IF YOU HAVE HEARD
BY MILTON GREGORY
George Washington was the eighth
president of the United States—
John Hanson and six others served
as president before he did.
America was named by a German
professor in a French school for an
Italian navigator in the service of
the king of Portugal.
The strawberry is
nor a berry.
neither a fruit
General Pershing did not say
"Lafayette we are here." This was
included in a speech made by Colonel Charles Stanton, chief disbursing officer of the A. E. F.
In 'The Old Brewery' a tenement
house in New York City, there was
committed on the average of one
murder a night for fifteen years.
Here a little girl was stabbed to
death one night for the sake of the
cent she had begged.
A python can swallow and digest
a large deer—antlers and all.
The fastest thing alive is
Cephenemyia, or deer-fly. It can
travel at the rate of 816 miles per
hour—$00 yards per second.
On the island of Tahiti, in the
South Sea, it is raining every hour
of the day, every day of the year.
This island, though only half as
large as Rhode Island, has 80 riv-
Red can be seen at a greater distance than any other eolor.
Ice skaters do not skate on ice. The
weight of a person upon the narrow
steel runners causes the ice underneath the skates to melt, due to the
pressure—so the ice skater really
moves upon a film pf water.
James I, king af England over 300
years ago, took a ride in a submarine in the Thames river.
Both ice and steam are dry. lee
is only wet when it melts, and then
it is not ice. Steam is not only
dry, but is also invisible.
Some of you may be glad that
is is the last issue of the Cougar,
so you will know that I'm not spying on you, and yet others may be
Who is this junior at A. & M. that
has stolen the heart of Libbye Lewis?
Saw him with her last when they
were uptown, April 20—Wonder
where they were going?
According to rumor, T. V. Rogers
has been getting home rather late
after classes—because of a certain
blonde, Lillian Schwartz.
Why is it that J. M. Johnson and
T. V. Rogers are always together
'hen in school, but after school that
their ways part somewhere on Lamar?
Who is this boy from A. & M. that
Ava Dee Jackson had a blind date
with Friday night April 28 ?
We, that is I, wonder who is the
Junior College boy that is trifling on
his girl out in the Heights, by taking Evelyn Cochran home now and
Can you imagine anyone with
such low mentality as Welton Lee
making the highest grade in
chemistry the first semester?
Why does Leon Green, a former
student, come to school so often?
Bill Jones, a former student, is
now studying at a pharmacy school
in Fort Worth.
Who is that good looking boy that
Alma Stewart had a date with recently that made her so popular at
H. J. C?
And so goes on the romance of
Jimmie Brinkley and Lucille Black
Who is this young, nice looking
boy that is always with Mattic
In a recent Bugs lab period Mrs.
Usong, who was sitting in the near
part of the room with Leeds Bayli
had the misfortune of having her
necklace broken. Wonder if Leeds-
had anything to do with the destruction of these pearls ?
Why does Frances Nesmith cut
Bugs so often?
Well that is enough: I won't have
those that aren't named in this column anymore—I'm sorry this is the
last issue, so until the next time I
BY SEYMOUR SCANDAL
Continued from page 1
Curry, and Winifred Greenwell, Jefferson Davis; Vivian Farguson, Ruth
Tausend, Paul Farren, Howard
Gready, and Bonnie Bell McBride,
John H. Reagan.
Mrs. Cora Clifton Stafford, Lucille Black, Harriet Allen, and Harry
Gray were the Junior College representatives.
Dean N. K. Dupre of Houston
Junior College introduced Dr. E. E.
