did YOU KNOW?
The greatest length actually measured is that from the earth to the most
distant known nebula, or about 140,-
000,000 light years. Expressed in miles,
this equals a figure 9 followed by 20
ciphers. It is exceeded, however, by
one estimated length, that of the diameter of the universe, deduced from
the Einstein theories, which is about
15 times greater.
The smallest known length is the estimated diameter of the nucleus of ;
hydrogen atom, set down as a little
more than one million billionth of an
The extreme of large mass is the estimated mass of the Einstein universe,
listed as equivalent, in tons to a figure
7 followed by 72 ciphers.
The smallest known mass is that of
an electron, of which it is estimated
that about 30,000 billion billion billions
would be necessary to make an ounce.
The longest time is that estimated for
the sun to decrease to one-half its
present mass, which would be about
two hundred billion years.
The shortest time is that of one oscillation of a cosmic ray, or about one
ten-thousand-billion-billionth of a sec-
Known speeds range from that of
light, which is approximately 186,000
miles a second, to the speed at which
metallic gold diffuses, atom by atom,
into solid lead, which is about one
twelve-thousandth of an inch per day.
The hottest item listed is the temperature of the inside of certain stars,
estimated as reaching 72,000,000 degrees Fahrenheit; while the coldest is
the theoretical absolute zero of 460
degrees below the Fahrenheit zero.
DISHING THE DIRT
Bob must have been stalling when
he let Ed out-Smartt him. Ethel Falk
was the prize to the
J. C.'s halls are being graced these
days by the beautiful Jean Sham-
baugh. Jean hails from Rice Institute
where she was a candidate for the
beauty section in the Campanile.
Lucky for the H. J. C. boys.
Wonder why Bill Goggan quit school
while buzzing about his bees?
Le Roy Melcher says he is true to
one girl. He must mean one a!
time, for he was seen skating with
Helen Gould on McGregor Drive one
night, and the next night he was out
with a different girl. The third night
found the faithful (?) Le Roy with
still a third feminine. And to think
of all the good vacant space in the
And what's more he has been i
of late sitting in the Gould mansion
taking things easy. Then he rides in
Helen's fleet of Cadillacs. The gigolo!
Why doesn't Katherine Berry give
Charlie Giraud a break? She promises him a break, but she says it will
be in his neck. Tish! Tish!
Some one asked this scandal monger
why Hamp Robinson gave S. M. the
air. Our answer is just take a look at
little Woozy. She's worth giving anybody the air for.
Jessie Darling (J. C.'s only Darling
boy) has the same thing that Lord
Byron had in such abundance. A big
Melvin Feeney was obliging a m<
er by warming her baby's bottle for
her. He was seen (bottle in hand) by
a bunch of J. C. sorority girls who
made myth of poor Feeney's plight,
But cheer up Melvin! In a few years
some of them may be warming milk
for a baby (their own). Then you can
have the laff on them—only you t
laff at girls attending a baby.
Million dollars legs may sound kinda
Marlein Dietrichish, but at the reception Friday nite we saw something
that was just one better. It was Horace
(Mountain Lion) Mills in shorts. Mills
claims to be H. J. C.'s panther-man,
but we can guess (after seeing his
legs) why men wear long trousers.
St. Patrick's Day already has Donald
Aitken in a faint dew; of gentle perspiration, for thence cometh the Sophomore prom. Ask Donald if you're on
"Mr. Allwright," whispers Pat Foley,
"who does Ann Owen date at the Friday night, Junior League dances?"
"Pat," softly answers J. C-, "why do
you eat at Phillips Cafe instead of going four- blocks home to dinner?" Is
it because Ann eats there?"
Maybe the five-cent sandwiches lure
lis is degenerating into gossip and
sewing-circle tales, so lets do it right.
Homer Riley was with Pat Foley
when Richard MacFee released the
exclusive fact that piddler Leroy Melcher "has the most divine crush" on
Helen Gould. Now isn't that just
Further comment has it that Leroy
)sent-mindedly or just clumsily tried
to enter through the servants quarters
the first time he called on Helen.
A manhunt staged for Jimmie Brink -
ley's benefit last Friday night was unsuccessful. Pat Foley, J. C. Allwright
and Homer Riley chased Jimmie
around the campus and finally headed
him towards Phillips Cafe. On flying
feet Jimmie rounded the corner and
seemingly vanished into thin air, for
his pursuers could find no trace of
him. After three days Jimmie reveal-
id that he caught a bus and went
Safety before comfort is Jimmie's
guiding thought. Last Friday was his
Marjorie Wilke and Nell Wade are
the cutest model young students
around Junior College. Mighty midgets indeed.
