The Cougar Scientist
A psychologist declares that single
men are more truthful than married
ones. But then they are not asked so
many embarrassing questions.
Doctor: "H'm. Severe headache, bilious attacks, pains in the neck—h'm!"
(Continuing to write) 'What is your
Patent (coyly): "Twenty-four, Doctor."
"H'm!" (continuing to write): "Memory affected, too?"—Life.
The scientists who were unable to
account for the dark weather prevailing in Europe seem to overlook the
fact that Mr. Einstein is busy explaining his theory.—Boston Transcript.
The surgeon had just operated on his
barber, removing his appendix.
"And now," said the surgeon, alter
his patient had regained consciousness,
"how about a little liver or thyroid
operation? And your tonsils really do
need trimming terribly."
Fortunately, sustained oratory can't
be prolonged by taking on more gas.—
In spite of all this agitation against
perjury, we notice that a Chicago motorist had the nerve to tell the judge,
when arrested for speeding the other
day, that he was on his way to the
dentist's office.—New York Evening
Time to Calcimine.—A minister, In
addressing his flock, began: As I gaze
about me, I see before me a great many
bright and shining faces. (Just then
87 powder puffs came out.)
A Scotsman rang up a doctor in a
state of great agitation. "Come quick,"
he said, "ma wee bairn has swallowed
a saxpence." "How old is it?" as
the Doctor. "1894."
The fossilized remains of an extinct
ganoid, or armor-plated fish, has been
discovered in Southern Illinois. It
must have lived in the Chicago River.
Small boy: I want some medicine to
Shop assistant: Anti-fat?
Small boy: No, uncle.
THROUGH A CHINESE MATCH
By C. R. Allen
Sung Fat was the proud owner of
the Pekin Match Factory—proud in his
own peculiar way. So it was no difficult task to gain entrance to the factory, for Sung Fat was a friend of ours
— friendship which we had developed
while he was in America.
The general appearance of the factory was one that only a Chinaman
would be proud of, for it was al
lutely "old style," following traditions
that were handed down from years
We first entered a hallway, dirty,
damp, with dust flying everywhere.
From this numerous other hallways,
branched off; leading to a room for
the mixers and dippers, to another
where the dry ingredients for the
match heads were ground, and to
room for filling the boxes.
In every case we found the rooms
lacking cleanliness, ventilation and
light. We were told by Sun Fat that,
at the present time, he was doing a
rushing business and that there were
about 500 people now employed.
We asked him how many men
had. He replied, in a casual way, that
he had about 50 men; 35 of them being used as mixers and dippers. We
later found out that the rest of the
people employed were young r
boys, girls and women.
We asked how much he paid his
help, and we got one of the biggest
surprises of our trip, for, in a most
nonchalant manner, he said the average worker received about $5 per
month, Sundays included. We v
getting thoroughly disgusted with such
an environment and left about noon
Our last impression of this horril
life was a true example of life at that
factory. For sitting at their work
benches, the workers ate their lunches
with hands reeking with phosphorous
—lunches which had stood for hours in
the poisonous phosphorous fumes before being eaten.
War and Chemistry
By Mrs. Annie Roberts Wilcox
The chemistry of war developed
under the stress of the poison gas campaign during the world war. The term
"poison gas" is a misnomer. Most of
the chemicals which appeared on the
battle field as gases were transported
and projected as liquids or even as
As the poison was developed, a large
number of different chemicals became
available by the opposing armies. These
chemicals may be classified as asphyxiating, toxic, lachrymatory, burning,
and sneezing. The first two classes
produced a higher percentage oi
deaths than the other three classes, but
the latter were responsible for more
The asphyxiating gases produced
death by suffocation. The best known
substances of these types were chlorine
and phosgene, both used in the manufacture of dye. Chlorine was first used
by the Germans in 1915 at the battle of
Ypres. It was released from cylinders
and produced a white cloud which
slowly enveloped our wholly unprepared troops. Had the Germans had
the vision and initiative to follow up
this surprise attack of poison chemicals, they might have driven through
to the channel ports and gained an immediate and decisive victory while the
Allies were still struggling with the
problem of respirators and gas helmets,
and the production of means of retalia-
The toxic compounds chiefly affected
the nervous system. It was either kill
or cure, for recovery was rapid from
any concentration not causing death.
Prussic acid is the best example of a
Lachrymators were employed on a
large scale. They produced temporary
blindness by weeping.
Ths introduction of vesicant or blistering compounds was the culmination of the use of chemicals in warfare. Mustard gas was the chief of
these blistering compounds employed.
It produced skin-burning which,
though rarely mortal, put a man out
of action for many months.
The last class produced the familiar
and annoying sneezing effect accompanied by intense pain and irritation of
the nose, throat, and repiratory membranes. These were mostly arsenic
It is a misconception that gas was
only discharged from cylinders in huge
clouds or used as artillery shells. A
number of special weapons adapted for
gas were developed—the Livens projector producing a gas cloud far from
the point of discharge, and the Stokes
used for rapid fire of large numbers of
Poison gas was used not only as an
effective means of producing deaths
and casualties, but it was employed to
neutralize batteries, cross-roads, and
render whole areas uninhabitable. The
ground was often poisoned to a depth
of several feet.
