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The Cougar, Vol. 4, No. 11, May 6, 1931
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The Cougar, Vol. 4, No. 11, May 6, 1931 - File 003. May 6, 1931. University of Houston Libraries. University of Houston Digital Library. Web. October 30, 2020. https://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/10270243/item/176/show/174.

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(May 6, 1931). The Cougar, Vol. 4, No. 11, May 6, 1931 - File 003. Daily Cougar. University of Houston Libraries. Retrieved from https://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/10270243/item/176/show/174

Disclaimer: This is a general citation for reference purposes. Please consult the most recent edition of your style manual for the proper formatting of the type of source you are citing. If the date given in the citation does not match the date on the digital item, use the more accurate date below the digital item.

The Cougar, Vol. 4, No. 11, May 6, 1931 - File 003, May 6, 1931, Daily Cougar, University of Houston Libraries, accessed October 30, 2020, https://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/10270243/item/176/show/174.

Disclaimer: This is a general citation for reference purposes. Please consult the most recent edition of your style manual for the proper formatting of the type of source you are citing. If the date given in the citation does not match the date on the digital item, use the more accurate date below the digital item.

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Title The Cougar, Vol. 4, No. 11, May 6, 1931
Alternative Title The Cougar, Vol. IV, No. 11, May 6, 1931
Contributor
  • Kendall, Everett
Date May 6, 1931
Language English
Description From masthead: "The Cougar of The Houston Junior College, Houston, Texas. Established 1928."
Subject
  • College student newspapers and periodicals
  • University of Houston
Place
  • Houston, Texas
Genre
  • newspapers
Type
  • Text
Identifier LH1.H6 C6; OCLC: 10270243
Collection
  • University of Houston Libraries Special Collections
  • University of Houston Archives
Rights In Copyright - Copyright Owner Unlocatable or Unidentifiable
Item Description
Title File 003
Transcript THE COUGAR The Cougar Scientist VOL. I. NO. 4 SCIENTIFIC HUMOR Physician reports that women are not • so nervous as they used to be. They are more unruffled, for one thing. Send It Some Eye Wash A naturalist assures us lions are nearsighted, but we wouldn't go looking for one if we knew it was stone- . blind. The Chicago Undertakers' Association says that a funeral costs less than * half as much in Chicago as it does in New York. Mass production certainly cuts down the high cost of dying.—Chicago Tribune. — Pretty Nurse: Every time I take the patient's pulse, it gets faster. What shall I do? Doctor: Blindfold him. "Are you a doctor?" she asked the young man at the-soda fountain. "No madam," he replied, "I'm a fizzician." Two farmers met on the road and "pulled up. 'Sir, I've got a mule with distemper. What'd you give that one of yours * when he had it?" "Turpentine. Giddap." A week later they met again. "Say, sir, I gave my mule turpentine and it killed him." "Killed mine, too. Giddap." BOTH WERE LYIN' Two scientists on being chased by a ferocious lion were engaged in the Jo 1 lowing conversation. First Smithsonian: Without doubt the width of the Zygomatic Arch makes him a Felides of Nubian origin. * Second Smithsonian: Ridiculous! His name alone signifies a migrated Felis Leo Gujratensis—not to mention the extreme claw Retractility! A doctor declares that kissing shortens life. We presume he means single Jife. Einstein says that only about a dozen men in the world probably understand his new gravitation theory, but * we don't know that. A lot of us have mastered the income tax blank.— American Lumberman. ^ "Yes," said the Oculist, "he had a curious affliction; Everything he looked he saw double." "Poor fellow. I suppose he found it hard to get a job?" "Not at all. The gas company snapped him up, and now he's read ^ng meters." The formula for water (H20) reversed. Oh H—! 