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The Cougar, Vol. 5, No. 3, December 23, 1931
File 003
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The Cougar, Vol. 5, No. 3, December 23, 1931 - File 003. December 23, 1931. University of Houston Libraries. University of Houston Digital Library. Web. September 15, 2019. https://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/10270243/item/171/show/169.

Disclaimer: This is a general citation for reference purposes. Please consult the most recent edition of your style manual for the proper formatting of the type of source you are citing. If the date given in the citation does not match the date on the digital item, use the more accurate date below the digital item.

(December 23, 1931). The Cougar, Vol. 5, No. 3, December 23, 1931 - File 003. Daily Cougar. University of Houston Libraries. Retrieved from https://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/10270243/item/171/show/169

Disclaimer: This is a general citation for reference purposes. Please consult the most recent edition of your style manual for the proper formatting of the type of source you are citing. If the date given in the citation does not match the date on the digital item, use the more accurate date below the digital item.

The Cougar, Vol. 5, No. 3, December 23, 1931 - File 003, December 23, 1931, Daily Cougar, University of Houston Libraries, accessed September 15, 2019, https://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/10270243/item/171/show/169.

Disclaimer: This is a general citation for reference purposes. Please consult the most recent edition of your style manual for the proper formatting of the type of source you are citing. If the date given in the citation does not match the date on the digital item, use the more accurate date below the digital item.

