THE STORY OF A JUNIOR COLLEGE FRESHMAN
SWEATERS FORTHCOMING SOMETHING
FOR COUGAR GRIDMEM*
By SLIM BOUKNIGHT KANNERDY
When class was over at 7 o'clock
Wednesday everybody started runnin'
down the hall and up to the third
floor. I ast Bob Tracey whur the fahr
was t and lie ast me "what for?" Then
I ast him, "don't you know what a
fahr is? Farli! Farh! You mean to tell
me you ain't never been to one?" Well
he got kinda smart and wanted to
know if I meant "fiah" or something
like that. Some people oughta learn
to talk decent.
Well, I went on up to the third floor
like everybody else was doln' and
run Into a big room. They was nigh
onto a hundred nice, clean, shiny,
black top tables with four iron cheers
around it. I bet that room was as
big as our town hall whur we usta
practice our band music.
Well, sir, everybody was gittin' in
line and agoin' through a door and 1
got in line behind Irene Cafcalas and
I ast her what this was. She looked
at me like as not I didn't smell so
good and all to wunst her nose begin
to go up on the end. Hun, maybe
she didn't know who I am! A feller
named Block was behind me and said
as how this here wan a cafatery, a
place whur you et cheaper. When I
got through the door there It all was.
Gosh, I ain't never seen nothin' like
this before. Why, this beat the time
we had the lawg rollin' and all the
folks came over and we cleared them
fifteen acres of new ground. I wondered efen I could prop my feet on
one of them cheers and lean back like
I do at home when we get to the
end of the line a lady took my
and kinda smiled at me. Boy, I bet
she knows who I am. Ooooh, my pore
When I had et a lot of other folks
was through, too, and they was all
agoin down stairs to the second floor
for something. We passed a long line
of folks waitin' to eat, nut we geat
it on down to the second floor. I ast
Louise Shepperd where bouts we wa
goin' at and she said "to assembly.
I ain't takin' assembly this year so I
'lowed as how I wouldn't go, but she
said "you better or you'll be absent
and get a had mark." Wei I went
and it wasn't no class a tall. Now
wouldn't that kill you?
I met Orpha Harris, a good lookin'
gal, agoin' through the door of the
assembly and me and her set. together
in the middle. That shore is a purty
room. And nigh onto five hundred
seats or maybe more. They was a
great big gold stripe runnin' around
the top of the wall and a big platform
In front of us set back in the wall.
Orpha said as how that was the stage.
Well, on top of the stage was a funny
lookin' pianner. Aunt Lucy has got
a organ, but it ain't nothin' like that
there planner. Purty soon a good
lookin' girl got up on the stage and
played. Boy, she shore could play.
Mr. Dupre, the dean, got on the
stage then and said a lot to us, but
we couldn't hear nothin' fer gum
chewin' and whisperin' and gigglin'.
Sounded like Alph Tate's bee hives.
Well, Mr. Dupre whistled fer everybody to git quiet and told all the
sophomores to git over on the west
side of the hall, all freshmen in the
middle whur me and Orpha was a
settin' and all the special students on
the east side of the hall. Me and
Orpha got up and started to go over
to the east side when same smart
alec hollered at me "Hey, whur abouts
youall agoin'? Come on over here
whur you belong at?" Maybe he don't
know who I am. Me and Orpha set
on the east side. And I ain't, agoin'
to set In the middle so long as Orpha
sets over here.
"I want youall to make good grades
thig year so you'll hafta study hard,"
is what Mr. Dupre 'lowed. I'm afeered
he don't exactly know who I am yit.
Anyway, he said as how we must
study purty hard so's weall would git
demoted or somethin' like that. (Ooo-
oohhh, boy! Wait'II I git home. I'm
agoin' to pull this here shoe off right
We are agoin' to electa yell leader,
so Mr. Dupre says, and I seen everybody lookin' at me and Orpha, and I
'lowed to her they was agoin' to make
me yell leader and started to show
her how I could holler .1 was a good
yeller on our team. But Mr. Dupre
'lowed as how we ought to make Roy
Hoffheinz (or somethin' like that),
seein' s how he was already actin'
in that capacity. I didn't know he
was a actor feller. Anyway, I told
Orpha as how it would be better to let
Roy go on and yell instid of me.
Mr. Dupre then says as how he
don't want nobody droppin' any eours-
May be he don't know me. I an't
agoin' to drop no course. But I guess
maybe he meant some other feller.
He said somethm' about no refunds
bein' made after the fifteenth day.
Well, so long as they ain't got no
money of mine I ain't skeered o' not
bein' refunded. Some times you don't
git exactly what fs acomin' on these
unds. I had one wunst and you
should uh seen it.