2! Anxious father on entering hospital and finding twins. THE MOLECULE'S STORY By Mrs. O. W. WILCOX I dwelt with millions of my kin deep in the bosom of the hard earth. We knew no terror, felt no pain, heard no sharp reverberations from the noisy, "fretting world. We were secure within our rocky covern, free to flow withersoever we pleased, oiled by the friendly pressure of one molecule upon another Anarchy was unknown in our routine life. We obeyed, one .and all, the decrees of Nature, and gladly passed age and age in darkness, in security and in that ignorance which begets bliss. One day we were transfixed by terror. Rumblings from the Unknown Affrighted us; the noice and pounding of the Work God grinding through the walls of our sanctuary. As we drew back in consternation, a heavy mand-made pipe pierced the propecting rocks, killing quintrillions of my kin. I made ready with my comrades to rush this invading enemy. With one accord we charged, but instead of driving out the intruder, we were knocked into his brassy mouth, Wished upward through his narrow black throat—to life on earth, to sunlight, to noise, and finally, to oblivion. I am wiser, now, from all these ex- Society periences. I live, to, in the great whirling world where men buy my kin by the gallon to keep their bodies moving. Today my keeper read from his daily paper that twelve and one half million gallons of gasoline were consumed in one year by the dark squatty bodies moving on wheels. I pressed closer to my pals, knowing full well that my time would come, to be sacrificed to the Pleasure God or to the Work God, in the fiery furnaces prepared by men. I shook with terror when my keeper remarked: "And we shall continue to pump gasoline from the earth till the last drop is gone, and that won't be a million years either. Extinction for my race is what he meant. The thought was deadening, so much so that I desired to escape, if possible, from my lot as a small drop of this much-prized fluid. But before I perish or escape, let me tell my story, which mayhap will reach the ears of my myriad of kin in the bowels of the earth and serve as a warning to them to evade at any cost the work God. Let them flee into the mighty ocean, or burrow more deeply into Mother Earth, or meet ■ sure destruction. What follows is a true statement of my experiences: As I fell from the narrow, round throat of the enemy, I saw for the first time my arch enemy, Man, and the derrick which he uses in oil fields. It was a tall, coop-like affair which holds the machinery. I was poured then into a storage tank, and for a space, I enjoyed the liberty of rolling with my relatives against its home-like sides. After this I was forced into a pipeline, and began my long, long journey to the refinery. You, who live below the earth's crust will be shocked to know that I traveled 90,000 miles in this dark, narrow pipe under tall, busy cities, close to green fields, under rushing rivers, seeing always the squatty monsters propelled by the dead bodies of my relatives. As I lay resting at the end of my journey thru the pipe-line, I heard the keeper telling his visitor, some interesting data—in a gallon of crude oil, my family, Gasoline, occupied only 25 per cent of the space, the rest being taken up by my near relatives—Gas, Kerosene, Gas Oil, Paraffins, Lubricating Oils, and our low-down neighbor, Coke. Soon I was forced into the refining process. We were hurled headlong into a still, and the Fire God took possession of us. We were driven off by the difference in temperature into immediate families. The Gasolines ran pell mell up to 70°C. From 150° to 300c I watched my cousins, Paraffins, and Vaselines race from the still. Then clumsy, awkward Coke strugged forth, and when I. laughed at his bulk, he exclaimed: "My cousin, Mr. Coal, will help to finish you." As I lay nursing my burning wounds, we were hurried along to a receiving house and hurled into large agitators, where we were hurled and swirled until the offending Sulphur, a kind of Gasoline Bacteria was removed from Not satisfied, our tormentors were upon us again; pitching us, unpitying- ly, into steam stills. From these stills we passed off in the company of vapors and were at last honored with a given name1—"Pure." Small comfort for our many sufferings. A stillman watching a gauge let some of my companions into a running still to be re-fractioned. Fortunately, I escaped the last torture chamber—the "Cracking Process." I lay shuddering but clean knowing full well that my cousins—the Gas Oils were "cracking" under terrific pressure and heat! They soon joined us, but to our astonishment they came as twins—each molecule of gas oil having been cracked into two separate beings. Then we were collected and compressed, and began to warm up again. But we became giddy and light from the treatment, and were at last mixed with heavier Oils who could control our wildness. We were next subjected to the distillation test, as we must be made according to man's specifications—100 ce exactly were placed in a flask and distilled under special condition and PHI HONORS MEET The first initiation for this year of the Houston Junior College Honor Society was held April 12 at the home of Mrs. Floy P. Soule. The following were initiated at that time: Marie Coppin, Mrs. Hesser, Ruth