GOLF AND TENNIS CLUB
Bud Steeger was elected temporary
chairman of the Junior College Golf
and Tennis Club at their initial meet-
isg last week.
The J. J. Sweeney Jewelry Company
has offered a silver loving cup to the
winner of the next tennis tournament
which is proposed for the near future.
Definite arrangements concerning s
golf tournament will be announced
Those desiring to belong to the club
see Coach French, sponsor.
(Continued from Page 1)
The tea table was in harmony with
the color scheme as it contained flowers and candles of gold and purple.
Mrs. Pearl C- Bender and Mrs. J.T.
Monroe assisted the hostesses in the
MAKING A MOVIE—
(Continued from Page 1)
hero drown trying to save the life of
his old mother who tried to kilt him?"
Yes-men: (In chorus), "Yes, Mr.
First executive: "Magnificent!"
Second executive: "Stupendous!"
Third executive: "Colossal!"
Mr. Schultzenheimer: "Mr. Murphy,
aside from a few minor changes, I am
sure that we shall be able to use your
scenerio. You have done excellent
work, sir, and I extend you my hearty
congra tul ations."
(News clipping): John Smith, scenerio writer brought to Hollywood from
New York, ran amuck in a conference
room of the Epic Studios, and seriously
injured Mr. Schultzenheimer, president
of the company, and six sub-ordinati
Insanity is thought to have been the
cause of the attack. Mr. Smith has
smiled and laughed constantly since
BY EVELYN COFFEY
First comes Mildred Learned who
commands our admiration.
And Mary Stephenson who fits the
Next is Wilma Lindsay—a fairer queen
In H. J. C. corridors has never been
We have our Allen twins, they're so
neat, sweet, and trim,
And Jessie Darling right behind, who
is his interest in?
Sissy O'Neale and Kathryn Munger-
what do those names mean to you'
Smartness in dress and personality
plus, can characterize these two.
Pat Foley, our mutual friend who just
doesn't seem to care.
Has decided at last to be roped in because he now combs his hair.
Chili Spencer and Richard Long are
next in line for praise,
We like their hair, we like their eyes,
and we even like their ways.
Beware, beware, 'tis a red-head coming there,
And it's Virginia Cotten who makes
'em all stare.
And last but not least as this masterpiece ends,
Leroy Melcher and Mac Douglas
who're everyone's friends.
EXCERPTS FROM DANNY
Marian Robinson is still being rushed off her feet by the dashing Warren
Frances Nesmith has fallen head
over heels in love again—gentleman
No matter what you've heard from
various chatter-sources, it is not true
that Fred Aebi and Wilma Lindsey are
ASSORTED SMALL STUFF FOR
WHAT IT'S WORTH
Fairfax Moody is still clicking merrily and wise-erackerly in and out her
Donald Aitken has a placid, gently
inquiring expression that makes his
face resemble nothing so much than
that of a good-natured horse.
I certainly could use my April
The Pi Beta's caught everything
from h— to measels for making their
pledges come ot school in shorts Fri
day evening. I, personally, think the
frat came out on top on account of
Mr. Dupre inviting them to become a
college activity. If the Pi Beta's accept the invitation they can go to town
in a large way.
Buddy Steeger called. But it was
the wrong number. Ain't it gosh-
And when the pesty sheik asked the
girlie if his kisses filled her with desire, Nell Wade reports that the girlie
said: "Yes! The desire to punch you
on the nose."
Harold Renfro brings the Garbo out
Down H. J. C.'s way there is a studious group—not much society. But
"if" society had its full sway, the
students whose names follow this
would be leaders(?)
Now "if" we had a May Fete, and
"if" we had a King and Queen, we'd
surely have Hamp Robinson and
"If" the fair ladies must be thrilled
by the fair saxophone player, then
Vernon Scott is in "if' society.
"If we had a Social Dictator, we'd
have Nora Louise Calhoun—pretty,
With Dynamite Billy loved to play,
To learn the things it teaches.
On Billy's tomb you can read today,
The inscription: "Rest in pieces.'
Bobby found a pint of rye
Beneath the flowing birch.
The papers give the who and where,
The time, and at what church.
Let's climb the fence to the football
The cops are too fat to budge.
won't have trouble, but just the
I'm glad my pop's a judge.
He saw a sign upon the door
That expressed a great deal of
It said, "Please don't spit on the floor,'
So he turned and spit on the
Robert was a baker's son,
Around banks he always lingers,
But like his father, sad to say,
The DOUGH stuck to his fingers.