Then, sez he, Mr. Dupre, "Ilu a
gonna hold you responsible for all
announcements on the Junior College
Bulletin Board, and later on we inout
have the use o£ the high school bul-
etin, but right now youall will be
responsible for everything on yore
own board." I don't write on boards.
I can buy paper and pencil, I reckin'.
He said somethin' about not parkin'
my cyar in the driveway. I reckon he
don't know who I am. I don't need no
cyar. I fills 'em up and they drive
away. I work at a first-class fillin.
station. Anyway, efen I had a cyar
I'm supposed to drive in on the left
driveway from San Jacinto street, and
oh the right driveway from Austin
street. Oh, well, I ain't got no cyar.
I was gittin' tahrd and 'lowed as
how I was agoin' to snuck out and
go somewhur, but she wouldn't let
me. She says, sez she, "Mr. Smith, the
coach is agoin' to say something."
And, he did. Boy, it made my blood
boil. What he told them there other
students was a fright. The ornery,
no account, hairless, bull yearlins.
Now, ain't that crazy? A blanket
tax is somethin' you pay so as to go
to all the games and to help pay expenses of the teams and activities. 1
know because SHE said so. They
didn't have me fooled none. I knowed
all the time. They oughta know who
I am now. (Oooh! Gosh! That shoe
shore does hurt).
Monday night Mr. Smith said, we
side hall at 7:10 and all freshmen on
are agoin' to elect class officers.
Sophomores air to meet on the west
(he east side hall. Well, sir, I can
pick out the president of us fresh
fellers right now. I told her to gave
on IT while he had the chanst, as I
moughtent be able to give her no time
after I'm elected on account of me
being so popular. I shore was popular back home. All the gals was jest
crazy about me. 1 coulda got a date
with all six of them efen I had wanted
Well sir, Comes Wednesday, October 16, (lessee, this here Is Wednesday, October 9th), we are agoin' to
elect the student association officers.
Huhn? What did you say, kiddo? Oh,
nominate them? Oh. Shore. I knowed
all aong. It Is Frida> the 18th we are
agoin' to e'ect the ossifers.
Mr. Smith them 'lowed as how we
was agoin' to play a football game
Saturday, the 19th, and ast us all to
be there. I done get me a gal to go
Seventeen men! Those who reported for practice in rain or shine; those
who fought when the play was open
over hard green turf or when it
a battle of the linesmen down in
the muck and water of a cold October evening. Those who tackled as
hard when they were fighting a losing battle as they did when the odds
were with them; the »ainstays of a
deservng team. Seventeen men!
Ends: Sherrard "Teb" Warden, Allen Eaton, Harry Mathews; tackles,
Farrell Wallace, Aaron Brown, Jack
Fleming; guards, Floyd Galbraith,
Nick Peel, John Driscoll, John Lehde,
center, Weldon Morris; backs, Chas.
Jorter, John Aleo, Louis Christiansen,
Jake Passante, William Jeter, Willard Nesmith. Manager, Bob Tracy
and coach, C. B .Smith.
Their sweaters will be presented to
them at an early daie.
Then Miss Kidd got up and 'lowed
ns how we was all Cougar Collegiates
and we should be proud and stick our
chists outen our shirts. They is to
he another meetin', too. A important one. Down in room 118, Friday
night, October 11th, at nine thirty.
Miss Kid wants all us fellers, every
one of us, to come down. I know
right now she Is agoin' to ast me to
say something'. Well, it's about time.
They don't know who I am (Ooooooh')
"Say," sez Orpha to me, "Do you
know Ruth Kidd is president of the
Cougar Collegiates and is a takin' six
subjects in her sophomore year? No7
Well, she shore is." Oh, baby, Me
and her Is agoin' to be swell friends.
Just wait till she finds out who I am.
"Say, dizzy, are you agoin' out fer
football " some smart guy asts me.
I give him a dirty look outa my bad
ye and he slunk again i.ne wall sbiv-
erin. I don't know whur no football
Is at to go out fer It, but this guy
says "I'm Red Porter"-—well, he must
be the captain of the team. Walt
'til I git on that team. You can bet
you'll mighty quick find out win
agoing to be the captain.
"Air you kinda puny?" this captain
says to me Hubii-I can lick foah like
him. But he says to come and git in
unyform and the coach would give
me a tryout. You oughta see me in
that unyform. Hot, daddy! I shore
look scrumptuous. Efen Sally could
see me now. The captain Is kinda
skeered fer me to go out. I'm thiukin'
because he knows mighty well he*
won't he captain long.
I looked at them shoes we had to
aar. "Say, coach," I told him. "I
can't wear them shoes," And be says,
Well, they may be a little big but
try them today." Big! Huhn! They
are only tens and a half.
Jump on the ball," says the coach.
