A DUMBBELL THINKS
BY JAMES A. JULIAN
A woman is no stronger than her
weakest wink. .
A fool and his money are soon
Lots of our studes appear to be victims of the hit and rum drivers.
And there was the Scotchman who
was willing to hitch-hike a mile for
Is isn't aways the college spirit that
counts—sometimes it's the spirits.
People used to talk about the time,
the place and the girl. But nowadays
no one sees a man who has the place
and the girl taking the trouble to look
at his watch.
"It's the little things in life that tell,"
said the co-ed as she yanked her kid
brother from under the divan.
She was only a throat specialist's
A nip in the corridor usually means
a nap in the classroom.
You don't lave to live in a tree to
be a sap.
At any rate, professor, we can do
something you can't. We can sleep
while you are lecturing.
The word alimony, dear pupils, is
merely a contraction of "all his
Some girls are poor losers when it
comes to reducing.
Two is company, three is a crowd-
in a modern break fast-nook.
When youth calls youth—it means
more business for the telephone company. '
He who laughs last—should have
A college, boy doesn't necessarily
have to be a cannibal to live off his
Neck and neck describes the actions
of any college student.
The magician sang before his saw-
a-man-in-two act: "I must halve that
As Juliet said to Romeo from the
balcony, "Why didn't you get seats in
Never do today what you can put
off until tomorrow.
Some girls are so hard it takes a
diamond to make an impression on
You can't drive a nail with a sponge,
no matter how hard you soak it.
He who hesitates is honked.
Remember when Lincoln was elected President the people drove oxen to
the polls to vote.
Song dedicated to flappers: "So As
Ye Show, So Shall We Peep."
A caterpillar is just an upholstered
Beef was the highest when the cow
jumped over the moon.
A good example of wasted energy is
to tell a hair-raising story to a bald-
Rhubarb must be blood-shot celery.
The only place you can get a chicken
dinner for a dollar or less is at a feed
and grain store.
There was a young lady named O'Niel,
Who went up in a big ferris wheel;
But when half way around
She looked at the ground
And it cost her an eighty cent meal.
JUS' 'TWEEN US GIRLS
It seems that the Alexander-Spitler
romance certainly has been lasting.
Betta watch out, Hulda, theres
couple of cute girls that would like
a little of Bill's attention.
Then there's Wilma and Silas. Aren't
they sweet? It has all the ear marks
of True Love.
Say, Bob, where's Betty? It doesn't
seem possible that that romance could
have gone on the rocks, but things like
that still happen. Huh?
Pretty little Phyllis Workeman
must have done something to Wai
Lemmon. You know he was terribly
interested in her last year. Well,
thanks to Phyllis, now the rest of the
girls have a chance.
Boys, are you going to let those two
good-looking girls, Ruth Depperman
and Melbadel Dright, run loose in the
halls? You never can tell, you might
have a chance, maybe.
What is this I hear about Grace
Scholeman and Harry Phillips? Don't
tell me they're getting that way too!
The halls of H. J. C. seem to be a
fashion review with Melbadel Wright
the center of attraction. If she wears
it you know it's good.
It looks like Howard Graham has
found someone that really appreciates
him. What about it, Lolita?
JUS' TWEEN US GENTS
Hello everybody! This column is
strictly for gentlemen (now girls, calm
yourself) 'cause, you see, we're a
couple of dizzy blondes.
Well, now that we've got all the
ladies reading this we'll go ahead and
say what we please.
Sigh, Cy, Sigh! Gee, ain't it awful?
We mean all that heavy Cying on the
campus. Did we misspell it? Oh, well,
you could spell it. almost anyway and
it would still ride in a green car, wear
boots, and eat ice-cream cones in
front of the building.
Oh, yeah, here come Warren and
Jimmy. Are they going in for aesthetic dancing or is it the mosquitoes?
And we're wondering which really is
the president of the sophomore class.
Did you see those lady .guests at the
freshman dance? There's rumor that
some of them weren't ladies—how
about Hudson Edge? Huh? Well, now,
he's a darn good sport and we are all
Say, boys, you may know your vegetables, but here's a tip on colors. Red
te a good color, and sure is pretty on
some blondes, especially that little
Washburn girl—think we'll try a little.
