Hello everybody, here's your new
Walter Chinwell: I see Wilma
(gorgeous) Lindsey has a new coiffeur, and it's even more alluring—
my personal nomination for H. J. C.'s
best boaster in Pat (Tootpick) Foley
(ever hear him brag about Ann?)
. . . Who is that certain boy friend
that waits for Betty Starley every
night ? None other than Jerome
"Slim" Ross (Rice student) ... if
any boy desires his heart broken,
just let him look up Katherine Berry
. . . Jen E. Wait giggles more than
any girl I know . . . Jessie Darling
(Junior College darling) seems to
be that a way about Nell Wade (and
she's mighty little and cute) . . .
Wonder what charm it is that Andrew Shebay has over the girls? Is
it his sex appeal?" . . . Charles
(Smile) Miller raves about a certain
person named Roberta Starks.
Ever see him waiting for her in
front of Miss Thomason's room ? . . .
This issue by Minnie's request is
dedicated to her. She had her name
jerked from some gossip that was
in this column
Wonder where her friend Libbie
was? . . . Don't you just love Paul
Nordling's salutation—a wink of
his eye . . . Mr. Birney runs Walter
Chinwell a close race when it comes
to knowing secrets. Don't let him
know you have any . . . Bill Henderson's face reminds me of a schoolgirls' complexion (that is, when just
shaven) . . . Israel (tto smart)
Rabinowitz has his quiet moments
... I wonder if Totsie (sweet tooth)
Stettner knows how exceedingly fortunate he is — The reason Helen
Friedman . . . Saw J. J. Ross at
school unshaven and sleepy on the
evening of March 6th. (reasons, JJ?-
??)... I wonder if Saul Cobb
wouldn't mind coming down to earth
(a certain young girl would like to
meet him . . . Will any one tell me
who Dot'Golden's real heart's desire
is? . . . Kitty (popular) Hurlock has
been going out pretty steady. Too
bad fellows ... A pretty newcomer
is Peggy Fisher. Already she
is forgetting Rice Institute and is
"conquesting" H. J. C. lads.—Well
folks, I have to be going!
BY EVELYN COFFEY
Are We Sparing the Rod
What is wrong with the older
generation?" The younger generation believes this is a legitimate and
timely question. The status between
parent and child is undergoing a
change, and the children are awakening to the realization that the change
is not for the best. Carpet-baggers,
working in the ranks of the parents,
are spreading malicious doctrines of
a hypocritical and unjust emancipation, and the older generation is foolishly warming to their dogma.
The following cases have been
brought to the attention of the writer of this column, and show in frightful reality just how far the self-
styled "emancipation" movement of
the parents has been allowed to go:
"I have always been kind to my
parents," says Jimmie Brinkley, "and
have raised them under the Monte-
sorri system, starting them out with
sets of varied sized blocks to be fitted into corresponding holder, and
gradually working up to the proper
splitting of kindling wood. I was
entertaining a few friends yesterday
at my home when Father entered
the room without permission and, to
my great mortification, crudely suggested that I dismiss my friends.
"My friends were as greatly concerned as myself over this outburst,
and hurried home to look after their
own parents. Am I at fault, some-
PAGE WATSON! THERE'S SOMETHING
MYSTERIOUS AFOOT—OR MAYBE
IT IS JUST LEAVES RUSTLING
One evening about two months
ago, I was rummaging thru the effects of my paternal ancestor, the
late Herr Brush. Suddenly, I came
across a most interesting scroll literally submerged in hyrogliphics. I
immediately recognized it as one of
the many ancient and original manuscripts that my ancestor made a
habit of collecting. Sensing a momentous literary discovery and everlasting fame for myself, I immediately set about translating the
hyrogliphics into Greek and then into English. After about six weeks
of working thirty-six hours a day, I
knew that success had come to me
at last. The scroll was the outline and part of the score of the
famous opera "Gesundheit Charley"
by that dean of all German composers, Epsen Saultz. A condensed
Scene: A local speakeasy
Opening Chorus: "Cuh-ray-ztee
Solo: "Here it is Monday and I
still got a dollar"
Oscar Hemmingway; the hero
Solo: "I'm your for tonight"
Iva Payne; the heroine.