I did. Gosh, what a funny thing happened. The darned ball turned sideways and I fell on my ear. The coach
bragged his hair with both hands and
hollered "r-r-r-r-r-r-" through his teeth.
He musta had a mighty had head-
Say, feller," he says to me, "Fall
on that ball." I did. Woof. It knocked
the air outen my stomick. Shore
did hurt. Well, the coach had another
headache and started to go git some
medicin. We halked around with his
hands on his head mutterin':
Say rummy," he says to me, "Can
you kick?" Well, I 'lowed as how 1
The last time I kicked that
yearlin' fer jumpin' the fence, he ain't
jumped it no more. Then that
feller ast ME efen I can kick. Ho!
; Boy. I drawed back them twelves
mine and lammed her good. You
should of seen how funny it acted.
It turned right around and shot out
lefthanded and hit Martin Lowe li
the year so hard he fell over moanin
He shore was mad. Up he jumped
and run at me with his flstes doubled
up like. Then he stuck his face in
mine and hollered at me about bein'
dumb. He was chewing peppermint
gum. I smelt it.
You understand, I wasn't afeard of
him, but I didn't say nothin' on ac
count of maybe havin' to lick him
right in front of all them fellers.
"Y'oung feller," says Mr. Smith, "I
'low as you oughtn't to be tool: away
from your work and studies, so I'm
agoin to put 'Country' Brown in yore
place." But I told him. thass all rite,
I can git away when we have gamej
p'ay so the other feller won't
hafta come out.
Say, kin you tackle?" the Captain
ast me. Huhn. I aim a goin' tlsh-
No, no," he says, "just
run and grab me like I was tryin' to
git away. Tackle me, see?" How
could I tackle that guy when he run
away. But he said as how I was supposed to run after him, but about that
time I came up to whur he was a
standin' and grabbed him round the
ck and throweu him over my shoul-
r on the ground. He shore wa3
mad. Oh, well. They dont' seem to
know who I am anyway.
All right, fellers. Around the field
four times then the shower," says
the, coach. All the fellers tuck out
down the football patch like they was
agoin to a fahr. Of course, I didn't
want to make nobody sore the first
time so I stayed behind a ways,
next time I'm agoin to run off
leave that bunch like water often a
Gosh! Havin' to take a bath on
Tuesday. Can you beat that? Oh,
welt, I mought as well git usen to it.
May have to take three a week this
away. "What's the matter, boy?
How often do you bathe, anyway ?"
John Driscoll ast me. "Well, I appeared like I was usen to hathin' so
I ups and says, "Well, I always take
at least three. Some times foah,"
and thowed my chlst out kinda. He
snickered, but I'm on to him. He
can't fool me. He don't know who I
"Slim," asks Miss Thomason
"Whur about was you all at last
Wednesday?" Doggone. How did she
know me and Orpha cut class
bet that low down, tater eyed, melon
rlned, bull yearlin' of a Roy went and
told her. Jest wait till I git that
young shoat out in the dark sommers.
"Say, Slim, how about writin' some
of yore memwires?" says Mr. Birney
to me tother day. I ain't much of a
poet, but I mout try. Y'ou shou'd
oughta see her eyes. "Eyes of brown,
hair of ebon hue, lips of a cupid's
bow and hands of a lovely rosey hue."
Boy I how's that? But, you should
see her. Just like this (on one side
and just like this) on tother. She
shore is th ecats, I ain't kiddin you.
I ain't much of a poet so don't like
writin' memwires. Ill git Geo. Lan-
now to written them fer me.
Oh, he says as how is name air
Jag. Lanaux. Looks as If the likes
o' him would git a real name. Like
(Continued from Page 1)
Wayne Phelps, Jack Thurman and
Howard Graham looked.
■Sweethearts on Parade — Maurine
Edminister and Terry Russ dancing
by. Blonde "Boots" Horn reluctantly breaking with H. C. Nagle. Someone would lag In just then (?).
And Irene Cafcalas getting the
grand rush—as usual. Wasn't her red
taffeta gown a dream?
"Dancer of all dancers"—that's Willie "Dim" Dixon. Lucky girl, Alice
Petite Mildred Learned, coyly vamping everyone's fellow. Big things
come in small packages. Even the
tiny ones are great competition
Oh, we can't forget the Collegians.
The music was great.
We are trying to find out the name
a Dallas visitor who completely
enamored Harry Faerstein, also of
Dallas. She is visiting someone in
What's the idea of the "Big Parade"
in the middle of the floor? Oh, just
boys lined up to tag Adele.
Someone almost made a "Smash-
g" entry to the ballroom at River
Oaks. The culprit haa not yet been apprehended who failed gain entrance
dance, but succeeded in breaking a window at the River Oaks Country Club.
Ikky" Tracy "dot a durl." We saw
her, 'n her name 'ith Alyth Thpilman.
