f AGE THREE
Teacher: Answer my question.
Paul Sparks: I shook my head.
Teacher: Well, I can't hear it rattle
Butcher: Your salary will be $5 a
week. Can you dress a chicken?
"Spats" Hamilton: Not on $5 a
Ben Young: Every one of my grades
were made honestly.
John Lamb: By whom?
Bob Stallings: Say, I know a guy
who swallows swords.
Frances Nesmith: That's nothing. I
know a! guy who inhales Camels.
Red Coulson: What would you do
if a man called you a fool?
Ed Smartt: What size man?
Paul Gilliam: Do you still play with
Paul Nordling: No, not any more.
P. Gilliam: Then quit scratching
Le Roy Melcher: "Our history prof
talks to himself. Does yours'
George Stephenson: "Yes, but he
doesn't realize it — he thinks we'
"When is a man drunk?" asks
board of fifteen London physicians.
The question has reminded the director of an anecdote: A jovial, rotund
German was sitting with his son at a
table in a beer garden. "Fadder," said
the latter, "how can von tell ven von
"Veil, mine sohn," replied the father,
"you see dose two men over dere?
Ven dose two men look like four, den
ve are drunk."
"But, fader," said the boy, "dere is
only von man over dere."
Starks Green: What is a pole cat?
Jimmie Oliver: A pole cat is a cat
. that should be killed with a pole, the
longer the pole the better.
Shorty Holt: What does the story of
Jonah and the whale teach?
Harry Gray: You can't keep a good
Al Butler: Did you hear about the
Scotchman who put a dime in the box
for seven cent care fare.
Johnny Nicholson: No.
Al B.: You never will.
Visitor: How do you like school?
Joe Patterson: Closed.
Fred Aebi: What is an example of
one's empty title?
Wilma Lindsay: The head of the
Mr. Dupre: Why don't you tell your
wife who is head of the house?
Mr. Bishkin: She knows.
Minnie Topek; Did you ever see
Elizabeth King: No, I can't bear to
see the little things cry.
Renfro: How can I leave you, dear'
Lou Gaines: Plane, train, taxi or
just walk fast.
Jules Delambre: Two dozen of these
apples are rotten. I'm bringing them
Clerk: Oh, that wasn't necessary.
Your word is as good as the apples.
Warren Lemmon: If I were you, I'd
have more sense.
Marian Robinson: Of course you
Lil Schwartz: Do you believe in
women in public affairs?
Blanche Dekel: If you want them
L. P. Marshall: I'm pulling the rope.
Mrs. Birney: Make a sentence using
Mr. Birney: The miniature asleep
you start snoring.
My very dear Freshmen:
You have entered Houston Junio
College. What for, I do not know
Anyway, let me offer my best wishes
for every success and the suggestion
that you turn over four of five pages
and get on with your reading.
Tho main thing about Jr. Collegt
dear Freshmen, is that you won't find
your new teachers (professors to you)
on your neck. You'll have to get on
your own necks, and for your own
comfort you'd better. Take your
freshmen classes serious, and your
sophomore classes will be just a
breeze. At least they'll be less like
trying to pick up confetti with boxing gloves.
thing more, go out for something—even if you have to forget what
I just said about your freshmen clas-
Go out for the glee club, (wipe
off your chin, Grandpop) or try to
rate the "Boy's Club," or "The
legians," get yourself extra —
ricularly active. Only in that
will will Junior College mean any-!
thing to you, or you anything to it.
Here they come, strike up the band!
. parade of youth, beauty, glamour,
and charm—the Cougarlites of 1933.
Cute, cuddly little Mary Bradley
Exotic, lithe, sophisticated Wilma
Mary Stephenson, best described as
"striking in appearance."
Fairfax Moody, as modern as a Jazz
Symphony, and as dizzy as an egg-
Virginia Cotton, a gay, tireless creature with more vitality than the dynamo in the Gulf building.
Nelda Smith, who knows she's good
and isn't surprised when others learn
Sissy O'Neal, who looks like a
Paris model in the simplest dress.
And the alluring and seductive John
This just goes to show you that you
can get what you want at Junior College (if you don't won't too much).
We're having better assemblies of
late, and better order.
Is that a football team over there?
It does seem such a muddle.
Oh, pardon me, I'm wrong again,
It's just a frat huddle.
