The Cougar Scientist
Physician reports that women are not
• so nervous as they used to be. They
are more unruffled, for one thing.
Send It Some Eye Wash
A naturalist assures us lions are
nearsighted, but we wouldn't go looking for one if we knew it was stone-
The Chicago Undertakers' Association says that a funeral costs less than
* half as much in Chicago as it does
in New York. Mass production certainly cuts down the high cost of dying.—Chicago Tribune.
— Pretty Nurse: Every time I take the
patient's pulse, it gets faster. What
shall I do?
Doctor: Blindfold him.
"Are you a doctor?" she asked the
young man at the-soda fountain.
"No madam," he replied, "I'm a
Two farmers met on the road and
'Sir, I've got a mule with distemper. What'd you give that one of yours
* when he had it?"
A week later they met again.
"Say, sir, I gave my mule turpentine and it killed him."
"Killed mine, too. Giddap."
BOTH WERE LYIN'
Two scientists on being chased by a
ferocious lion were engaged in the
Jo 1 lowing conversation.
First Smithsonian: Without doubt the
width of the Zygomatic Arch makes
him a Felides of Nubian origin.
* Second Smithsonian: Ridiculous! His
name alone signifies a migrated Felis
Leo Gujratensis—not to mention the
extreme claw Retractility!
A doctor declares that kissing shortens life. We presume he means single
Einstein says that only about a dozen
men in the world probably understand his new gravitation theory, but
* we don't know that. A lot of us have
mastered the income tax blank.—
^ "Yes," said the Oculist, "he had a
curious affliction; Everything he looked he saw double."
"Poor fellow. I suppose he found it
hard to get a job?"
"Not at all. The gas company
snapped him up, and now he's read
The formula for water (H20) reversed.
Oh H—! 2!
Anxious father on entering hospital
and finding twins.
THE MOLECULE'S STORY
By Mrs. O. W. WILCOX
I dwelt with millions of my kin deep
in the bosom of the hard earth. We
knew no terror, felt no pain, heard no
sharp reverberations from the noisy,
"fretting world. We were secure within our rocky covern, free to flow
withersoever we pleased, oiled by the
friendly pressure of one molecule upon another Anarchy was unknown
in our routine life. We obeyed, one
.and all, the decrees of Nature, and
gladly passed age and age in darkness, in security and in that ignorance
which begets bliss.
One day we were transfixed by terror. Rumblings from the Unknown
Affrighted us; the noice and pounding of the Work God grinding
through the walls of our sanctuary.
As we drew back in consternation, a
heavy mand-made pipe pierced the
propecting rocks, killing quintrillions
of my kin. I made ready with my comrades to rush this invading enemy.
With one accord we charged, but instead of driving out the intruder, we
were knocked into his brassy mouth,
Wished upward through his narrow
black throat—to life on earth, to sunlight, to noise, and finally, to oblivion.
I am wiser, now, from all these ex-
periences. I live, to, in the great whirling world where men buy my kin by
the gallon to keep their bodies moving.
Today my keeper read from his daily
paper that twelve and one half million gallons of gasoline were consumed in one year by the dark squatty
bodies moving on wheels. I pressed
closer to my pals, knowing full well
that my time would come, to be sacrificed to the Pleasure God or to the
Work God, in the fiery furnaces prepared by men. I shook with terror
when my keeper remarked: "And we
shall continue to pump gasoline from
the earth till the last drop is gone,
and that won't be a million years
either. Extinction for my race is what
he meant. The thought was deadening, so much so that I desired to escape, if possible, from my lot as a
small drop of this much-prized fluid.
But before I perish or escape, let
me tell my story, which mayhap will
reach the ears of my myriad of kin in
the bowels of the earth and serve as
a warning to them to evade at any
cost the work God. Let them flee
into the mighty ocean, or burrow more
deeply into Mother Earth, or meet ■
sure destruction. What follows is a true
statement of my experiences:
As I fell from the narrow, round
throat of the enemy, I saw for the first
time my arch enemy, Man, and the
derrick which he uses in oil fields.
It was a tall, coop-like affair which
holds the machinery. I was poured
then into a storage tank, and for a
space, I enjoyed the liberty of rolling
with my relatives against its home-like
After this I was forced into a pipeline, and began my long, long journey
to the refinery. You, who live below
the earth's crust will be shocked to
know that I traveled 90,000 miles in
this dark, narrow pipe under tall,
busy cities, close to green fields, under
rushing rivers, seeing always the
squatty monsters propelled by the
dead bodies of my relatives.
As I lay resting at the end of my
journey thru the pipe-line, I heard
the keeper telling his visitor, some
interesting data—in a gallon of crude
oil, my family, Gasoline, occupied only
25 per cent of the space, the rest being
taken up by my near relatives—Gas,
Kerosene, Gas Oil, Paraffins, Lubricating Oils, and our low-down neighbor,
Soon I was forced into the refining
process. We were hurled headlong into
a still, and the Fire God took possession of us. We were driven off by the
difference in temperature into immediate families. The Gasolines ran
pell mell up to 70°C. From 150° to
300c I watched my cousins, Paraffins,
and Vaselines race from the still. Then
clumsy, awkward Coke strugged forth,
and when I. laughed at his bulk, he
exclaimed: "My cousin, Mr. Coal, will
help to finish you."
