes. Please consult the most recent edition of your style manual for the proper formatting of the type of source you are citing. If the date given in the citation does not match the date on the digital item, use the more accurate date below the digital item.

The Cougar, Vol. 6, No. 10, March 31, 1933 - File 003, March 31, 1933, Daily Cougar, University of Houston Libraries, accessed September 16, 2019, https://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/10270243/item/59/show/57.

Disclaimer: This is a general citation for reference purposes. Please consult the most recent edition of your style manual for the proper formatting of the type of source you are citing. If the date given in the citation does not match the date on the digital item, use the more accurate date below the digital item.

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Title The Cougar, Vol. 6, No. 10, March 31, 1933
Alternative Title The Boogar, Vol. VI, No. 10, March 31, 1933
Date March 31, 1933
Language English
Description From title page: "Published by the journalism students of the Houston Junior College."
Subject
  • College student newspapers and periodicals
  • University of Houston
Place
  • Houston, Texas
Genre
  • newspapers
Type
  • Text
Identifier LH1.H6 C6; OCLC: 10270243
Collection
  • University of Houston Libraries Special Collections
  • University of Houston Archives
Rights In Copyright - Copyright Owner Unlocatable or Unidentifiable
Note This is an April Fools' Day issue of The Cougar.
Item Description
Title File 003
Transcript THE COUGAR ROBOT COW Pictured labove is one of the two robot cows acquired far the practice sessions of the H. J. C. summer school dairying classes. Newly invented by Prof. Lucifer G. Futz, the machine is virtually human, and very ticklish. Coach Bench tried the machine before it was purchased, and stated Thursday that it is a real inovation in practice milking.. After cleaning the carbon it gives east Texas milk, and Pennsylvania motor cream . Note the contented Look . . . Mooooooooo. Because of the numebr of requests that have come into the office, dairying will be offered to students during the summer semester, according to an announcement from the Louisiana St. Offices of President E. E. Overdoser. Tentative plans call fir this course to be fully affiliated with that offered by the junior college in Hillsboro, Texas, and students planning to go there after leaving the Houston institution will receive full credit, and a letter of recommendation, as well as a blessing from Father H. W. Harris, college chaplain. According to Ignatious K. Whoopee, dean of the college, no instructor has as yet been appointed to instruct the course. He admited, however, that the decision will be upon either Coach Archie W. Bench or Prof. Red R. Wormey, both of whom are well qualified. Coach Bench was born in Delhi, Texas, and lived there for the most part of his younger days, riding on the Phony express between there and Houston for many years before he was promoted to drug clerk at the Gabbles. He came in contact with many Junior college students in this position, and was requested by them to come to H. J. C. and teach. Willing to try anything once, coach Bench readily accepted, and has done wonderfully well, as the records of his teams will readily signify. When interviewed. Coach had this to say: "One of the first things I will do, if I get the job, will be to organize a cow-milking team at the H. J. C. to compete with the Four H clubs in neighboring metropolises. We have a wealth of material here, I believe, and should easily win the regional championship. As yet, we have no cows to practice on, but you can say that a requisition has been made, and after it goes through the necessary channels, we will get one or two. The school already has enough equipment for the team." Prof. Red R. Wormey, other candidate for the position didn't dwell so much on personalities when interviewed. Wormey is a graduate of Pagoda college in California, and took three courses in cow's philosophy, he disclosed. "Why do they always milk cows early in the morning?" we asked him, and he replied with the air of a professional, "Because if they wait until noon, the cream will sour." MACFEE HONORED Numerous efforts on the part of the faculty of the H. J. C. have finally resulted in securing for Richard Macfee the title of asssistant LIVING MODELS baseball coach and feature writer of the college team and paper respectfully yours, E. E. E. E. Whatyma- callit. dOn'T ReAd tHiS laDies and .GentlexMen of ThiS col- leGe, As YoU caNsEE fRom this beGin'NG, i am a nu RePoRteR oN the PaPeR. ALL i wonted too DO; x5 is 9 To teLL u foaks i wilbe Writin in EevRy iSSU333e . tHe ediToR putme "*n chg., Of the morg wHeRe theY kEEp theKuts.hE SUGAR LIP SMARTT Ed Smartt the Emancipation Park Gild Savant Collegian Outdoor Club was awarded a medal for bravery said i Was DED From tHe nek \i> up, ne Way. yEsterdaY hE tOld me to rite Mo c)py for tHe keWgeAr. hE cald the PapPer soMe bad nAmes an he diDnent havtime torltE for tHe x(x()(x-? *—*———thing neway. i dindt no nothin to Write About as i wanta Hole mY job ?fflx i left out bUt aftEr about, i m cending ina colOm. i aM tak'nG lesOns—." on hoWto riTe on atyperitter wtHouT huNt & . pecKng by malL. mY L ast 1E- sen comeS tomoRRow'—, so theN i wlii no hoW to rite fulSpeed nad miSteaKs. 