If Junior College had a perfect male
he would be good-looking like Hamp
Robinson, have personality like Red
Coulson, cars like Chili Spent
dance like Fulton Renfro; be sweet
Uke Fred Aebi; versatile like Vernon
Scott; have a physique like Richard
Long; be accommodating like Le Roy
Melcher; athletic like George Hedrick;
dress like Harold Renfro; a home on
the bay like Joe Patterson's; play
tennis like Bud Steeger; a friendly like Jimmie Brinkley; collegiate
like Rip Harrison; and intelligent like
Those persons wishing ot take lessons on "How to be Glamorous" apply td Virginia Cotton.
Quote, it's all in the secret of the
eyebrow, unquote, says Miss Cotton.
She was very plump and bulgy
all the wrong places, when Mildred
Learned saw her coming.
"0—oh," she cried, "a balloon smuggler-"
My personal vote for the cutest
MANY NEW STUDENTS
FIND WELCOME AT H.J.C.
Oh, I'll be well, well, well, here is
a new term again at dear ole J- C,
and do we have new students from
here and there. We have a young
married couple and they are taking
the same courses, they are Mr. and
Mrs. Copeland. Mrs. Copeland has an
airplane license and is the youngest
woman to have done a solo flight.
Here comes the students from San
Jacinto first, that tall dissapointed
blonde Libbye Lewis studying to get
all the education she can get—oh what
a woman. Burt Johnson studying to
become a petroleum engineer. Jen E,
Waite, studying to become a Physical
Education instruction. Have you met
that nice, looking boy, Buddy Norton.
Katherine Munger, graduate of 1932
going to college to get an education
She's a pretty blond, boys. We also
have two sisters, Charlsie and Roberta
Oh this could go on, and i
on, writing about new students. Other
new students going here are Joe Perkins Yates, studying to become ai
engineer. Virginia Laxarus of Har
landale. Marvin Davis, graduate o
1928 studying art, Ava Dee Jackson,
pretty girl, from Abilene, Texas. William McCarthy graduate of San Jacinto, tall, blue eyes, blonde, and nice
looking (I'd like to meet him.)
New students, do not feel slighted if
I have not mentioned your name. It
will take some time to get acquainted
and these are the only students I know
of, and have become acquainted with
Well, I hope I haven't gored you
with this column, and if it doesn't sujt
you, just forget it.
(Continued from Page 1)
fell out of the seat twice. Mary told
mo not to laff so loud that I would em-
barriss her so I started biting my lij
to keep from 'em—from doing that to
her. But the funnyer t got the harder
I bit until my mouth was bleeding. I
took Mary home and then went back
to see Roscoe Ants agin. I staid and
saw it two times thru.
Well this brings the old diry rt.
down to date. I went to see Mary
last night and we talked and talked.
1 sure was sleepy and had a hard time
keeping awake. That's the trouble
with me. Every time I go to see a girl
I almost go to sleep. And Im afraid
if I go to sleep that they will get mad. \ week.
Last week when I had a boil on
my neck I went to "Dr .Cox, Skin
Specialist," and today when I got the
bill I knew he sure was.
Editor's Note: More tripe like thi;
will be run in the Cougar when w<
have sothing else to fill space.
The Red-Eye Detective agency continues its report of investigations
among the H. J. C. faculty.
Last week we interviewed 4 instructors, with the following results:
Mr. Miller, when asked how many
men were killed in the Civil war
said 1,127,103, and subsequent investigation proved him to be correct. He
was also asked what day of the week
it was — he said Friday, but it was
really Tuesday. We don't understand
what is the matter with him. Did you
know he swings his grading pencil
from the south side? Incidentally,
there have been only 5 southpaw history teachers in the United States
since 1776. Something should be done
about this, as most of his students are
getting banjo-eyed from watching him
talk with his hands.
Mister French, Esq., is the government coach and basketball instructor
at this notorious college. He can do
the hundred yard dash in nine seconds flat—according to the school
stop-watch. He is also an expert with
gun. He told us, but didn't offer
proof, of how he once shct a humming
gird through the eye, at 900 yards,
with a Benjamin air rifle. He took
the skin of this bird, dyed it gray, and
started wearing it to keep his ankles
warm. If anyone sees him wearing
something around the tops of
shoes, they will know he told the
Mr. Rees is the instructor of mathematics—or something. His ability
fathom the intricacies of calculus
almost uncanny. He can give you the
fourth root of any number in a flash,
and can prove that a circle is triangular if given enough time. In only
one respect did he fail to answer the
questions we asked him. "Mr. Rees",
we said, "how much is 4 and 3", and
his answer was "9". Maybi
Mi. Bishkin, chemistry instructor,
didn't have much to say. He did tell
us that he had learned his lesson,
though. In one college where he was
drawing his pay, he started teaching
the students something useful — the
president found out about it, and fired
him. Now, as we stated above, he
This concludes our report for this
TO THE SCIENTIFIC TRIPLETS
Hooker, Bishkin, Schumann—Oh!