Germany early abandoned cloud _
attacks because large gains of ground
could not be obtained by this me
and because of the enormous me
and muscular effort required in i
paring for a cloud gas attack. The
cylinders had to be in position in s
cial emplacements in the front lines
within certain time limits. Naturally,
all the work occurred in the dark. Picture to yourself the amount of mental
and physical activity necessary to place
2,000 cylinders on a two-mile front,—
the darkness, the possible enemy shell,
the need for haste and care, the interference with the busy night-life of the
trenches, the lead-like weight of the
projectiles, the sudden flaring of shells
making the after darkness more
tense, the organization of thousand
officers and men for this work, the
filtering of these special groups into the
front trenches without attracting the
The English improved both the magnitude and method of cloud-gas attack.
They used it as an efficient means of
The chemical struggle became very
intense in the summer and autumn of
Dear oh dear. I'm so lonesome—
Where's Bobbie McCullough? Never
see him anymore.
Guess Julia Green will miss Fax
Moody. Fax's going to Southwestern.
Lookee! There's Louie Godard. The
tall good-looking brunette. Wish he'd
give me a break. But that's my luck.
Strawberries! Two of 'em. I mean
strawberry blondes. The two most
prominent the school boasts of: Opal
Beane and Hazel Taylor.
Oh, Bobbie, where art thou going?
going? It's Bobbie Branham tagging
some lucky lil' femme.
Palpitating heart be still. Here's my
L. L. L. (long lost love) Cy Shaw.
Hey there, Sonny! You know him.
His real name is Harwood Staniker.
A couple of new comers ambling
around in no particular direction are
C. E. Boykin and Margaret Moss.
There's that cute and attractive
Have you heard? Magda Sohle has
at last turned chorus girl. She always
vowed that she would.
Hi there, Jim. It's James Morris, the
Speaking of blondes! Say, the rest
of us had better hang together. Have
you noticed Marguerite Comhaire?
Plenty of reason!
Did you know thati Harry D. Mathews
plays the fiddle? Not only yes but uh
Cheerio, darling, 'till next time. Must
1917. Propector attacks multiplied, the
use of chemical shells increased on both
sides, gaa discipline tightened up, officers and men acquired a kind of gas
sense—a peculiar alertness toward gas.
At this stage mustard was the chief
chemical used. Fortunately, its most
fatal effects could be prevented by
wearing a respirator. Mustard was the
war gas par excellence for causing casualties.
So much for chemical warfare of the
past. The future is our chief concern.
What would characterize the early
stages of a future war? It would be
distinguished by attempts of the v
ous belligerents to win instant and decisive victory by various types of ;
prises. Chemical surprise will depend
upon peace industry, the organic chemical industry. German chemical industry was the vital factor of this :
method of warfare employed in
World War. The dy industry was i
centrated almost exclusively in
great firms located favorably to the
The only logical conclusion in regard
to the outcomes of future wars, is that
the country which does not possess z
strong dye industry or enormously expensive chemical arsenals, can not hopi
to escape serious military results, possible defeat from enemy chemical surprises. Let us then as patriotic, fore-
sighted citizens, prepare for war
time of peace. Let us not yield again
the dye industry to be monopolized by
From the point of view of atrocity,
gas has a hopeful outlook as compared
with other weapons. Chemicals may be
found which temporarily influence hu
man functions, enabling military objec
tives to be attained with a remarkably
small amount of pain and death.
Whozit: "Do you see the young man
standing over there next to the flivver
with golf pants on?"
Whyzit: "I see the young man
right; but where is the flivver with golf
Reverend and Mrs. J. O. Kidd announce the marriage of their daughter,
Ina Ruth, to William Harvey Scott.
The wedding will take place at the
North Side Methodist church, Sunday
evening, March 22, at six-thirty
o'clock. The service will be read by
Reverend J. O. Kidd, the bride's father.
Ruth Kidd was formerly a student of
the Houston Junior College, where she
was very popular. She held many offices, one of them being president of
the Pep Club. The Pep Club will give
a party in Miss Kidd's honor in the
The annual ball to be given by the
members of the sophomore class of H.
J. C. will be held at the Lamar Hotel
ballroom on April 3. Good music has
been arranged, and many students are
planning to attend.
STUDENT ASSOCIATION DANCE
April 20 is the date that has been
set for the dance to be given by the
H. J. C. Students' Association. This
dance will be held at the "End of Main"
dance hall. This is the third annual
dance of the association.
TO ENTERTAIN GRADS
All graduates of Houston's senior
high schools will be invited to attend
the ball to be given in their honor by
the Houston Junior College on May 8.
This dance will be held at the eoIleg<
gymnasium, and an attractive entertainment for the graduates is being
prepared by the H. J. C. studer.;.;
(Continued from Page 2)
all get the gen'ral drift of the conversation.
