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The Cougar, Vol. 6, No. 7, February 15, 1933
File 003
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The Cougar, Vol. 6, No. 7, February 15, 1933 - File 003. February 15, 1933. University of Houston Libraries. University of Houston Digital Library. Web. June 5, 2020. https://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/10270243/item/19/show/17.

Disclaimer: This is a general citation for reference purposes. Please consult the most recent edition of your style manual for the proper formatting of the type of source you are citing. If the date given in the citation does not match the date on the digital item, use the more accurate date below the digital item.

(February 15, 1933). The Cougar, Vol. 6, No. 7, February 15, 1933 - File 003. Daily Cougar. University of Houston Libraries. Retrieved from https://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/10270243/item/19/show/17

Disclaimer: This is a general citation for reference purposes. Please consult the most recent edition of your style manual for the proper formatting of the type of source you are citing. If the date given in the citation does not match the date on the digital item, use the more accurate date below the digital item.

The Cougar, Vol. 6, No. 7, February 15, 1933 - File 003, February 15, 1933, Daily Cougar, University of Houston Libraries, accessed June 5, 2020, https://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/10270243/item/19/show/17.

Disclaimer: This is a general citation for reference purposes. Please consult the most recent edition of your style manual for the proper formatting of the type of source you are citing. If the date given in the citation does not match the date on the digital item, use the more accurate date below the digital item.