Wheeler, Marguerite Kennedy, and Louise Shepperd. The name, "The Phi Honor Society of the Houston Junior College," suggested by Mrs. Soule, was unanimously adopted. Royal blue and gold were selected as club colors and the yellow rose was adopted as the club flower. The Phi Honor Society of the Houston Junior College held its regular meeting at the home of Mrs. John R. Bender on Sunday, April 26. Plans for the annual banquet of the Society were discussed and it was tentatively agreed that the banquet would be given at the Mexico City Restaurant on Saturday evening, May 30, at 7 p.m. LIBRARY CLUB BANQUET The members of the Library Club of the Houston Junior College attended the luncheon of the Library Division of the South Texas Teachers' Association in the Rice Hotel, Friday at 12:30. The main speaker of the hour was Superintendent M. E. Moore of Beaumont, who was introduced by Dr. E. E. Oberholtzer. The San Jacinto Senior High School Orchestra played for the occasion. BAY PARTY For the second time during this year the pep girls will spend the weekend of May 9 at Casa Del Mar, summer home of Y. W. C. A. at Morgan'; Point. Genevieve Weldon, club president hopes to make the bay party a smashing success and expects every member to reserve May 9 for the week end party. Those who expect to go may sign up with Genevieve Weldon or Hazel Taylor. A fee of $1.50 is required of everyone. PEP CLUB BANQUET Plans are being made for the Cougar Collegian banquet to be held on May 23. affair will be for the purpose of honoring the graduating sophomore club members. CONTEST ENDS MONDAY Here is the motto for the Pep Club during the popularity and beauty con- "Support your candidate and be loyal Cougar Collegians." The contest ended at 8:30 Monday May 4. The "ball started rolling on April 13 when Nelwyn Turner was nominated as candidate for the most beautiful girl and Genevieve Weldon the most popular girl. They will represent H. J. C. on the night of May 8. The cost for each vote is one cent. SOPHOMORE PROM H. J. C. Sophomore Prom given at Golfcrest Country Club Friday evening, May 1, was well attended and greatly enjoyed. Proceeds from the dance will go to defray the expenses of the Sophomore class for the year. The Birmingham "Blue Blowers" furnished the music for the JUSTICE (A Short Story) By Everett Kendall Didn't I see you at the Prom the other night? The Sophomore Prom, you know. 'Twas glorious, and wasn't the orchestra grand? Oh-h-h-h-h-h (sigh)! Let me tell you that Gladys Jacobs looked darling in her salmon colored organdie with black mits, and so did Alice Walker—she's cute. Bobby McCullough was there in full swing—can he dance? Not only how, but uh-huh! Johnny and Nora were there. Nora looked darling in white. Katherine Edminster, Maurine's little sister, was having a huge time. She looked mighty sweet in a ruffled organdie, but so did Maurine. Adele Drenkle came in black. The effect you might guess for yourself. Didn't Bill Jeter look nice in his tuxedo, and Harry Richards, too? Cy was there. Think he brought Margaret Boyette; she certainly "looked"— Didja see Frances Williard and Mary Lenox? Both in blue that was particularly suited to their individual types. Gladys Kuykendall and Lucille Cafcalas were honeys of the most emphatic sort. Guess who I saw? Floyd Galbreath! Surprise upon surprise. Thought he'd break down and come around before long. "Soap" McGinty was there with bells on, and J. W. Sampson, too. You know 'em both. They come around school every so often. Newlyn Turner was having a huge time judging by the stag line following her. Genevieve looked sweet in grey—she was having a pretty good time herself. Kate Meyers was there in eggshell and red. She came with Gus Krell. You know him—the one with the contagious laugh. Honestly, I wish I had space anc time enough to tell you what everybody wore and who they went with, but you know how it «s? Anyhow, here's to the Second Annual Soph Prom. See ya some more some other time, —Cutie. were pronounced Pure Gasoline. Now came the exciting part, three million gallons of Pure Gasoline were poured in one tremendous storage tank, from which, almost immediately, were placed in oil cars holding 10,000 gallons each. Now commenced our sight-seeing trip — the tank farms, pumping stations, train-loads of Gaso. lines, houses of laborers, cities with wonderful filling stations, machinery which filled us with dismay. I rolled from the oil car into a large truck and was carried at once to a brick filling station. Here, my keeper was more humane; he carefully prevented the Fire God from coming near us. I was happy again and free but not for long. To my consternation, I found my comrades escaping at every opportunity