COUGAR PUCK PUSHERS
! / AM A FUGITIVE
BY C. W. SKIPPER
The World's Best Known Fugitiv
Left to right: Ed Cadena, right wing; Harry Gray, spare defense; Eddie Chernosky, right wing,
manager; Starks Green, goalie (kneeling); Charles Miller, spare defense; Billy Fitzgerald, left wing,
captain; Harry Flavin, center.
Not in picture: Mayo Albert, right defense; Tom Crawford, left wing; Jesse Darling, left defense;
Jack Potter, coach.
—Courtesy Houston Post
Warren Lemmon: "Would yoi
marry a dumb, half-baked, goofy fel
low for the sake of his money?"
Marian Robinson: "Oh, Warren, this
is so sudden!"
Two is company, and three another
story for a confession magazine.
Sign on Melcher's Ford: This
stops for Blondes — slows down for
Brunettes, and BACKS UP for Red
Dear Editor: You know all and see
all, do you think King Solomon in all
his glory really found happiness?
He should have. He had a thousand
chances to our one.
Mae Gohlke: "Did that bank failure
James Talk: "Sure did; I completely lost my balance."
Stillman Taylor: "I'll never gamble
Laurence Bettencourt: "Oh, yes you
Stillman Taylor: "What will you bet
Florence Kendrick: "Your husband
has a new suit."
Mrs. Fred Page: "No, he hasn't.-'
F. K.: "Well, something's different."
Mrs. F. P.: "Maybe it's my new
Joyce Gillett: "Unless you pay up
soon," wrote the black-mailer, "the
gang is going to kidnap your wife."
Bill Stiles: "I haven't any money,"
came the reply, "but I am interested
in your proposition."
Grand Eunuch: "Did you hear about
the accident the Sultan had this morning?"
Royal Executioner: "No. What happened?"
Grand Eunuch: "He fell over 35
Royal Executioner: "Gosh! He musta
got out on the wrong side of the bed."
Some gulls were following a ferry
An Irishman said: "Nice flock of
A tourist insisted: "Those are gulls."
"Well," said the Irishman, "gulls or
boys, they're a fine flock of pigeons.
To End The Depression: Put all the
women in the world on one island,
and all the men on another inland,
miles apart; then, in no time at all,
everybody will be busy building boats.
A chorus girl was engaged to marry.
Pretty sudden," isn't it?" asked the
"It was in a way," agreed the girl.
"I only met him a short while ago,
and at first I wasn't sure of my feelings. But the moment I saw his car,
I knew I loved him."
Is losing sleep,
Running around to dances.
Let her alone,
And she'll come home,
A victim of circumstances.
He says that he can
Stand her turned-up nose—
But what gets him
Is her turn-down NO'S!
Harry Flavin: "Oh! boy, hot news,
L, P. Marshall: "Yeah? A man
bite a dog?"
H. F.: "Nope—a bull threw a congressman!"
Mr. Harris: "Now, which one of you
carj tell me what Marc Anthony said
when he called on Cleopatra in her
Ben Mason: "He said, 'Oh fair Cleo,
I didn't come here tonight to make
The absent-minded professors are
assembling tonight for their big annual forget together meeting.
Elizabeth King: "Daddy, Fred asked
me to marry him last night, but I
told him I couldn't leave mamma."
"Oh, that's all right, honey — take
her with you."
It's easy enough to get a social secretary—the real problem is to get a
Katherine Elliott: "Is Mr. John
Smith staying here?"
Nurse: "Say, this is a hospital, not
Mary B.: "Where did you get those
big sympathetic eyes?"
"Oh," Hamp replies, "They came
with my face."
"So" says Mary Stephenson, "I says
to the economic prof, it's my observation that some with the fewest principals draw the most interest."
Fred: "Let's sit this dance out."
Wilma: "I'm tired; let's dance
She was only a sociologist's daughter but how she knew her juvenile
The absent minded professor jumped out of bed in the middle of the
night, ran to the head of the stairs
"Who's down there in the kitchen?"
"Nobody," said the burglar.
"Well that's funny," said the professor, "I could have sworn that I
heard a noise."
Mr. Miller: "What happened in
Ethel ML: "Luther was born."
"Correct! What happened in 1847?"
E. M.: (After long pause): "Luther
was four years old."
Reo King: The more I read the less
Jill Jenkins: You're well read.