As I lay nursing my burning wounds,
we were hurried along to a receiving
house and hurled into large agitators,
where we were hurled and swirled
until the offending Sulphur, a kind of
Gasoline Bacteria was removed from
Not satisfied, our tormentors were
upon us again; pitching us, unpitying-
ly, into steam stills. From these stills
we passed off in the company of vapors
and were at last honored with a given
name1—"Pure." Small comfort for our
A stillman watching a gauge let some
of my companions into a running still
to be re-fractioned. Fortunately, I
escaped the last torture chamber—the
I lay shuddering but clean knowing
full well that my cousins—the Gas
Oils were "cracking" under terrific
pressure and heat! They soon joined
us, but to our astonishment they
came as twins—each molecule of gas
oil having been cracked into two
Then we were collected and compressed, and began to warm up again.
But we became giddy and light from
the treatment, and were at last mixed
with heavier Oils who could control
We were next subjected to the distillation test, as we must be made according to man's specifications—100 ce
exactly were placed in a flask and
distilled under special condition and
PHI HONORS MEET
The first initiation for this year of
the Houston Junior College Honor Society was held April 12 at the home
of Mrs. Floy P. Soule. The following
were initiated at that time: Marie Coppin, Mrs. Hesser, Ruth Wheeler, Marguerite Kennedy, and Louise Shepperd.
The name, "The Phi Honor Society
of the Houston Junior College," suggested by Mrs. Soule, was unanimously
adopted. Royal blue and gold were
selected as club colors and the yellow
rose was adopted as the club flower.
The Phi Honor Society of the Houston Junior College held its regular
meeting at the home of Mrs. John R.
Bender on Sunday, April 26.
Plans for the annual banquet of the
Society were discussed and it was tentatively agreed that the banquet would
be given at the Mexico City Restaurant on Saturday evening, May 30,
at 7 p.m.
LIBRARY CLUB BANQUET
The members of the Library Club of
the Houston Junior College attended
the luncheon of the Library Division
of the South Texas Teachers' Association in the Rice Hotel, Friday at 12:30.
The main speaker of the hour was
Superintendent M. E. Moore of Beaumont, who was introduced by Dr. E. E.
Oberholtzer. The San Jacinto Senior
High School Orchestra played for the
For the second time during this year
the pep girls will spend the weekend of May 9 at Casa Del Mar, summer home of Y. W. C. A. at Morgan';
Genevieve Weldon, club president
hopes to make the bay party a smashing success and expects every member to reserve May 9 for the week
Those who expect to go may sign
up with Genevieve Weldon or Hazel
Taylor. A fee of $1.50 is required of
PEP CLUB BANQUET
Plans are being made for the Cougar Collegian banquet to be held on
affair will be for the purpose
of honoring the graduating sophomore
CONTEST ENDS MONDAY
Here is the motto for the Pep Club
during the popularity and beauty con-
"Support your candidate and be
loyal Cougar Collegians."
The contest ended at 8:30 Monday May 4. The "ball started rolling
on April 13 when Nelwyn Turner was
nominated as candidate for the most
beautiful girl and Genevieve Weldon
the most popular girl. They will represent H. J. C. on the night of May
8. The cost for each vote is one cent.
H. J. C. Sophomore Prom given at
Golfcrest Country Club Friday evening, May 1, was well attended and
Proceeds from the dance will go to
defray the expenses of the Sophomore
class for the year.
The Birmingham "Blue Blowers"
furnished the music for the
(A Short Story)
By Everett Kendall
Didn't I see you at the Prom the
other night? The Sophomore Prom,
you know. 'Twas glorious, and wasn't
the orchestra grand? Oh-h-h-h-h-h
Let me tell you that Gladys Jacobs
looked darling in her salmon colored
organdie with black mits, and so did
Alice Walker—she's cute.
Bobby McCullough was there in full
swing—can he dance? Not only how,
Johnny and Nora were there. Nora
looked darling in white.
Katherine Edminster, Maurine's little sister, was having a huge time. She
looked mighty sweet in a ruffled organdie, but so did Maurine.
Adele Drenkle came in black. The
effect you might guess for yourself.
Didn't Bill Jeter look nice in his
tuxedo, and Harry Richards, too?
Cy was there. Think he brought
Margaret Boyette; she certainly "looked"—
Didja see Frances Williard and Mary
Lenox? Both in blue that was particularly suited to their individual
Gladys Kuykendall and Lucille Cafcalas were honeys of the most emphatic sort.
Guess who I saw? Floyd Galbreath!
Surprise upon surprise. Thought he'd
break down and come around before
"Soap" McGinty was there with
bells on, and J. W. Sampson, too. You
know 'em both. They come around
school every so often.
Newlyn Turner was having a huge
time judging by the stag line following
Genevieve looked sweet in grey—she
was having a pretty good time herself.
Kate Meyers was there in eggshell
and red. She came with Gus Krell.