2 of THe rePorteRs laFFed when thay Saw mY colUm, but thay dii dnt no i was the Bes neuspaperha: in pumonio, cal. someBoDiE pjust brout in sume neWs fo rthe paPer, but U foaks new abouT it all las montH neway, sew till nex TiMe i jsu wunt put ine of it. youR paL O. 0. mC ntir, JR. Dopey Daniel asks, "If Horace displayed during a recent pie-eating iGreely was alive today, and if he contest... Smartie saved 2 H. i. C.Jwas broadcasting on Rudy Vallee'i eoeda from the vicious onslaughts of program, would he say, 'Go yeast, a goldfish. iyoung man, go yeast?' " STOP ME! IF YOU HAVE HEARD THIS ONE BY MILTON GREGORY Again, your pardon Mr. Ripley. Lincoln was wrong. At Gettysburg he said: "The world will little kiow nor long remember what we say ' Yet this address is remembered longer and more universally than any other. A provincial actor in France was able to move his hair at will, cause it to stand on end, fall or curl. He could also make one side curl while the other side lay flat. Try this on your Larynx. If you remember how easier it is to remember what you would rather forget than remember, than to remember what you would rather remember than forget—then you can't forget how much easier it is to forget what you would rather remember than forget, than to forget what you would rather forget than remember. Turkish baths are not Turkish— or or they baths. They are hot-air oom of Roman origin. Talking about depression. J. Og- den Armour, Chicago packer, lost a million dollars a day for 130 days. The jugular vein is not a vein—it is an artery. A two-inch pipe will give four times as much water as a one-inch pipe. The volume of a pipe varies as the square of the diameter. A storage battery does not store electricity. Westminster Abbey is not an Abbey. Its true name is the Collegiate Church of St. Peters. John Howard Payne, author of "Home Sweet Home" never had a home. He was a wanderer on the face of the globe all his life. Japanese cherry trees bear no fruit. They are merely ornamental. Contradicting proverb: Great minds run in the same channel. Fools think alike. The ice-flower of Switzerland, forces its way up through the solid ice to blossom in the sun. A schoolboy made 13 mistakes in spelling the five-letter word "usage." He used eight wrong letters and none of the correct ones in his attempt. His version was "Yowzitch." There is a left-handed and a right handed sugar, termed Dextrose and Elizabeth King, yes, the dear girl, she's a bit all right, forgetful, but still a bit all right, you know and Marjorie Wilke, somewhat of a runt but a nice girlie with which to play hands, so 'tis said .... which brings us to Margaret Scriber, an inmate of our own Junior College, and quite a bit of a hert breaker if we can believe our eyes, you know . . and still there is Harry Echols, our own Conege boy, something of a charming smile and personality no end and last but not least in our heart comes the dear, dear Harriet Allen, somewhat of a beauty and charming without a doubt. liner Hamilton, the accomplished dancer—was he missed at the Soph- ire dance, and N. C. Jenson, one of the crooners of H. J. C. noted especially for his handsome profile. What's This— Continued from page 1 thought it fun—that is as long as his manager signed him with push- 'ers. Joe Devon was a manager— that's why he kept feeding his charge set-ups. He knew Kid King wasn't ready for a real trial, but he kept along these lines. It costs money to set-ups because it's worth a pocketful of pieces-of-eight to take beating such as King began issuing out. When Devon thought his fighter was ready for a "trial-horse"—he igned him to meet "Tiger" Van. The Tiger was sometimes good and sometimes bad, but any boxer who hoped to gain recognition had to first dispose of him. Devon was not only good as a fight-manager, but also as a gambler: and when he had a hunch he usuallly backed it with his bankroll. It so happened that he had a hunch that Kid King could beat "Tiger" Van—consequently he bet several thousands on his charge. Smack him over, Kid. Smack him over." the Kid was instructed by his manager. "He has been slammed oretimes than door. Smack him When the bell sounded to send em into action, King