What a lot we learn from them?
Hooker gives us heart failure
While teaching us the cure.
Bishkin makes us want to take
The H2S we learn to make.
Schumann talks the "Laws of Motion"
Until we're just a big commotion.
And one and all they preach "Science"
Until we groan in sad defiance.
Tear our hair and break our bones,
Drawl out formulas in dismal tones.
Hooker, Bishkin, Schumann—Oh!
What a lot they learn from us?
Crooked Questions and Cross Answers:
Mr. Bishkin: Is heat always generated when two bodies in motion come
Welton Lee Sahn: No, Sir, I hit a
guy yesterday and he knocked me
Where's the home of
In the stomach, of
Yours very truly,
DICK TRACY, President.
The Wicker sham Committee.
couple in school is Hamp and Woozy.
Alice Claire Luckel is making a big,
gorgeous noise with the college Ro-
Fred Aebi phoned today from Goose
Creek—didn't have much to say, but
it seems that his company allots him
50 long distance calls a month, and
being that the month is well on its
way and he hadn't taken advantage
of the situation, Fred motored to
Goose Creek to call up a few of his
Fred has a swell voice—wish Mr.
Birney would do something about his.
Kitty is now free-lancing.
Her free-lancing activities have already caused some poor fool to ram
his fist thru a perfectly good Ford
window the other night just to be
Noticed that John Hill and Nell
Wade were having quite an interesting rondezuous in a certain green La
Salle last week.
"There wasn't a thing wrong," Nell
said sadly, when interviewed today.
We are sorry to hear that so many
of our students have left us, but
whatever they are doing we wish them
all the luck in the world.
Virginia Wiseman, after a slight ill
ness has not returned to school, or i:
it because she has broken up with Van
Viebig, athlete at Texas University.
Reagan's most beautiful girl in 1932,
Francine Ferguson has left us, too.
Francine says she's going down town
every day and have lots of fun. Marshall Shively has gotten a position
with the State Life Insurance Company. Ruth Depperman is staying
home and working jig saw puzzles
Louis Stewart is now attending Texas
University. He has with him a 1933
Chevrolet, we hope that will not keep
him from his studies. Draughi
Business School has gained one of our
students—Ellen Stewart. How do you
like it Ellen?
Emily Castle is now attending
Southwestern where she is studying
to become a nurse. Good luck.
Harry Flavin and Katherine Brown
have left us, we wonder why? We
J. Bandera: Have you ever taken
Blanche Deklc: No, who teaches it?
Mr. Schumann: What holds the moon
Richard Macfee: I guess it's the
Mi-. Hooker: What did you find out
about the salivary glands?
Bernice Blackshear: I couldn't find
out a thing, Prof., they're too darn
Into the Bright Lights:
First mosquito: Why are you making
such a fuss?
Second mosquito: Whoopee! I passed
the screen test!
Mr. Bishkin: Which is the mx
fective—ammonia or peroxide?
Totsie "Butterfly" Stettner:
depends on the blonde!
Mr. Schumann: What is energy?
William Flanagan: I think I've forgotten.
Mr. Schumann: You don't have to
II me that.
Mr. Rees isn't sure whether math is
science or not . . .
We admit "Science" is a weak, weak
name for Calculas!
Here's a sad farewell to Flanagan,
Guardian angel of the Chem. store-
He always helped us when all else
Brightened our hopes, and lessened
Why does Mr. Bishkin
rhis experiment is not
Helen Tomlin: That's simple. So we
can't get our money back.
Dorothy Golden: I hear that Mr.
Swain is about to be married!
Al Gardner (looking sadly at his
Chem. grade); So that's the reason re
didn't have a heart!
can't keep track of their love affair
now- Ray Woods and Vernon have
gone back to the country. How is
everything there Vernon. Ovide Boulet has left us—we wonder why?
There are many other students that
have left us, and this is merely a way
of wishing them all success in whatever they have gone into.