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Title The Cougar, Vol. 5, No. 3, December 23, 1931
Alternative Title The Cougar, Vol. V, No. 3, December 23, 1931
Contributor
  • Conroe, Oscar
Date December 23, 1931
Language English
Description From masthead: "The Cougar of The Houston Junior College, Houston, Texas. Established 1928."
Subject
  • College student newspapers and periodicals
  • University of Houston
Place
  • Houston, Texas
Genre
  • newspapers
Type
  • Text
Identifier LH1.H6 C6; OCLC: 10270243
Collection
  • University of Houston Libraries Special Collections
  • University of Houston Archives
Rights In Copyright - Copyright Owner Unlocatable or Unidentifiable
Item Description
Title File 003
Transcript THE C O U G A R Our Budding Journalists Sally White is still writing on her short, short, short story. "I'm going up to interview the Sob Sister," says Gladys Jacobs, polishing her nose. . ^ Ann Rach takes alook at her test paper. After having served the Humble Oil & Refining Company fourteen years as its Standard Dictorary, she * stands corrected in her spelling: "I 'staid' too long," she said. Louis Higginbotham arrives late, i "He was still at the Adorable when I left," remarks Lucille Cafcalas. The Gargoyle states it has three applications daily from this class. "How ' about it?" inquires lone Brown. "Don't look at me," defends Walter Garrett. "I notice Verna German is as active in writing Book Reviews as she is in "" her Tomboy Broadcast," states Harvey Richards. "That reminds me," says Verna, "of • the criticism on the 'Villa de Santiago'." "Well, constructive criticism is very beneficial," says Mrs. Hardaway, "but when it comes to a phrase 'sticking out like a sore thumb,' I consider it very stiff." « "I understand the first six weeks are to be regarded as a test, and that Mr. Birney thinks each of us will get an A by the end of the term," comes * from optimistic Mr. Albert. But Mr. Birney has been quoted as saying: "Give us our criticisms while we live; our bouquets only when we die." However, he tempers justice with mercy by admitting that he, like Will Rogers, only "razzes" his best friends. THREE RUTH DEPPERMAN PUZZELITUS Well, judging from the response to the first puzzle offered, the students at this college are either exceedingly dumb, or very much lacking in am- , bition. Now that's no way to have anybody talk about you, and being as you don't know whose writing this, the only way you can show him that he is wrong is to send in a correct answer to the following poser. It is very simple, but catchy; so be careful and not too hasty with your figuring. And remember, a correct answer with your name attached to it, put in Mr. Bir- ney's box at the office, means that your name will be published in the next issue. All right, here it is: Two painters, Jones and Smith, contract to paint the lamp posts on a certain section of a street. Jones gets up earlier than Smith, and starts painting, and has painted three lamp posts by the time Smith arrives. Then Smith tells Jones, that he has started on the wrong side. So Jones, an agreeable fellow, goes over to the other side and starts over. Smith finishes up the side Jones started, then feeling sorry for his partner, h» goes over to the other side and paints six posts for Jones, finishing the job. Now as there were the same number of posts on each side of the street, the question is: Who painted the most posts, and how many more than the other fellow did he paint? As regards the solution to the puzzle in the last issue; the boat traveled only 70 miles in the first hour, and then 90 in the second hour. The locomotive, traveling 80 miles an hour steadily for two hours traveled the sum of 160 miles, which is the same distance that the boat traveled. The race ended when the two were abreast of each other, consequently it lasted exactly two hours. Now an airplane traveling 150 miles an hour for two hours would certainly travel 300 miles, which is the correct answer. All right now, it's up to you. Are you dumb, lazy, or smart? The num- 1 ber of solutions handed in this time will judge you, so let's go. Cougar Howls "Cisco" Kellogg: I don't like to ride with you; you're reckless. Curtis Dunk: Yes, we've had some light squeezes, haven't we? "Happy": There are lots of couples that don't pet in parked cars. John C: Yes, the woods are full of "Do you object to petting?" "That's one thing I have never done yet." "Petted." "No, objected." The_ ultimate in women's clothes— to feel the coolest and look the hottest. Dentist: I'm sorry but I'm out of gas. Girl in the Chair: Ye gods! Do dentists pull that old stuff, too? Height of something or other. A A drunk looking at pictures drawn by Dr. Seuss. Gee, dear, with a moon like that there are only two things to do—and I, don't feer like writing poetry. The evil effects of proms are only too evident. George Washington was an inevitable dancer, and became the Father of His Country. Prof: Now, wouldn't you be surprised on the final day if St Peter asked you, 'What is a participle?" Dear Editor: What does a kiss on le ear denote? Answer: It denotes that the girl STICK 'EM UP! As a means of continuing their campaign to better the student body of the college and instill in them a little of the school spirit that they lack, the Cougar Collegians are presenting them with Junior College Stickers as all colleges possess to paste on the windows of their cars, autos, conveyances and Fords. She: How do the freshmen keep those dinky little caps on? He: Vacuum pressure. She: Hey, Joe, about how long should I cook this spaghetti? He: Oh, about 10 inches. "Flash" Branham: See that fellow over there? He's a bombastic ass, a vacuous nonenity, a conceited humbug, a parasite, and an incumbrance to the earth. Rena Mai B.: Would you mind writing that down? You see, he's my date, and I would like to use it on him sometimes. Marion Adams: Sorry, old man, that my hen got loose and scratched up your garden. Fred Aebi: That's all right; my dog ate your hen. Marion: Fine! I just ran over your dog and killed him. Leon Green: Do you still run around with that little blonde? Irving W.: She's married now. L. G.: Answer my question. Walter Garret, it seems was the guest of a lesser known hotel. He was not exactly satisfied with the service rendered and woke up the night clerk i with a phone call. "What's on your mind now?" the I clerk snapped. "Mind hell!" replied Garret, "they're all over the bed." Mr, Harris: Have you ever had an) stage experience? Eugene Heard: Yes, 1 had my leg in a cast once. Julian Hurwitz (buying a suitcase): I None of these is what I want. When I i buy a bag, I like to see some cowhide in it. Julius "Seize 'er'" Kaufman: Oi, you should vant tricks. Am I a magician yet? Now comes Mary Jane Fly with the statement that 'The best way to lubricate an Austin is to hang it on the wall and spray it with a Flit gun." O. D. Brown: Dollink, if you really do like this uke, I'm going to give it Christine Fitzgerald: An out-and- out gift? O. D.: Absolutely, there's no strings to it. Butcher: I'll pay you three dollars a week, but what can you do? Tom Crawford: Anything. Butcher: Well, be specific. Can you dress a chicken? Tom; Not on three bucks a week. Vincent Artale :Today, you will look upon my face for the last time. Mr. Artale: What, you would kill yourself? Vincent: No, I'm going to raise a beard. Hal Renfro: Columbus was some prophet. Donald Aitken: I'll bite. Renfro: When he discovered America he shouted "I see