Ditto: "I'm getting sentimental
Same: "Puh-leez Mr. Hemmingway"
Duet: "Let's go on a party"
Mr. Hemmingway and Miss
Chorus: "She Didn't say yes; she
didn't say No"
Curtain; End Act One
Orchestra: "At Dawning"
Duet: "Pink Elephants"
Hemmingway and Payi
Solo: "Look What You've Done to
"It was wonderful while
Pat Foley and Harold Renfro in a
Pat: "So you wire flowers."
Pat: "Well wire me to New York
I'm a pansy."
Operator turning to Harold: "And
,: "Oh, I'm just a black-eyed
11 Jenkins wearing the tight
pants she was telling about. (Basketball pants of course).
Evelyn Bashera light and willing.
We think that chewing gum is a
vulgar habit. The following people
chew gum. Dorothy Golden, Frances
Jordan, Frances Nesmith, Helen
Wood, Jessie Darling, Mary Cohen,
id Oh! The whole darned school.
Kitty Hurlock just swishes along.
Mr. Miller," says Mildred Learned,
"frightens me to death." I'll bet he
sticks his thumb in his ears and wiggles his fingers.
When will the faculty volley ball
team play the girls volley ball team ?
Warren L.: "May I kiss you?"
Marian R.: "Have you ever been
'. L.: "No."
. R.: "Go ahead then, I don't like
people who kiss and then tell."
Helen Gould is a pretty swell girl.
She can ride, play tennis, skate, and
swim just like a man, but I'll bet
she can't scratch matches where my
Have you seen the four people
who call themselves the racketeers?
They are "Shorty" Sparks, "Kid"
Jordan, Lucy, and Lucy.
Overheard at the zoo.
Charlie Shearn. "Good Heavens,
something's wrong with me.
"Shorty" Wilke," Sick?"
C. S. "Nay, Just the fact that that
elephant over there isn't pink.
Mack Douglas, "How did th
Eagle become the national emblem ?
J. C. Allwright: "He isn't national
yet. He was only elected to congress
a few weeks ago.
(The following letters were found
accidently, but if you don't believe
i, send us a ?5.00 bill and we
will give proof.)
As long as I have to pay for that
slice of newsprint you call a paper,
why don't you put something in it
worth reading. It wouldn't be so terrible if you would leave out everything but the business manager's
. ■■-, ,-.,■ ..■
how? Have I spared the rod and
spoiled the parent?"
"Father is upset," Eugene Harris
says, "so I stay away from home as
much as possible, only sleeping and
taking my meals there. Father
knows that I never rise before noon
and in the past has been considerate
enough to make as little noise as
possible while I was sleeping, but
yesterday he woke me at ten o'clock
to read me a letter that came in the
morning mail. My day was ruined.
"If this keeps up much longer, I
think I'll send him down the river."
The experience reported by Paul
Nordling is an especially alarming I
We are sorry that we cannot sat-
sfy everyone, but as this is an institution of higher learning, we must
appeal to the cultured, refined, and
ambitious students. There is no
room in our columns for the vulgar
nonsense and low wit which would
appeal to the very few. So we will
continue to print only the highest
quality of literature as usual.
Second National Bank
We are uniting in a body to ask
your assistance helping us to get our
frozen assets in your good bank,
totaling $13.76. We are now eating
only one meal a day twice a week,
and part of this we feed to the wolf
at our door to keep him from starv-
Houston School Board:
We are counting very much on
you this summer, and will certainly
feel slighted if you do not issue
orders to keep all the boilers running full blast with the windows
closed.. All this winter these said
boilers have had cobwebs on them,
and there are more drafts than dizzy ideas in the school. Yours for
more heat in the summer, and none,
as usual, in the winter.
The student Body,
with ears frozen.
IF YOU HAVE HEARD
BY MILTON GREGORY
rest unanswered! Youth is an awakening to its responsibilities toward
the older generation,
Screwiest Gags '0 the Month
Garnett Pickett has heard it said
that often a girl has to choose
tween a four-cylinder shiek in a
six teen-cylinder car and sixteen-
cylinder shiek in a four cylinder car.