didn't know whether to circle his opponent first, or just go out and "smack him over." The problem was decided for him. No sooner had he started from his corner than he found his opponent before him. Van led a wild right hand. King cleverly ducked and coun- terer by ramming his left into Van's face. King set so fast a pace for the remainder of that round that he won it by a large margin. The next four rounds found Van's face hidden by a medly of fast-flying boxing gloves, and he had yet his first solid blow to land on the hard-fighting Kid. "Smack him on his chin," King's manager told him during the rest period before the final round,"—it's glassier than a ten-cent diamond. After the belligerents squared off in the center of the ring for the final round. King threw over a hard left hook that landed flush on the angh of Van's jaw. It was a terrific punch: Van's eyes went bleary and his knees sagged under him, but instead of going down he merely shook his head and bored in. The effect of Van's being able to stand uj under such a hard pounding turned the tide of the battle. For five rounds King had pushed forward and had hit Van with everything but the water-bucket. . But when he found Van could "take it," he immediately lost heart. Van was quick to si let-up in attack, and set out to change his route of defeat to a drive for victory. It; was just too much for King to have to extend himself in battle. He lost heart—his punches lost steam —and he bgan running backward. At first he was confused, then alarmed; his excitement prevented him from blocking a blow that would not have ordinarily been landed. Down he went. He witnessed a new sensation seated on the canvas—the sensation had an apalling effect on his courage. The average fighter—receiving a body blow of no greater force than this one—would have bounced up and finished the fight at tip-top speed, but King remained on the canvas. He seemed reluctant to leave this haven of safety for place where he might be subject to receive punches aimed at his head. A voice slowly beat its way into his rain. "Six. Seven. Eight . . ," it was the referee tolling out the fatal count. King hesitatingly rose to his feet. Van, excited by his chance at victory, let go a wild swing. The blow, describing a speed-blurred arc through the air missed its mark. It landed on King's shoulder. King fell to the canvas like a felled giant-oak; but he w. NEWS ITEM: GOBBLER LAYS EGG IT COULD BE FUNNY 'Gosh, Bill, I have a funny story to tell you. Hah, hah, hah! Gosh, it's a scream!" All right, let's hear it." It starts out—haw, haw, Gee, you'll die laughing." Well, I'll die happy. C'mon let's have it." Tou see, there was a—Bill Jones told it to me, and I tore the buttons off my shirt, I laughed so hard." It must be funny. Go ahead and tell it." Well, it starts out that there were —say, have you heard it before?" No, I don't think so. Go on." Well, it seems there were two Irishmen, Pat and Mike and—hoh, hoh, hoh! Boy, it's a scream!" "Say, are you going to tell it or not?" There were two Irishmen, Pat and Mike, and well, I'll be—" "Whats the matter? Go on." Gosh, Bill, I've forgotten the joke!" THE DERN SISSY Kitty Hurlock was walking silently down the hall one night last week, unaware of the fact that Mr. Dupre was behind her She stooped to pick up a cigarette which someone had discarded, and when Dupree saw her, he said, "Kitty, don't you pick that up!" Listen, Dupe, I saw it first" was what Kitty said. And she picked it up. Joe Patterson saw a girl standing i the corner across from school one day and even though he didn't know her he seemed to do very nicely .... saw him cross the street and take her home. Home Sweet Home. Wonder sf if she told him the right name? Lucille Holland is awfully afraid that her Austin reputation is going to follow her to Houston. A hint to the wise! Where have we been all our life? We just met Buddy Norton that charming new person at H. J. C. Ask him if he knows how to play games. Johnny Allright is still meandering silently about the campus attempting to find a lady love. course by cleaning out the stalls, xno anu awv ■^i Mou>j l.uasaop irjptt '^oq pa.ta-anjq 'i[Bj n s,3jaqx lowed to work their way through the essed of enough forethought to itretch out his arms to break his fall. When the count of "ten and out" was reached, King sprang to his feet and walked to his corner none the worse off by his "knockout." That night Joe Devon, fight manager, in a downtown speakeasy sat lost in his own thoughts. As a wait- passed he managed to say, "That guy King hasn't the nerve of a wood- hobby-horse." Yeah!" agreer the waiter, "he hasn't even the nerve to bet his whole roll of dough on a fight," Joe looked up and smiled.
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