You know him—the one with the contagious laugh.
Honestly, I wish I had space anc
time enough to tell you what everybody wore and who they went with,
but you know how it «s?
Anyhow, here's to the Second Annual Soph Prom.
See ya some more some other time,
were pronounced Pure Gasoline.
Now came the exciting part, three
million gallons of Pure Gasoline were
poured in one tremendous storage tank,
from which, almost immediately,
were placed in oil cars holding 10,000
gallons each. Now commenced our
sight-seeing trip — the tank farms,
pumping stations, train-loads of Gaso.
lines, houses of laborers, cities with
wonderful filling stations, machinery
which filled us with dismay.
I rolled from the oil car into a large
truck and was carried at once to a
brick filling station. Here, my keeper
was more humane; he carefully prevented the Fire God from coming near
us. I was happy again and free but
not for long.
To my consternation, I found my
comrades escaping at every opportunity thru the tiniest openings, drop
by drop. They told me to do likewise,
or else be food for the hungry, hurrying autos.
I squeezed thru the rubber nozzle
(Continued on Page 4)
The Biology Shark
An Eastern college student went to
work one summer on an Arizona sheep
He was sent up to round up the
sheep. After three days' absence he
finally showed up nearly exhausted.
"Why were you so long bringing
the sheep?" asked the ranchman.
"Well, you see it was like this," r
plied the faithful student. "I didn't
have a bit of trouble with the grown
sheep; it was the lambs that nearly
wor*e me out chasing them."
Somewhat mystified, the ranchman
went to the sheep pen and found that
his energetic, hard-working ranch
"hand" had rounded up 14 jack-
Stark tragedy looked forth from the
eyes of the young man at the bar of
Suffering almost beyond human endurance had been his during the long
weeks of his trial; each hour seemed to
bring new mental pangs.
Superficially, he appeared like any
other young man, his dark eyes and
swarthy complexion indicating foreign
parentage. But it was the look of torture in his eyes that told of all that
he had been through before this stern-
At last the long drawn out trial
neared its close. Like a rough-handed
surgeon, the prosecuting attorney had
again and again plunged his scalpellike questions into the quivering soul
of the accused young man. At each
onslaught, those near the prisoner saw
him wince, and at one question his
face became ashen; only by supreme
strength of will did he keep from falling in a faint.
At last, as the prosecuting attorney
addressed the jury, he seemed to take
a fiendish delight in baring the naked
soul of the prisoner, and he would
point dramatically at the cowering figure as he sent his accusations ringing
through the court room.
"You may be asked to release this
an, to loose him upon our common-
ealth," the attorney shouted. "But I
iy no. You will not—you can not
do this. There must be no thwarting of
justice. Our homes, our dear ones, yea,
even our nation—all are in danger unless you see that full justice is meted
out to this criminal."
"Stop ... oh stop ... I can't stand
this . I can't endure it any longer.
I must speak." With these gasping
words the prisoner was on his feet. He
staggered toward the judge, holding
out his arms pleadingly.
Tht court room was suddenly in an
uproar. Even this sophisticated big-
city audience was touched to the
depths by the scene before them.
As the judge rapped insistantly for
order, the court room became quieter.
Then, rising to his full height, the
judge addressed the sobbing young
man before him:
"Cal Apone," he said, "you may
Slowly, the prisoner turned and
faced the audience. He struggled for
a moment for self control; then, in a
clear, vibrant voice, he said:
"Little did I realize that I would
come to this when I arrived in America
from Italy. Then I had just one am-
hition—to earn an honest living as a
racketeer. I worked. I became what the
world calls a success. I stood at the
top of my profession.
"Then came temptation. At first I
fought against it. But the old lure, the
old evil desire would return again
and again. One day, in a moment of
weakness, I yielded. An officer caught
me in the act. I was taken to jail."
Apone paused for a moment while
he wiped his eyes. Then he continued:
"Need I go further into the sordid
details of my shame? You know them
all. Nothing has been covered during
Then, turning quickly to the judge,
he said: "Your honor, I swear by all
that I hold dear that if you will give
me a chance . . . just one chance . . .
I will never again drive past a traffic
"Case dismissed," said the judge, as
he furtively wiped away a tear.
Professor Miller says that if the
average person really understood what
a tariff is there would be no tariffs.
It may be interesting to those students studying Spanish to know that
one hour of Spanish music is broadcast
every Monday night over radio station
KTLC from 10:45 to 11:45. All announcements ardf given in both Spanish and English.'
Si: "I hear ye've give up terbaccy,
Ezry: "Wal, I'm sort taperin' off. I
don't swaller the juice no more."
One Stude: "Why do Scotchmenj
'Nother Stude: "Easy!
the light overhead."
George Perry was discovered the,
other day walking down the street
with an arm load of almost new cuspidors.
'What's the idea of the cuspidors,
George?" he was asked.
"I'm taking them home to my dog."
"What kind of a dog is it?"
Dentist: "I'm sorry, but I'm out of
Helen Davis: 'Ye gods, do dentists
ise that -one, too?"
The history of the world i
raphy of great men.