When the telephone company shuts
off your phone because of an un-
BUGS BLACK BLOOD cannot be
aid twice quickly. Try it.
Mt. Everest is not the highest mountain in the world. Mt. Chimborazo,
in Ecuador is 2*A miles higher.
It is impossible to see the sun,
which is only 92,000,000 miles away
from us. It takes the sun's rays
eight minutes and thirty-eight sec-
ids to reach our planet. In the
meantime the sun has moved, and
is really two of its own diameters
away from the spot on which we
seem to see it.
this 1 Place a jug of water
on the ground in front of a bumble
nest—stir up the bees—and they
will fly into the jug one at a time.
And drown! A guaranteed trick!
Cleopatra, the famous Egyptian
queen of antiquity, noted for her
wisdom and beauty, was a direct descendant of four generations of
of brother and sister marriages. She
en married two of her own broth-
s and aftewards killed them.
Cheese can be sliced thinner with
a dull knife than with a sharp knife.
An Indian fakir of Bengal held
3 hand aloft for 10 years, until
little bird built its nest within
his immobile palm.
The Battle of Waterloo was not
fought at Waterloo at all.
Oranges, Watermelons, and lemons
are not fruit, neither are they vegetables. They are berries!
Can you prove that half of 12
Few drops of black paint will
make a can of white paint whiter.
John Paul Jones, United States
Naval Hero, was not an American
citizen, did not command a fleet of
American ships, and his name was
"I am not here" is a sentence entirely correct. Yet—it can never
Leuben, famous German lunatic,
bet that he could turn up a pack of
cards in a certain order. He turned
the cards 10 hours a day for 20
years, exactly 4,246,023 times be-
As thunder crashes, Anacute
Payne, the girl's father enters
Solo: "Good-bye forever"
Exit Hemmingway (fast)
Solo: "You Better Run, You Rascal You"
Solo: "And So I Married the Girl"
(collection of fruit and vegetables.)
p,S.—I just looked at the other
side of the scroll and discovered it
to be a roll of 1887 wall paper. The
hyrogliphics were fly-specks I guess.
paid bill, concedes Henriette Daigle,
there's no use talking.
"I came home at three o'clock one
morning recently," he says, "after
spending «n exceedingly pleasant ,tem8 of „„„ or LMg In(ere9t
evening with my companions. Refreshments had been served and I Practically, the whole of H. J. C.'s
was still feeling fine when I crossed ma]e population is competing for
the family threshold. My parents Daisy *** and Mae Gahlke's smiles,
were sittng up waiting for me, and Marion Adams, an honorary mem-
accused me in no uncertain terms of ber of the Pi Betas, has recently
being "lit" Can you tie that? And, been elected president of the Delta
besides, they had nothing to base Pbi Epsilon fraternity at the Uni-
their acusations on except that I varsity of Texas,
had knocked over the bureau during (Local boy makes good)
my progress into the house. For the benefit of Pat Foley who
"Is this the answer, the climax to Iikes to 8ee his name in Print—Pat
the years I have devoted to the Foley- Pat Fol«y> pa* Foiey. Pa
bringing-up of my parents? This FoIey-
happpened only today. What new Romantic Echoes
sorrow and degradation will they Harold Renfro's new love is Sissy
bring down upon me tomerrow? I O'Neale. Reporting his many ro-
shudder and wait!" mances is a task.
But these questions will not long' Despite the amorous glances and
sugary words of Nell Wade an Jesse
Darling, I think it's madness..
Com Weaver again has the inside
trick in Mildred Learned's affections, with George Hedrick running
a close second.
Rumors persist, as this is written,
that Fulto Renfro is that-a-way
about Frances Nesmith.
This Catherine Berry—Pat Foley
romance, which is one of those on-
again-off-again things, is on again
Chic—Ruth El rod
Mr. V. T. is in the kitchen washing up the jugs.
Mr. J. is in the cellar bottling up
Mr. W. is in the parlor putting oa
Mr. B. is on the porch watching;
for the cops.