Green? Just take a look at the
freshman girls—green lipstick and
Oh, yeah, and you all remember
pink makes men propose. Wonder if
Nora Louise had any luck Friday
Well, if pink won't work try a little
| Violet. Gee, ain't she a honey? Sure,
e mean V. Herbert.
If you like dark fall shades try
Black—Lucille. And in case this does
not Tally with your color scheme, try
Professor Miner one day observed
"Most students have to come to college to learn to think; a good many of
them — freshmen especially — think
they are thinking when they are not."
Christine Fitzgerald, twice president
of the John R. Bender Dramatic Club,
(see the Cougar Directory) once had
aspirations toward becoming a preacher but has decided that;
place is in the home."
Alec Murelle was practicing some of
his lawyer tactics on a fellow student.
He was just in the midst of a discourse setting forth the virtues of a
strong character. "Don't let anybody
tell you what to do—", he was saying.
About that time, the lecture was interrupted by the sound of an automobile Packard horn.
"That's my wife. I have to leave you j
you now, if I dont want to get in
trouble", said Alec and he was" gone.
Charles May, one of the several
Texas Company employees attending
RJ.C, is not as lazy as he seems. He
just works so fast that he is always
C. Herman Albert, of Kuhn's Paint
Company, is living up to his alphabetical prestige. In a year and six
weeks in H.J.C. Journalism classes,
his only grades have been A's. Albert's
fellow workers report that he "relents"
being called "Baby Face".
Those mysterious sounds you have
been hearing in the halls between
seven and seven-thirty are nothing but
Harry A. Echols practicing his theme
song, Harry seems to think that Russ
Colombo is good too.
Many H. J. C. students thinking
"Lefty" Morris had left the institution for good, have been wondering at
his presence at the door three times
per week. Lucile Slaughter
has a hrfa.m
OFFERED IN PHYSICS
Students taking physics are now
grouped and courses are offered to
them according to needs of their
The engineering and pre-medical
students want intensive foundation
couise in physics are placed in Physics
114 in order that they may study the
course in detail. There are 65 enrolled
in this course.
Other students taking physics to
satisfy requirements for a degree or
general "information" course are
placed in Physics 113, students are now
Patiently I've listened to many laments
About the tricks of fate and the tidff
I know them all—I've heard each
Concerning the heat and the business
I've looked at politics from every
I know how serious is the European
But not no these will I waste my ink—
There is another question of which
I must think.
It's not the weather, nor wayward
Far graver this, and that's the truth.
Before we argue of wages and hours,
Or take a day off to work with our
There's just one thing we should de-
When will the Empress Eugenie
Sooner or Later
Sooner or later
AH that you're saying tonight,
'Tis sweet for the stars to kiss the sea,
But not half so sweet as your kissing me.
It doesn't mean a thing, I know,
But I like your snappy line,—and so,—
RECEIVED IN LAB
Few of the outstanding pieces of
apparatus received in the physics department recently are a permeameter,
spectrameter, several high grade armatures and voltmeters, a variable
inductance standard, a standard condenser, and several pieces for the experimental study of magnetic and electric fields.
The permeameter is used in an experimental study of the magnetic properties samples of iron, used in generators and motors.
The spectrometer is used in the intensive study of light, particularly the
kinds or colors emanating from chemical elements.
Inductance standard and standard
condensers are used in the study of.
both low frequency and high frequency
alternating and direct electric currents.
BY GENE DANFORTH
Houston Junior college always gives
three days in which to register, and to
be perfectly proper you must go the
last day and at the last possible
When you enter the building you
must be very noisy, being sure
that you yell a greeting to everyone
in sight. You must be very rude by
pushing in ahead of the others waiting
and by loudly demanding cards.
After receiving the cards, you should
waste a great deal of time so that
there will be a long line waiting ahead
of you. When you finally reach your
destination and start to fill out your
cards, be sure you ask many foolish
questions concerning the course you
want to take. Be sure to make your
cards our incorrectly, for there are
plenty of cards to waste.
You should have only a vague idea
of what courses you wish to take, for
there are teachers to plan your life's
work for you. When the teacher has
fixed your program for you, you
should look around to see if you can
cause any more trouble.
