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The Cougar, Vol. 5, No. 13, May 25, 1932
File 006
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The Cougar, Vol. 5, No. 13, May 25, 1932 - File 006. May 25, 1932. University of Houston Libraries. University of Houston Digital Library. Web. November 15, 2019. https://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/10270243/item/166/show/165.

Disclaimer: This is a general citation for reference purposes. Please consult the most recent edition of your style manual for the proper formatting of the type of source you are citing. If the date given in the citation does not match the date on the digital item, use the more accurate date below the digital item.

(May 25, 1932). The Cougar, Vol. 5, No. 13, May 25, 1932 - File 006. Daily Cougar. University of Houston Libraries. Retrieved from https://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/10270243/item/166/show/165

Disclaimer: This is a general citation for reference purposes. Please consult the most recent edition of your style manual for the proper formatting of the type of source you are citing. If the date given in the citation does not match the date on the digital item, use the more accurate date below the digital item.

The Cougar, Vol. 5, No. 13, May 25, 1932 - File 006, May 25, 1932, Daily Cougar, University of Houston Libraries, accessed November 15, 2019, https://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/10270243/item/166/show/165.

Disclaimer: This is a general citation for reference purposes. Please consult the most recent edition of your style manual for the proper formatting of the type of source you are citing. If the date given in the citation does not match the date on the digital item, use the more accurate date below the digital item.

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Title The Cougar, Vol. 5, No. 13, May 25, 1932
Alternative Title The Cougar, Vol. V, No. 13, May 25, 1932
Contributor
  • Jones, A. Gordon
Date May 25, 1932
Language English
Description From masthead: "The Cougar of The Houston Junior College, Houston, Texas. Established 1928."
Subject
  • College student newspapers and periodicals
  • University of Houston
Place
  • Houston, Texas
Genre
  • newspapers
Type
  • Text
Identifier LH1.H6 C6; OCLC: 10270243
Collection
  • University of Houston Libraries Special Collections
  • University of Houston Archives
Rights In Copyright - Copyright Owner Unlocatable or Unidentifiable
Item Description
Title File 006
Transcript Last Will and Testament of Class of '32 CITY OF HOUSTON COUNTY OF HARRIS STATE OF TEXAS To the minions of those benighted beings who are flatteringly called Cougars: At this, the crucial point in our decisive careers, it is deemed not only desirable but acceptable that the Graduates of Houston Junior College in 1932, being in as sane a state of mind as is humanly possible after being subjected to those inhumane tortures known as "Finals", should leave, as its final official action, a last will and testament by which those of you who are fortunate enough to have this class as predecessors may be guided in the straight and narrow path. That there shall be no quarreling and gnashing of teeth over the portions of the vast stores of hoarded wealth to which each individual is justly entitled, this is the formal statement of the said Graduating Class of '32, to the effect by which honest judgment is rendered, to-wit: To all of you, we leave Mrs. Bender, the kindest and most thoughtful and helpful of all our Superiors. She will carry on the work of advising and being your friend. Keep her faith in you. We leave to you our most considerate Dean Dupre, who stands at the top of a faculty who have taught us that when they say "Study", they mean "Study" or else ....'! As advice, we warn you—learn the British possessions the first time Mr. Miner assigns them, or else you'll be learning them the rest of the term. If you are wise, this is sufficient. Florlne Davis and Rena Mai Butler, esteemed general executives and heads of all women's activities in the realm of our Junior College, leave their hard won laurels to those poor fame-blinded butterflies who consider an official position a job of ease and a chance to loaf. Robert Branham and Harry Mathews leave to all those attached to the manly art of basketball, an unblemished record of not having slipped off the bench in two years. They suggest that their phenomenal success was due to sunburn rosin, it never slips. To Fat Poley, Handsome Harry Renfro leaves his book on "My Influence With Women", or "How It Should Be Done". Due to Renfro's testimonial we guarantee this book to tell you "how". Just ask him. Jennie Jo Bentley leaves her stage ability and presence of mind behind in the hopes that Prof. Harris may be able to instill in some other minds the why and wherefor of dramatics. Chris Fitzgerald leaves her good humor to Vernon Smith, on the condition that he divide it with Eddie "Curly" Boyle who must promise to never again let auburn-haired girls set his waves, at least when Vernon is around. Gordon Jones leaves his Patent Medicine business to Bill Stovall, hoping that Bill will not believe all he hears about these cure-alls. Justine Shapely and Elizabeth Dickinson leave their ability to pin signs on people's backs, and at the same time to answer the most tricky of Mr. Miller's government questions. And you all know how tricky they can be—especially when you're pinning signs. Jo Carraway leaves her power to so charm her profs that she makes all A's, to Ruth Depperman, who admits that she is dumb, but at least beautiful. To Portia Garrett, Myrta Ann Meisner leaves her beguiling shyness and her many boy friends, providing Portia takes the retiqque under her protecting wing and shields them from this cruel world. As the lady of experience, Portia should welcome this chance to extend her magnanimous influence. Violet Herbert, Eleanor Busbey, and Hulda Alexander leave their illustrious sorority, the TATS, to several capable sirens who will carry on the great work of bumfuzzling the hearts and minds of hundreds of dumb boys. To Jeanne Wetherall, Bernice Branum leaves her weakness for curly-headed blondes and for "Great" men, who threaten but never do. Victor Voebel, in a moment of sobriety, leaves all his "rayons" to Hamp Robinson, who confesses that his supply is about exhausted. Arthur Burns leaves his inexhaustible store of "Luckies" to the famous Rip Harrison, so that he will be able to follow Art's splendid example and never smoke O. P.'s. After these donations, the entire class wants to have it publicly announced .that the reason their name was not in this list of philanthropies was because they were using all their possessions and had nothing valueless to bequeath. As executor of this noble document, we now nominate, appoint, and elect | S. W. Henderson, Freshman, who has shown much promise along such lines as boring assembly programs and so forth, and we sincerely hope that he will have the power and authority to enforce the captions herein embodied. Finally, we, your lawyers, leave to the great enjjoyment of all those concerned, This Last Will and Document, given under the hand and seal of the Honorable E. B. Hill, Chief Umpche, on this the twenty-third day of May in the year of our Lord 1932. Respectfully, HEAREM & TELLEM, Inc. Class Lawyers.
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