Oberholtzer and the faculty of
Junior College, Mrs. Pearl Bender,
dean of girls; Mrs. B. F. Coop, board jvicinitv of the sieeper, and the class
member; Mrs. Oberholtzer, and Mrs. letters. The instructor raises an
F. M. Black. Doctor Oberholtzer I yebrow irl reprimand.
then welcomed the guests to the Suddenly the bell rings, ending the
evening's entertainment. class. The sleeper's eyes snap open
Immediately following the election: just as the teacher's gaze falls upon
of the queen of the reception, the him. Both smile. The boy wonders
grand march started around the gym-|;f he was discovered in his slumbers,
nasium. Dancing followed, and an |and the teacher makes a mental note,
The English instructor is intent
upon lauding the works of O. Henry
and other masters of the short story.
The class, with hands neatly folded
upon desks, is giving perfect attention. Wait!
One boy in the rear of the room
is nodding. As the teacher puts emphasis on a word, he jerks and opens
his eyes, but seeing that al! is well,
he allows his chin to drop to his
He leans at a precarious angle.
The boy in the next seat, alarmed,
reaches out a steadying hand. The
tyrant sleeps on.
The instructor looks up from her
book and glances at the attentive
class. She beams with pride, but
fails to see the black sheep.
She again becomes absorbed in her
book. A light snore is heard in the
Seymour was thinking of mentioning the fact that Mary Elizabeth
Horan robs the cradle because she
seen in Galveston with a 14
year old high school sophomore, but
ihe is now in love with another
sucker, Paul Sparks, we won't say
word about it. (This item cost
Seymour Scandal ten cents.)
It seems that Harry Gray has an
appeal that women cannot resist. A
his picture in the
paper and wrote him a mash note.
Please come back and leave that
Crawford mug alone. All is fo
Your own little Patsy Watsy
So Riehard Macfee has deserted
Lil Swartz for the blonde member
of the Gohlke duo. Take a hint, Mae.
Mr. Macfee dotes not like gabby
We hear that the camera that took
those alluring photos of Mesta Waggoner at the bay has not worked
since the pictures were snapped.
There are reports going around
the school that Robert Piehl has the
most conceit and the loudest mouth
of anybody in the world. Personally,
n't know about the conceit, but
riously doubt that he has a
larger mouth than Joe E. Brown.
Fred R. Bimey declares that he
is 100% wet, so we would like to
know, "does that make him ALL
Have you seen the picture Bill
Holt took of his girl in Louisiana?
Seymour would like to know how he
got it developed.
Now we hear that Wilma Lindsey
asked Henry Withers, "Why don'tcha
come on up, some time?"
Pat Foley once cared for a decided
brunette named Katy Mae.
Hoss" Ross was also peaches and
cream over a lass named Nora. We
wonder why he never talks about
Birney tells on self.
In the little town where Mr. Fred
Birney went to school, only sissies
ever graduated. It was unthought
of for boys to go to college.
(According to Mr. Birney's own
"So the year I graduated from
:oIIege only two other boys had ever
Now is that insinuation or what?
Feeney—Look here, Allen, when
e you going to pay me the four
dollars for keeping your dog? I've
had him about a month now.
len Marshall—Why Melvin, the
pooch ain't worth more than six
Judge Arthur Morgan—"You are
accused of stealing a chicken. Anything to say?"
Fred Page—"I just took it for a
Judge—"No resemblance whatever.
Annie Boone McJunkin—"little
boy, does your father know you
Homer Riley—"Yes, does your
mother know you speak to strange
Florence Scott—"Where do nuts
Helen Wood—"They grow
Florence—"What kind of trees do
doughnuts grow on?"
Joyce Gillett—"Where do jelly
fish get their jelly?"
Irvine Woodruff—"From the o<
currents, I guess."
Melvin—Well, 'supposing I keep
him for what you owe me.
Allen—Not by a jug full. Tell you
what I'll do; keep him two more
weeks, and then you can have him.
Mrs. Bender—A big man like you
might be better occupied than in
uelly catching little fish.
Mr. Dupre—Perhaps you're right.
But if this fish had kept his mouth
shut he would'nt be here.
Paul Sparks—My girl is so dumb
she thinks a gin rickey is a Japanese
Bellhop (after guest had rung ten
minutes): Did you ring sir?