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Title The Cougar, Vol. 6, No. 7, February 15, 1933
Alternative Title The Cougar, Vol. VI, No. 7, February 15, 1933
Contributor
  • Julian, James L.
Date February 15, 1933
Language English
Description From title page: "Published by the journalism students of the Houston Junior College."
Subject
  • College student newspapers and periodicals
  • University of Houston
Place
  • Houston, Texas
Genre
  • newspapers
Type
  • Text
Identifier LH1.H6 C6; OCLC: 10270243
Collection
  • University of Houston Libraries Special Collections
  • University of Houston Archives
Rights In Copyright - Copyright Owner Unlocatable or Unidentifiable
Item Description
Title File 003
Transcript THE COUGAR f AGE THREE Scientific Humor Teacher: Answer my question. Paul Sparks: I shook my head. Teacher: Well, I can't hear it rattle from here. Butcher: Your salary will be $5 a week. Can you dress a chicken? "Spats" Hamilton: Not on $5 a week. Ben Young: Every one of my grades were made honestly. John Lamb: By whom? Bob Stallings: Say, I know a guy who swallows swords. Frances Nesmith: That's nothing. I know a! guy who inhales Camels. Red Coulson: What would you do if a man called you a fool? Ed Smartt: What size man? Paul Gilliam: Do you still play with blocks? Paul Nordling: No, not any more. P. Gilliam: Then quit scratching your head. Le Roy Melcher: "Our history prof talks to himself. Does yours' George Stephenson: "Yes, but he doesn't realize it — he thinks we' listening." "When is a man drunk?" asks board of fifteen London physicians. The question has reminded the director of an anecdote: A jovial, rotund German was sitting with his son at a table in a beer garden. "Fadder," said the latter, "how can von tell ven von is drunk?" "Veil, mine sohn," replied the father, "you see dose two men over dere? Ven dose two men look like four, den ve are drunk." "But, fader," said the boy, "dere is only von man over dere." Starks Green: What is a pole cat? Jimmie Oliver: A pole cat is a cat . that should be killed with a pole, the longer the pole the better. Shorty Holt: What does the story of Jonah and the whale teach? Harry Gray: You can't keep a good man down. Al Butler: Did you hear about the Scotchman who put a dime in the box for seven cent care fare. Johnny Nicholson: No. Al B.: You never will. Visitor: How do you like school? Joe Patterson: Closed. Fred Aebi: What is an example of one's empty title? Wilma Lindsay: The head of the house. Mr. Dupre: Why don't you tell your wife who is head of the house? Mr. Bishkin: She knows. Minnie Topek; Did you ever see moth ball? Elizabeth King: No, I can't bear to see the little things cry. Renfro: How can I leave you, dear' Lou Gaines: Plane, train, taxi or just walk fast. Jules Delambre: Two dozen of these apples are rotten. I'm bringing them back. Clerk: Oh, that wasn't necessary. Your word is as good as the apples. Warren Lemmon: If I were you, I'd have more sense. Marian Robinson: Of course you would. Lil Schwartz: Do you believe in women in public affairs? Blanche Dekel: If you want them public. Why the bell Milton Gregory: ringing? L. P. Marshall: I'm pulling the rope. Mrs. Birney: Make a sentence using miniature. Mr. Birney: The miniature asleep you start snoring. Qjr CollegeCuheoaijs My very dear Freshmen: You have entered Houston Junio College. What for, I do not know Anyway, let me offer my best wishes for every success and the suggestion that you turn over four of five pages and get on with your reading. Tho main thing about Jr. Collegt dear Freshmen, is that you won't find your new teachers (professors to you) on your neck. You'll have to get on your own necks, and for your own comfort you'd better. Take your freshmen classes serious, and your sophomore classes will be just a breeze. At least they'll be less like trying to pick up confetti with boxing gloves. thing more, go out for something—even if you have to forget what I just said about your freshmen clas- Go out for the glee club, (wipe off your chin, Grandpop) or try to rate the "Boy's Club," or "The legians," get yourself extra — ricularly active. Only in that will will Junior College mean any-! thing to you, or you anything to it. Here they come, strike up the band! . parade of youth, beauty, glamour, and charm—the Cougarlites of 1933. Cute, cuddly little Mary Bradley Anderson. Exotic, lithe, sophisticated Wilma Lindsey. Mary Stephenson, best described as "striking in appearance." Fairfax Moody, as modern as a Jazz Symphony, and as dizzy as an egg- Virginia Cotton, a gay, tireless creature with more vitality than the dynamo in the Gulf building. Nelda Smith, who knows she's good and isn't surprised when others learn Sissy O'Neal, who looks like a Paris model in the simplest dress. And the alluring and seductive John Hill. This just goes to show you that you can get what you want at Junior College (if you don't won't too much). We're having better assemblies of late, and better order. Is that a football team over there? It does seem such a muddle. Oh, pardon me, I'm wrong again, It's just a frat huddle. If Junior College had a perfect male he would be good-looking like Hamp Robinson, have personality like Red Coulson, cars like Chili Spent dance like Fulton Renfro; be sweet Uke Fred Aebi; versatile like Vernon Scott; have a physique like Richard Long; be accommodating like Le Roy Melcher; athletic like George Hedrick; dress like Harold Renfro; a home on the bay like Joe Patterson's; play tennis like Bud Steeger; a friendly like Jimmie Brinkley; collegiate like Rip Harrison; and intelligent like Israel Rabinowitz. Those persons wishing ot take lessons on "How to be Glamorous" apply td Virginia Cotton. Quote, it's all in the secret of the eyebrow, unquote, says Miss Cotton. She was very plump and bulgy all the wrong places, when Mildred Learned saw her coming. "0—oh," she cried, "a balloon smuggler-" My personal vote for the cutest MANY NEW STUDENTS FIND WELCOME AT H.J.C. Oh, I'll be well, well, well, here is a new term again at dear ole J- C, and do we have new students from here and there. We have a young married couple and they are taking the same courses, they are Mr. and Mrs. Copeland. Mrs. Copeland has an airplane license and is the youngest woman to have done a solo flight. Here comes the students from San Jacinto first, that tall dissapointed blonde Libbye Lewis studying to get all the education she can get—oh what a woman. Burt Johnson studying to become a petroleum engineer. Jen E, Waite, studying to become a Physical Education instruction. Have you met that nice, looking boy, Buddy Norton. Katherine Munger, graduate of 1932 going to college to get an education She's a pretty blond, boys. We also have two sisters, Charlsie and Roberta Starks . Oh this could go on, and i on, writing about new students. Other new students going here are Joe Perkins Yates, studying to become ai engineer. Virginia Laxarus of Har landale. Marvin Davis, graduate o 1928 studying art, Ava Dee Jackson, pretty girl, from Abilene, Texas. William McCarthy graduate of San Jacinto, tall, blue eyes, blonde, and nice looking (I'd like to meet him.) New students, do not feel slighted if I have not mentioned your name. It will take some time to get acquainted and these are the only students I know of, and have become acquainted with them. Well, I hope I haven't gored you with this column, and if it doesn't sujt you, just forget it. MORE DIARY— (Continued from Page 1) fell out of the seat twice. Mary told mo not to laff so loud that I would em- barriss her so I started biting my lij to keep from 'em—from doing that to her. But the funnyer t got the harder I bit until my mouth was bleeding. I took Mary home and then went back to see Roscoe Ants agin. I staid and saw it two times thru. Feb. IS. Well this brings the old diry rt. down to date. I went to see Mary last night and we talked and talked. 