dry land." James Julian: I sent you some suggestions for making the Cougar more interesting. Did you carry them out? Mr. Birney: Did you meet the jani- itor with the waste-paper basket as you came in? J. J.: Why, yes, I did. Mr. B.: Well, he was carrying out your ideas. Lucille Black: Kiss me again! Jimmie Brinkley: My dear, I've just kissed you seventeen times in seventeen seconds, Lucille: Jimmie, you love another, Photographer: Do you want a large or small picture? . Donald Aitken: A small one, please. Photographed: Then close your mouth!! A garlic sandwich is two pieces of bread traveling in bad company. Time will tell—but co-eds won't. Thats what I get for being a bad girl, said the flapper as she tried on her new fur coat. She uses Pillsbury's Best for face powder because her boy friend said she had a face like a pancake. "A sharp nose indicates curiosity," says a seeintist. And a flattened nose may indicate too much curiosity. PATSY INMAN A Freshman Entry Beauty Contest "Yeah, and who in the h—1 wouldn'l When one man i: other, a girl gets no with either of them. as good as an- kick out of going met your Mr. Birney: I've wife; she's a brunette, isn't she? Mr. Harris: I'm not sure, she's visiting a beautician this afternoon Milford Smith recently had his picture taken by one of those "Developed while you wait" photographers. The result disappointed even the photographer, but Milford was lucky; the picture didn't look anything Uke bim. Pat McAlexander, former Jeff Davis student, is making himself known in the public speaking and accounting departments. In the former class, he recently set forth ten reasons why we should legalize beer. He even mentioned the one about creating work for the unemployed. Mr. Miller was explaining that th« "curb" was a sort of outlaw stock exchange, and continued: "The seats in the Stock Exchange often sell for as much as $30,000." The mere mention of so large a sum of money caused a respectful hush in the classroom. Presently a voice (shall we say that it belonged to Harvey Richards?) said "Gosh, I'd sit on the curb." Mr. Henderson, in explaining why so many farmers were leaving the country for the city. "The farmers have nothing to do, any more. They used to raise oats and corn to feed to their horses, but now they A uke, A freshman, \ moon. He plays. A flower pot A shove, A thud. le lays. She was only an undertaker's daughter, but she was the burtes. Man's place, too, is in the home— but only when the husband is away. Statistics show that out of every hundred marriages, fifty per cent are women. When the hostess says: "I'm delighted to meet you, Mr. So-and so," do not show your egotism by saying: It has been rumored about the campus that the presidents of two rival, but friendly organizations, the Dramatic Class and the Dramatic Club do not get along so well with each other. Now we thought that they were "cur-ray-zee" about each other. How about it, Chris? (She'i both of them). We wonder who was driving the La- Salle sedan we saw Lucille Cafcalas crawling into in front of the Apple House a few nights ago. Somebody overheard a conversation between Jim Bertrand and Milford Smith which ran something like this: A petite blonde, too well-known for her name to be divulged, stood in Hne in the Cafeteria gazing at a concoction of ground meat and potatoes, macaroni, or what have you. "What is it?" she finally asked. "Shepherds' Pie," was the answer. "Gee!" she said after a moment "the shepherds must have been awful hungry!" We overheard Howard J. J. reciting the following poetry: Both beautiful and dumb My own true love must be— Beautiful so I'll love her, And dumb so she'll love me. Along the Campus Walk She was strolling down the campus walk with another girl. Her companion was with her in the flesh only. For all the opportunity she had of adding to the flowing stream of talk, her thoughts might have been thousands of miles away, and girl Number One would never have known the difference. . "We went to the dance last night. Four of us. Everyone was there. You weren't there, were you? You should have gone; everyone, positively everyone, was there; but you probably would not have enjoyed it. And I met the cutest boy there. Dark hair and blue eyes. Just my type, you "Of course I did not exactly meet him. You know how jealous Tom is. Just goes into a fury every time another man looks at me. "Gee, I wish I knew who that other boy was! I think blond girls with brunette men look just too divine. And I had on my blue transparent velvet, too. Tom says it just matchas my eyes. "Tom says the sweetest things. But I wonder who that gorgeous man was. I ■ saw him come up and introduce himself to Tom. But Tom was mad because I was dancing with Jerry and was not very friendly, so he went away. I suppose Tom knew that h« wanted to meet me. Isn't it terrible how jealous men are when they are in love? "Do you know anything about this math? Gee, I guess I oughta stayed home last night and crammed, but I forgot all about this darned quiz, and I just hate math anyway. But I love English. I got the cutest English prof. I just love English. "Gee, I wish I was as smart as you are. I'll bet you know this stuff like a book. I suppose I could be smart if I studied, but men dont* like smart girls. "Listen, sit down here on the steps a minute and show me how to work this problem. Gee, thanks a lot; I can memorize that easy. Well, so long. "Gee, there's that grand looking boy I saw last night. And coming this way, too. Where on earth is my lipstick? "Gee, wouldn't that freeze you? Didn't even see me. Tearing after dumb grind that worked that problem problem for me! Aren't men just the queerest things?" SYMPHONY IN BLUE The sombre blue of the great ocean, the turquoise blue of the Mediterranean, the cerrulean blue of the clouds as they float lazily through an azure sky, the blue Cyprian grottos of Naples, with the cobalt waters lapping at their feet, the artistry of blue Delft poreelainware of the old Dutch masters, all fade into sheer nothingness before the eathereal being that it has been my good fortune to view. The soft sheer of blue silk, the regal poise, the sweet face, the golden hair, the lilting voice, all create in the enraptured mind of the beholder a symphony of lovliness that delves into the innermost resources of the soul, just as the pulsating tones that a Mozart might play on the harpischord, reaches for the heartstrings of his spellbound listeners. Curly, winsome little locks of hair that capture each passng sunbeam, and in ensnaring them, transmit them to the purest of virgin gold. Would that I could be a sunbeam for just one fleeting moment and thus implant a light caress on that exquisite face. Or, would that I had the brush of a Corregio, the master chisel of an Angelo, that I might record everlastingly for all the world on canvas and the purest of Venetian marble my impression of this wonderful person. Had I the silver-tongued oratory of a Burke I might voice my thoughts to this vision of lovliness, but as I have only my own poor, faltering speech, I may only worship from afar. However, oft when I am pensive or melancholy, my mind conjures up this beautious apparition in blue and the mere contemplation of such a being drives from my tortured brain all the myriad imps of evil, care and worry, and leaves in their stead a feeling that for one moment of ecstacy, I feel exalted into the Realms of the Sublime. —Joseph LeRoi Taylor.
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