Guest: Hell, no! I was tolling; I
thought you were dead.
A young city girl was holidaying
in the country and became rather
friendly with a young farmer. One
evening as they were strolling across
a meadow they saw a cow and a
calf rubbing noses in the accepted
"Ah," said the young farmer,
"that sight makes me want to do
"Well, go ahead," said the girl,
"it's your cow."
entertainment by the students of
Houston high schools was held in
the auditorium for those not wishing
The attendance, estimated at 2000,
was handled by the Guild Savant,
Houston Junior College's men's club,
who acted as ushers-
wishing that all of her students v
as attentive as that youth.
The sleeper leaves the room for
his next class where the seats are
more comfortable, and the teacher
puts on a frown to prepare for that
rowdy next period class.
Summer is here. Ho hum!
So your old correspondent, '
wishes to take the space to congratulate Kitty and Jimmy, is now saying "mud in yer eye" to you all, pos-
My for the last time this term.
BASE BALL TEAM BOASTS
Houston Junior College's base ball
team has compiled the greatest record in the history of the school by
playing through the 1933 season
without a single defeat marked
Although it is true that they have
won no games, the six boys composing the team have done much to
uphold their school's honor in athletic
Led by Jimmy Oliver, hustling
manager, the Cougars have shown
much fight, working out three days
each week. Although the win and
loss column remain undented, the
season has not passed without satisfactory results.
Manager Oliver has acquired a
good sun tan.
AROUND THE HALLS
We can't help noticing that HAMP
is becoming more and more a "one-
man. HE and WOOZY
look so nice together that something
hould really be done about it. Heard
some damsel say that GEORGE
HEYDRICK was the answer to a
maiden's prayer, after due consideration of his pleasant grin, have decided that there might be something
The depression is still here, we saw
FRED AEBI picking up second-hand
chewing gum the other day, and
HARRY GRAY likes to eat gravy
right out of the serving dish—you
know, bread here, and gravy there—
home-like. Something should really
be done about people like MINNIE
TOPEK who still brags about her
spanking escapade in the hall. (Jesse
Darling has a sure HAND, anyway).
PAT FOLEY, young in age and
old in experience, glad you told mei
Pat. We hear that BUDDY NORTON thinks veils are of no avail on
dates, and that the boy who is true
to one girl (one at a time) is think
ing about resigning from all clubs
and going into the gigolo business as
a private enterprise. Who is he,
LEROY MELCHER? Don't rush,
If you would inquire of DONALD
AITKEN he would probably tell you
that there are twenty-four inches
in one foot. What kind of a fvigi-
daii-e repair man would BOB STALLINGS make? Deuced clever of our
young aviator to change her name to
COPELAND. Oh, for the life of
Who is MACK DOUGLAS moonlight dancing with these nights?
Marion Robinson—"What's become
of the young man who used to bring
you all the flowers?"
Lou Johnson—"He married the
girl at the florists."
And of course don't forget the
prisoner who wanted to skip the
Fred Aebi: Darling, I have been
thinking of something for a long
time. Something is trembling on
Sissy: Why don't you shave it off?
Duncan Neblett: "I see that in
London a man is run over every
Elamey Fisher: "Poor fellow!"
"Where did the car hit him ?"
asked the coroner.
At the junction of the dorsal and
cervical vertebrae," replied Mr.
And the burly foreman rose from
s seat. "Man and boy, I've lived
in these parts for 50 years," he protested ponderously, "and I never
heard of the place."
Now comes the story of the absent-
minded professor who rolled under
the dresser and waited for his collar
button to find him.
Fulton Renfro: "Haven't you got
Jane and June confused?"
Ben Young: "I'll say! They don't
know what to expect next!"
GET YOUR LINEN SUIT
Main at Preston
Love as hot as the desert sands!
An M-G-M Picture!