1423 HOLMAN H. 8194
WEEK OF FRIDAY, FEB. 10TH
A Drama of a Wild Woman
Amid Furious Jungle Beasts
WEEK OF FRIDAY, FEB., 17th
JOHN BARRYMORE in
I am a fugitive from a female chin
gang. I have been humilitated. My
face has been scratched and my shins
lacerated. I have been disgraced. I
shall not be taken back alive.
My misfortune began when the boss
gave me a half-day off from the office, In my joy in receiving the holiday, I overlooked the fact that my wife
was entertaining her bridge club that
I walked in the front door beaming.
I was at peace with the world. My
wife ran up, threw her arms around
my neck, gave me a big kiss, then
drew away and said, "Oh, so it's YOU!
What are you doing home this time
of day? You know I'm entertaining
"But, my dear," I replied, "I assure
you that I won't be in the way. I'll
stay in my room and sleep."
"You'll do nothing of the sort! You
can start in by freezing the ice cream,
then you can bring a dozen chairs
from Mrs. Wigglebottom's. After that,
there are groceries to be brought from
the store. You sleep? Ha, ha!"
I first chopped the ice and
half-inch of ice pick through my
thumb. I then overturned the chocolate sauce and dropped and broke two
of my wife's best cups. I ended up
a race for the back door with a coffee
pot thrown by the little woman. The
race was a tie.
The guests began to arrive, so
hunted1 the paper so that I could retire to my room. I found three
women reading the society page.
I sighed, and started to leave the
room, when my wife discovered that
an expected guest had failed to arrive. ,
'Percival dear, you'll be a fourth
bridge, won't you?"
Now, there is nothing I enjoy more
than a game of poker, pinochle, black
jack, or occasionally a good, rousing
game of ping-pong, but bridge! Faugh'
Yet I know a command when I heai
one, so I replied
"Certainly, my dear!"
Nothing important happened until
the second rubber, when an excited
partner removed a divot from my shin
with a French heel. Who could expect
a country that invents heels like thai.
to pay her debts?
A short time later I led with the
deuce of clubs, and my partner led
with a right uppercut.
I was dummy the next hand, and
went to my room for a smoke. I discovered too late that it was being used
i dressing room by some of the
players. That accounts for the scars
on my face.
My wife, afraid that I would break
up the meeting, started serving refreshments. I dropped my ice cream in
the lap of Mrs. Jabber.
Attempting to be nonchalant, I then
burned a hole in the imported linen
tablecloth while trying to light a
I could read in my wife's eyes what
my fate would be after the party, so
the next time I was dummy I coolly
sauntered to the door and made the
ten blocks to the depot in one minute,
just in time to catch the train for New
Jersey. They'll never take me back
I am a fugitive from a chin gang.
THE THRILLER OF THRILLERS
"HARD TO HANDLE"
The model well-BRED college boy
is a HALF-BAKED FLOWER of youth
with lots of CRUST whose studies are *
not WELL-DONE, and who is taking
a four year LOAF on his dad's
He has WAVY hair, seems to live
on a strong LIQUID diet, usually has
WATER on the brain, and his head
SWIMS if he can't SEA someone's
paper on an examination.
He starts in as a GREEN freshman
with a BLACK heart, i-nd although
WHITE, has a very BROWN skin. He
sees RED when he is called YELLOW
because he is BLUE and homesick for
his home in ORANGE, and his girl
People say that he is a WARM-
blooded, COLD-hearted jhiek who
gets HOT when he is called TEM- •
He has usually ONE some kind of
athletic contest, generally the kind f
where the participants shout "FOUR."
but he is good at TENnis TWO. If
he loses it is because of something
he EIGHT. His favorite reoreation is
the game of SEVEN and ELEVEN.
His test papers go for NAUGHT, and
usually come back the same way. He
has a pet dog he always SIX on people.
The average collegian is always trying to DODGE his creditors. He likes *
a girl with AUBURN hair, but he
can't aFORD many dates, and besides
every other night is WILLYS KNIGHT
IF YOU HAVE TRIED THE REST,
NOW TRY THE BEST!
1417 Holman St.
Plate Lunches Steaks
1607 RICHMOND H. 0122
SUPPLIES THE LAUGHS!
Even Congress Is Laughing at
"What! NO BEER?"
6 PRIVATE LESSONS J5
NEW BEGINNERS' CLASSES
Starting Every Monday and
Thursday for Bahies, Children, and Adults in
Singing and Tap Dancing
IMITATED BUT NOT
614'A FANNIN ST. FAX. I