Sing a Hym
For Alfred Glick,
He lost his wife's
Of all the sad surprises,
There's none that can compare,
With treading in the darkness
On a step that isn't there.
A little bear sat on the ice
As cold as cold could be,
And soon he ups and walks away,
"My tale is told," says he.
SHORTS AND SPATS
Believing all that one hears is not
so hot. Mack Douglas heard the wind
blowing last week and went outside in
his shirt sleeves. How that north wind
did laugh. It was a searching wind
according to Mack, it found all of him.
"Yes," said Fred Aebi, "I'm going to
turn over a new leaf and start scribbling again.
Upon hearing that Charlie Giraud
was looking for her "Shorty" Wilke
hid in a locker. Think of the resemblance to canned chicken half baked
Frances Jordan says that she will refuse to kiss any of her pupils if she
ever teaches a small school. What-a-
mistake; what-a-mistake. How about
a small college.
Being a natural sport, Mr. Rees like:
athletics, and comes into the gym to
play volleyball. We wish that more
of the faculty would join us in play.
Last year we had "Windy" Smith,
but what is worse, we now have "Tornado" Robinowitz.
The meanest men in the world: The
men at the end of the registration line
that will not O- K. our cards, thus
making us start at the end of the line
Mr. Birney has ceased to shoot bull
but he now kills one heck of a lot of
(Editor's note—The following letter
as found in a certain H- J- C. student's room, addressed to his folks in
Dear Pop and Mom and Family:
Well, something sure did happen to
me since the last time I wrote to you,
and I get all nervous and shaky every
time I think about it.
You know that Lucky Strike man
says the strong arm of the Federal
law reaches everywhere, and this
time it almost showed me how big its
When you sent me my allowance of
$1.10 this month, there was a 50-cent
piece in the change, so the other day
when I started to go to school, I handed it to the bus man. He looked at it
and said "Mister, this ain't no good."
I thought he was acting funny, you
know how those guys are, they think
that because they wear a uniform they
can act like General Pershing, so I says
to him, "If you dont like that one,
come over to my house, and I'll see if
we can't make you a better one."
He says, "you think you are smart,
don't you?" and I says, "No, sir, if I
was, I would have a job driving a
So when we got to town three cops
were waiting for me. They took me
over to the police station and started
asking me questions. They were real
nice except for that. Why, the way
they would try to catch me made me
feel bad all over. On every answer I
told them the straight truth, but it
even sounded like I was telling a big
lie to my own self. If it hadn't been
for one of those professors out at school
who stuck up for me, they would have
put me in the cooler right then.
Well, everything turned out all right
when they found out that I was ]ust
an old country boy and didn't know
any better—I never had done anything
like that before, so they let me go.
But please, Mom, the next time you
mail my allowance, please send it all
in pennies, so nobody will think that
I am trying to get a bus ride and 40
cents change for a hunk of lead with
"E Pluribus Unum" on it.
Your loving son,
popular, and altogether charming.
And "if" our Siamese Twins could
be labeled their names would be Ed
Smartt and Bob Stallings.
"If one reads "Twelfth Night," he
is sure to meet Malvalio and "if" one
goes to H. J. C. he is sure to meet
John Hill. Was it Malvalio or John
who became sick of self-love?
But as there is no society, I wish to
remind you that I said "If," and "if"
your feelings are hurt, try to forgive
(Continued from Page 1)
were being made as to an entertainment for the club.
One of the members, who is prominent around the school as a sergeant-
at-arms got up and with the air of
a Webster proclaimed thus: "I make
a motion we let this affair be a stag
party so we can get better acquainted
with each other."
Since the club was brand new, and
not many of the freshman members
were well-known, the suggestion met
with instant approval.
Then another member spoke up,
"Let's have the stag party at my
house on the bay."
"Got a piano?" somebody asked,
"Naw," the donor of the house snapped back, "But I've got a victrola and
a dozen decks of cards, plenty of beer,
and there ain't no neighbors in three
miles, so we can raise all the hell we
At this declaration up jumped Pat.
"I withdraw my motion," he shouted.
. . . "To heck with stag parties anyway."
We have certainly missed the genial
presence of Mr. Harris around the
school for the past few weeks. . . .
Haven't you? ,
Mr. Harris, it seems, has had two
relapses of the flu, and since just one
case almost blew us out, we can sympathize with the prof. Prof. O. W.
Rote did a fine job of pinch-hitting for
the amiable student association sponsor, and we congratulate him.
While congratulations are in order,
(Continued on Page 4)