thru the tiniest openings, drop by drop. They told me to do likewise, or else be food for the hungry, hurrying autos. I squeezed thru the rubber nozzle (Continued on Page 4) The Biology Shark An Eastern college student went to work one summer on an Arizona sheep ranch. He was sent up to round up the sheep. After three days' absence he finally showed up nearly exhausted. "Why were you so long bringing the sheep?" asked the ranchman. "Well, you see it was like this," r plied the faithful student. "I didn't have a bit of trouble with the grown sheep; it was the lambs that nearly wor*e me out chasing them." Somewhat mystified, the ranchman went to the sheep pen and found that his energetic, hard-working ranch "hand" had rounded up 14 jack- rabbits. Stark tragedy looked forth from the eyes of the young man at the bar of justice. Suffering almost beyond human endurance had been his during the long weeks of his trial; each hour seemed to bring new mental pangs. Superficially, he appeared like any other young man, his dark eyes and swarthy complexion indicating foreign parentage. But it was the look of torture in his eyes that told of all that he had been through before this stern- faced judge. At last the long drawn out trial neared its close. Like a rough-handed surgeon, the prosecuting attorney had again and again plunged his scalpellike questions into the quivering soul of the accused young man. At each onslaught, those near the prisoner saw him wince, and at one question his face became ashen; only by supreme strength of will did he keep from falling in a faint. At last, as the prosecuting attorney addressed the jury, he seemed to take a fiendish delight in baring the naked soul of the prisoner, and he would point dramatically at the cowering figure as he sent his accusations ringing through the court room. "You may be asked to release this an, to loose him upon our common- ealth," the attorney shouted. "But I iy no. You will not—you can not do this. There must be no thwarting of justice. Our homes, our dear ones, yea, even our nation—all are in danger unless you see that full justice is meted out to this criminal." "Stop ... oh stop ... I can't stand this . I can't endure it any longer. I must speak." With these gasping words the prisoner was on his feet. He staggered toward the judge, holding out his arms pleadingly. Tht court room was suddenly in an uproar. Even this sophisticated big- city audience was touched to the depths by the scene before them. As the judge rapped insistantly for order, the court room became quieter. Then, rising to his full height, the judge addressed the sobbing young man before him: "Cal Apone," he said, "you may speak." Slowly, the prisoner turned and faced the audience. He struggled for a moment for self control; then, in a clear, vibrant voice, he said: "Little did I realize that I would come to this when I arrived in America from Italy. Then I had just one am- hition—to earn an honest living as a racketeer. I worked. I became what the world calls a success. I stood at the top of my profession. "Then came temptation. At first I fought against it. But the old lure, the old evil desire would return again and again. One day, in a moment of weakness, I yielded. An officer caught me in the act. I was taken to jail." Apone paused for a moment while he wiped his eyes. Then he continued: "Need I go further into the sordid details of my shame? You know them all. Nothing has been covered during my trial." Then, turning quickly to the judge, he said: "Your honor, I swear by all that I hold dear that if you will give me a chance . . . just one chance . . . I will never again drive past a traffic stop light." "Case dismissed," said the judge, as he furtively wiped away a tear. Professor Miller says that if the average person really understood what a tariff is there would be no tariffs. It may be interesting to those students studying Spanish to know that one hour of Spanish music is broadcast every Monday night over radio station KTLC from 10:45 to 11:45. All announcements ardf given in both Spanish and English.' Si: "I hear ye've give up terbaccy, Ezry." Ezry: "Wal, I'm sort taperin' off. I don't swaller the juice no more." One Stude: "Why do Scotchmenj prefer blonds?" 'Nother Stude: "Easy! the light overhead." George Perry was discovered the, other day walking down the street with an arm load of almost new cuspidors. 'What's the idea of the cuspidors, George?" he was asked. "I'm taking them home to my dog." "What kind of a dog is it?" "Spitz." Dentist: "I'm sorry, but I'm out of Helen Davis: 'Ye gods, do dentists ise that -one, too?" The history of the world i raphy of great men.
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