If you look hard enough, you will
see a long line of people waiting to
pay for the courses they are taking.
You really don't have to wait in line
so making a great deal of disturb -
ice, you push in ahead of the crowd.
When a certain man tells you the
amount of money you will have to
pay, you must argue about it, for
arguing does good in Junior college.
When you make out your check for
your courses, be sure to make it out
for the wrong amount so that you
n keep the people waiting just a
After you have completed your registration, you may be able to find
someone to take your courses for you.
walked home from a
As I li
mlight has a thousand charms
content in your warm young
Knowing, despite these convincing
That you whisper a thousand precious
Sooner or later
All that you're saying tonight,
Never mind the by-and-by,
Sooner or later,
So will I!
A recent dance, to which Junior
College students were invited, at thi
"End O' Town" dance shack might
well have been termed "A Lesson
They wanted to make whoopee-
do di o do—poop poop pa doop
(shamey)—hey hey. So they went
away to the "End O Town' 'to dance
to the forty-two piece orchestra.
The dancers grunted and groaned in
perfect harmony, the deep basso of
rhythmic na use at ion blending in with
the general theme of the beauty and
moonlight. Or was it beauty? Or was
it moonlight? Or was it either?
During a lull in the beat of
tom-tom's tuba, a piercing cry of innuendo broke out of the atmosphi
It was a lady in distress. Or was it
■ess? Anyway we go into poetry-
It was up in Lehigh Valley,
In the days of nip and tuck;
Nip took his gal to this here dance,
And left her there to luck.
And luck she had the whole night
In dancing and dancing—and dancing.
After a while things began to hum.
The orchestra threw away their horns
and clapped their hands, as the gathering quit dancing and started a game
of "Squat Josie." It was a revival of
the Scullion's Ball.
A charming affair, we assure you.
Her hair was white with sleet and
Chill was her face in the wintei
She wept and wailed an eerie tune.
Someone stole her pantaloons.
Initiation was in order at a luncheon
given in honor of ;he njw members
of the Cougar Collegians, girls' pep
club of H. J. C, held at the Phoenix
Furniture company recently.
Those initiated into the cluo were:
Frances Nesmith, Justine Shapley,
Elizabeth Kerbow, Myrta Meisner,
Ruth Smith, JoyO Smith, Elizabeth
Dickerson, Florence Davis, Elizabeth
King, Frances Bates, Carol Wildman,
Marjorie Ashe, Salage Slay, Frances
Barkley, LaVerne Lathrop, Doris Mc-
Vicker, Lolita Washburn, Elizabeth
Ruthven, Verna Compere, Lula Grace
Kellogg, Katherine York, Eugenia
Stephenson, Wilma Lindsay, Margaret
th, Lucy Tailey. Mary Lou Gaines.
buggy ride, but she had athlete's foot. "In Greece."
It's hard to put anything over
Louis Gershen. He knows all the
answers. One day Mr. Miner interrupted a history lecture to ask the
class, "Where is Turkey?"
Quick as 3 flash, Gershen replied,
INSTEAD OF REACHING
Oh, what has become of those famous
Who, for a fag would walk a mile?
It can't be that they're pikers,
Perhaps Keep Kissable is more
A meeting of the sophoi
who are interested in basketball i
held in the gym November 4, to organize a sophomore team.
Five games are scheduled, to be
played between the sophomore and
freshman classes. '
(Continued from page 1)
semblies held once a week on Wednesday night. The first Wednesday
night will be set aside for class and
club meetings of the school at which
time all school business is discussed.
The first program will be devoted to
student entertainment as put on by the
public speaking classes, dramatic
clubs, or any student acitvity. The
remaining two assembly nights will be
turned over to the outside entertainment.
S. W. Henderson, Mrs. Pearl C.
Bender, W. A. Rees, E. W. Schumann,
and H. W. Harris compose the assembly committee and are putting forth all
effort in making these assemblies the
Paul Gillon: Yesterday I was it
company of the one I love best
Maxine Krohn: I'm surprised you
don't get tired of being alone.
William Wanda: Haven't I seen you
somewhere some time?
Margaret Smith: Quite likely, I've
Where do you think I'd be if I had
a million dollars?
On my honeymoon.