1 sure was sleepy and had a hard time keeping awake. That's the trouble with me. Every time I go to see a girl I almost go to sleep. And Im afraid if I go to sleep that they will get mad. \ week. Last week when I had a boil on my neck I went to "Dr .Cox, Skin Specialist," and today when I got the bill I knew he sure was. Editor's Note: More tripe like thi; will be run in the Cougar when w< have sothing else to fill space. The Red-Eye Detective agency continues its report of investigations among the H. J. C. faculty. Dear Chief: Last week we interviewed 4 instructors, with the following results: Mr. Miller, when asked how many men were killed in the Civil war said 1,127,103, and subsequent investigation proved him to be correct. He was also asked what day of the week it was — he said Friday, but it was really Tuesday. We don't understand what is the matter with him. Did you know he swings his grading pencil from the south side? Incidentally, there have been only 5 southpaw history teachers in the United States since 1776. Something should be done about this, as most of his students are getting banjo-eyed from watching him talk with his hands. Mister French, Esq., is the government coach and basketball instructor at this notorious college. He can do the hundred yard dash in nine seconds flat—according to the school stop-watch. He is also an expert with gun. He told us, but didn't offer proof, of how he once shct a humming gird through the eye, at 900 yards, with a Benjamin air rifle. He took the skin of this bird, dyed it gray, and started wearing it to keep his ankles warm. If anyone sees him wearing something around the tops of shoes, they will know he told the truth. Mr. Rees is the instructor of mathematics—or something. His ability fathom the intricacies of calculus almost uncanny. He can give you the fourth root of any number in a flash, and can prove that a circle is triangular if given enough time. In only one respect did he fail to answer the questions we asked him. "Mr. Rees", we said, "how much is 4 and 3", and his answer was "9". Maybi wrong. Mi. Bishkin, chemistry instructor, didn't have much to say. He did tell us that he had learned his lesson, though. In one college where he was drawing his pay, he started teaching the students something useful — the president found out about it, and fired him. Now, as we stated above, he teaches chemistry. This concludes our report for this JOKES TO THE SCIENTIFIC TRIPLETS Hooker, Bishkin, Schumann—Oh! What a lot we learn from them? Hooker gives us heart failure While teaching us the cure. Bishkin makes us want to take The H2S we learn to make. Schumann talks the "Laws of Motion" Until we're just a big commotion. And one and all they preach "Science" Until we groan in sad defiance. Tear our hair and break our bones, Drawl out formulas in dismal tones. Hooker, Bishkin, Schumann—Oh! What a lot they learn from us? Crooked Questions and Cross Answers: Mr. Bishkin: Is heat always generated when two bodies in motion come together? Welton Lee Sahn: No, Sir, I hit a guy yesterday and he knocked me cold. Greta Jackson: the swallow? Jackie Busch: eourse. Where's the home of In the stomach, of Yours very truly, DICK TRACY, President. The Wicker sham Committee. couple in school is Hamp and Woozy. Alice Claire Luckel is making a big, gorgeous noise with the college Ro- Fred Aebi phoned today from Goose Creek—didn't have much to say, but it seems that his company allots him 50 long distance calls a month, and being that the month is well on its way and he hadn't taken advantage of the situation, Fred motored to Goose Creek to call up a few of his Houston friends, Fred has a swell voice—wish Mr. Birney would do something about his. Kitty is now free-lancing. Her free-lancing activities have already caused some poor fool to ram his fist thru a perfectly good Ford window the other night just to be near her. Noticed that John Hill and Nell Wade were having quite an interesting rondezuous in a certain green La Salle last week. "There wasn't a thing wrong," Nell said sadly, when interviewed today. Oh—John!" VALE! EX-COUGARS We are sorry to hear that so many of our students have left us, but whatever they are doing we wish them all the luck in the world. Virginia Wiseman, after a slight ill ness has not returned to school, or i: it because she has broken up with Van Viebig, athlete at Texas University. Reagan's most beautiful girl in 1932, Francine Ferguson has left us, too. Francine says she's going down town every day and have lots of fun. Marshall Shively has gotten a position with the State Life Insurance Company. Ruth Depperman is staying home and working jig saw puzzles Louis Stewart is now attending Texas University. He has with him a 1933 Chevrolet, we hope that will not keep him from his studies. Draughi Business School has gained one of our students—Ellen Stewart. How do you like it Ellen? Emily Castle is now attending Southwestern where she is studying to become a nurse. Good luck. Harry Flavin and Katherine Brown have left us, we wonder why? We J. Bandera: Have you ever taken chloroform? Blanche Deklc: No, who teaches it? Mr. Schumann: What holds the moon in place? Richard Macfee: I guess it's the Mi-. Hooker: What did you find out about the salivary glands? Bernice Blackshear: I couldn't find out a thing, Prof., they're too darn secretive. Into the Bright Lights: First mosquito: Why are you making such a fuss? Second mosquito: Whoopee! I passed the screen test! Mr. Bishkin: Which is the mx fective—ammonia or peroxide? Totsie "Butterfly" Stettner: depends on the blonde! Mr. Schumann: What is energy? William Flanagan: I think I've forgotten. Mr. Schumann: You don't have to II me that. Mr. Rees isn't sure whether math is science or not . . . We admit "Science" is a weak, weak name for Calculas! Here's a sad farewell to Flanagan, Guardian angel of the Chem. store- He always helped us when all else failed, Brightened our hopes, and lessened our doom. Why does Mr. Bishkin rhis experiment is not J. Bandera always say: guaranteed? " Helen Tomlin: That's simple. So we can't get our money back. Dorothy Golden: I hear that Mr. Swain is about to be married! Al Gardner (looking sadly at his Chem. grade); So that's the reason re didn't have a heart! can't keep track of their love affair now- Ray Woods and Vernon have gone back to the country. How is everything there Vernon. Ovide Boulet has left us—we wonder why? There are many other students that have left us, and this is merely a way of wishing them all success in whatever they have gone into.
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