When Rockefeller fust joined the
Church, one of the good Deacons re-
nickle. Wal, you all know what he is
today. If I warn't gettin' kinda old
myself, I might figger on becomin' a
rich feller some day. I guess I might as
well not count on that; wouldn't know
what to do with four bits if I had it.
Maybe I would chew it in two, testin'
it to. see if it was all right.
Here's a good one to clip an' stick
in yer coat pocket:
"This is what I'd like to be:
Kind and brave and neighborly,
Big of heart and broad of mind,
Glad with every joy I find,
Friendly as I go my way,
Generous-handed, day by day.
Keeping, though I rise or fall,
The love and good esteem of all."
Whoever wrote that must have been
a fine pusson. It's about time fer me
to close. Hope you're efelin' better by
now. So just keep pluggin' away, and
you're bound to come out right the
top. An' just remember:
"It's mighty hard a stone to roll
Without the help of an earnes.t soul,
But the man who wins
Is the one who begins
Right now to work for his goaL"
That's all for the present. So long!
THE COUGAR'S CAVE
By James Brough
Ye old Cougar is receiving many
friendly visitors. Since the warm
weather has again descended he has
been smelling less fried onions and seeing more pleasant sights. For the moral
uplift of our profs, and students here
is an incinerating truth from the
HERALD, the Arkansas State College newspaper.
"Lives of great men all remind us
We can make our lives sublime
And by asking foolish questions
Take up recitation time."
The HERALD is a spirited sheet and
it puts its news forward in an interesting manner. It has a Believe It or Not
column that makes it a little hard on
some of its students. Here is an extract,
"Rat Schnee missed a free dance last
It seems to the Cougar that our
friend, "Rat" must be getting careless.
The GUSHER at Bender High School,
Humble, Texas, is a fine little High
School paper with excellent humor and
a good general appeal. The Cougar
notices in the GUSHER'S exchange
column that there has been some
trouble with the Jay Dee at Jeff Davis
High. Be careful GUSHER, Roy Need-
ham came from Humble, you know.
A neat newspaper with a focused
makeup is the FORTY NINER from
Yuba County Junior college. Its contents are interesting and almost all-
inclusive. A paragraph quotation will
give an example.
"A man recently sued New York
university, claiming that smoke from
the university chimneys turned his
white poodle dog black in five minutes.
The editor of THE NEW YORKER
went him one better in claiming that
smoke in the same district turned his
cream of wheat to grape nuts in four
The Cougar commented on LONE
STAR LUTHERAN last week. In the
current issue of this paper we find an
excellent "snap exam" suggested. Here
are a few of the questions. Mr. Minor
might try them on some of his brighter
"What kind of wood is used in making mahogony pianos?''
"Why are green blackberries red?"
"What nationality of people belong to
the Hebrew church?"
"When was the war of 1812?"
"Of what is a brick building made?"
O-o-h! Mr. Kerbo, for an exam like
Keats is a poet who wrote on a
Name three tragedies by Shakespeare.
Mcbeth, King Lear, and Twelve
Nights in a Bar Room.
When Adam Bede was an old man
he entered a convent and became the
father of English Literature.
A poetic license is a license you get
from the Post Office to keep poets.
You get one also if you want to keep
a dog. It costs two dollars and you
call it a dog license.
In what order do the Gospels come?
One after the other.
The reporter came idly into the office. "Well," said the editor,
did our eminent statesmen have
"Well, keep it down to a column."
"Didn't I see you eating peas with a
ladle last night?"
"That wasn't no ladle; that was my
HIS BIG MOMENT-
(Continued from Page 2)
that they had not been in front when
the half ended.
In the dressing room the coach
bellered ano" cussed and made nasty
cracks about how the team had played
during the first half. Guggles was
aroused to a high state of enthusiasm
and hoped that the coach would send
him in, but when the game was renewed Guggles was still on the bench.
The game was almost over now and
still he sat on the bench, sad eyed and
his shoulders slumped down. Surely
the coach would send him in, as
Snookums was at last in the lead and
the game was almost sewed up. Finally the coach looked at Guggles and
the boy snapped erect. He motioned
for our hero to come over to his bench.
"Guggles, I want you to go—" he began but he was halted by the light in
the youth's eyes.
"Moonstone, I want you to go out
there and take Jackson's place," said
the coach in a very queer and forced
Guggles ran out on the court and
took Jackson's place, thereby playing
enough in a major game to at last win
his coveted letter. His main ambition
had been fulfilled at last.
The next morning at breakfast Coach
Wilson was talking to his wife about
the game last night. "You know that
I just could not send that boy down to
the dressing room to get my pipe. I
started to, but when I saw that look
in his eyes, I had to send him in the
Wife (to husband in bath tub):
"Henry, don't start on that song. You
know we haven't much soap left"
"How old are you, Mary?"
"A girl of fifteen should tell her
"I know it. But mother is so innocent, really I haven't the heart."