Hello, Oliver! From the smile of
contentment on your face we judge
you succeeded in getung her phone
Feme Sweeney and her attractive
sister. Family competition. Speaking of family competition, we wonder
where Celia's kid sister was. She has
been much in evidence at other Junior
Question Number Five:—Who was
the couple that went riding during the
long intermission, and failed to return
till the dance was almost over? (And
not with her date, either).
Question Number Six.—Who was
the girl who made a hurried trip home
to change dresses after ripping the
back of her dance frock? And how
Why, Miss Mackuy, you do look
lovely. Quite the only person I know
who can look as well in sport togs as
in formal attire.
Donald Lang and a group playing
poker. No money Involved, just a
Fred Mills, turn around so we can
see how you look in a Tux. Rather
swanky. And who was the precious
There's Coach Smith—and every
girl's eyes glued on him. Have you
a crush, too?
Her last name is Bowen, and she
dances beautifully. White taffeta was
certainly becoming to this graceful
Gobs of boys in the stag line, their
eyes following the dancers. Probably
looking for that certain someone.
Howard Branch looking very trim,
You can't Kidd me—you've eyes for
Ruth only. I don't glame you.
Pearl Friedman, very charming
orchid of just the right color.
"Home, Sweet Home" and the danct
was over. Gee, but didn't you have
ABOUT THE STUDENTS
* * * *
Ex-Ricers seem to be very promlhent
this year at Junior College. Wonder
why ? Perhaps It got too crowded
at Rice .for them. Well, anyhow,
there is a certain Ex-Ricer that seemi
to prefer "a" brunette, or rather did
prefer her until the competition from
Lonnie Lyons got too hot.
Everyone has been wondering why
a certain tall brunette by the initials
of K. K. holds her nose so high la
Hope it can be remedied. It
would be terrible to have to hold it
that high all the time not only at the
August Krell certainly seems to
have it, bad with Frances Eva Smith.
As for It being mutual, you'll have
to ask her. We have noticed a young
man of Rice by the initials of G. D.
over here quite often.
Speaking of "lines," gtrli, beware
of Wayne Phelps. His lino is substantial enough to hang ruga on. If
that is what it takes to get over, he
should In a big way.
We wonder if those two couples in
a certain car parked near thy San
Jacinto street entrance ever went to
get their "coke" Vierore their 8:30
p. m. class? They said this certain
place was on Austin street.
Gee, s'tco bad Alyce Spilman had to
quit school—and we're all wondering
why. Anything in the way of young
men? Especially the one by the initials of J. D. B.?
"Wonder if Bill will be out here
tonight," seems to be Inquired of
Maurine Edminster pretty often these
days. Oh, yes, it's Bill Brodie the St.
Edwards football man.
We've noticed that H. C. Nagel, a
Rice soph, only comes after Boots
Horn two or three times a week. You
all know they're supposed to be going steady, but people, you can't fool
us, H. C. is having dates those other
nites, huh ? We know 'cause we're
Looks like O. McCall is giving Jane
Witherspoon the rush. Is it anything
, or is it just brotherly and
sisterly love? Two blondes, too.
Get Roy Hofheinz to tell you about
the time he took a certain blonde to
Le Blanc's and after having ordered
he discovered he had left his dollar
too bad Fred Weigman is leaving school. Wonder who Mamie
Claire Brown will rush now?
Sure is funny how these boys who
pretend they're in love will take other
girls home, and sit in front of their
homes until all hours of the night,
especially Alice McCullough and Robert McKinney.
Two blacky negroes, there were once.
One was Ambrose and the other
And now this tale I will relate,
Of these, same two who had a fuss.
Now Ambrose was a-layin' bricks,
And drinkin' bootleg beer,
And Gus he just was walkin' by
And ambled to him near.
"Now look-a-here, you Ambrose,
You quit hangin' round my gal,
This ain't no kind of treatment
To be givin' to your pal."
But Ambrose he was mighty quick,
And up iie spake and said:
"They ain't no use of arguin'
Or they'll be one more nigger dairl."
And out he yanked a shiny blade
And stabbed Gus through the client;
Then off he ran a-ye!lin' loud:
"Now which one of us is best."
And this is how the tale doth end
Of Ambrose and of Gus.
I ask each one and all of you,
How could It end but thus?
Slim or Puffy, or somethin' dignified, eryone."
Bobby McC. (in restaurant)
you serve fish in here?"
Waiter: "Certainly, we cater to ev- time, in thy flight—make it
C. R. YEAGER'S LAMENT
'Twas the night before pay day, and
all through my jeans,I hunted In vain
for the price of some beans. Not a
I quarter was stirring, not even a jit;
Do | the kale was off duty, milled edges
had quit. Forward, turn forward, O
just for tonight.