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The Cougar, Vol. 3, No. 5, April 1930
File 003
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The Cougar, Vol. 3, No. 5, April 1930 - File 003. April 1930. University of Houston Libraries. University of Houston Digital Library. Web. May 27, 2020. https://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/10270243/item/139/show/137.

Disclaimer: This is a general citation for reference purposes. Please consult the most recent edition of your style manual for the proper formatting of the type of source you are citing. If the date given in the citation does not match the date on the digital item, use the more accurate date below the digital item.

(April 1930). The Cougar, Vol. 3, No. 5, April 1930 - File 003. Daily Cougar. University of Houston Libraries. Retrieved from https://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/10270243/item/139/show/137

Disclaimer: This is a general citation for reference purposes. Please consult the most recent edition of your style manual for the proper formatting of the type of source you are citing. If the date given in the citation does not match the date on the digital item, use the more accurate date below the digital item.

The Cougar, Vol. 3, No. 5, April 1930 - File 003, April 1930, Daily Cougar, University of Houston Libraries, accessed May 27, 2020, https://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/10270243/item/139/show/137.

Disclaimer: This is a general citation for reference purposes. Please consult the most recent edition of your style manual for the proper formatting of the type of source you are citing. If the date given in the citation does not match the date on the digital item, use the more accurate date below the digital item.

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Title The Cougar, Vol. 3, No. 5, April 1930
Alternative Title The Cougar, Vol. III, No. 5, April 1930
Contributor
  • Shepperd, Louise
Date April 1930
Language English
Description From masthead: "A monthly newspaper devoted to the interests of Houston Junior College. Published by the Journalism Department, Houston Junior College."
Subject
  • College student newspapers and periodicals
  • University of Houston
Place
  • Houston, Texas
Genre
  • newspapers
Type
  • Text
Identifier LH1.H6 C6; OCLC: 10270243
Collection
  • University of Houston Libraries Special Collections
  • University of Houston Archives
Rights In Copyright - Copyright Owner Unlocatable or Unidentifiable
Item Description
Title File 003
Transcript THE COUGAR -: JUST A PAGE OF COUGAR NONSENSE A BIT MIXED Mrs. Duggan asked her husband to copy the radio cooking reciepe one morning. Mr. Duggan did his best, but unfortunately got two stations on at the same time. One was broadcasting the morning exercise and the other the recipe. This is what Mr. Duggan wrote: "Hands on hips; place one cup of flour on the shoulders, raise knees and depress toes and wash thoroughly in one-half cup of milk. In four counts raise and lower the legs and mash two hardboiled eggs in a sieve. Repeat six times Inhale one-half tea- spoonful of baking powder and one cup of flour, breathe naturally and exhale and sift. "Attention! Jump to a squatting position and bend whites of eggs backward and forward overhead, and in flour counts make a stiff dough that will stretch at the waist. Lie flat on floor and roll into a marble the size of a walnut. Hop to a stand still and boil to a gallop afterward. In ten minutes reninve from fire and dry with a towel. Breathe naturally and dress in warm flannels and serve with fish soup." The absent-minded professor has been killed. He jumped from an airplane and didn't open the parachute because it wasn't raining. "Who is that terrible looking woman standing next to the door?' "That is my wife." "Er—er, I didn't mean her. I meant the young lady beside her. "That's my daughter." Well the market flop changea tbe old order of things a little—lots of people who were burning money yesterday are sifting ashes today. "Yes, I gave my boy friend the air." "How come?" "Oh, he signed up for that course in self management." Professor—Why are you beating around the bush? Student—I'm looking for an inspiration so 1 can lead niy class to tre> dom like Moses did. Two philosophers made a vow of silence. At the end of twenty-five years the first one said, "Isn't this silence beautiful?" There was again silence for twenty- five year, then the other said, "Yes, but don't spoil it with your chatter." "Gimme a marcelling iron and a hot tie of carbolic acid." "What are you going to do with them?" "I'm gonna curl up and die." Willie—I have an awful toothache. Tonimie—Id have it taken out if it was mine. Willie—Yes, if it was yours, I would too. Young Man—May I ask you, sir, if you think that your daughter would make a suitable wife? Lawyer McNab—1N0, sir, I dun't think she would. Five dollars, please. "Man oh man, Where did you get that funny dog?" "I'll have you know that this animal is a police dog." "You never saw a police dog that looked like that thing." "He's in the secret service " Rev. A|len (at baptism)—His name please? Mother—Reginald Earl Mortimer Percival Archibald Hoskins. * Rev. Allen (to assistant)—A little more water, please. Can I be your steady fellow? "If you were any steadier, you would be motionless." KINDNESS FIRST "What do you do when in doubt about kissing a girl?" "Give her the benefit of tbe doubt." SNAPPY ART Henry Peck—Do you think you can make a good portrait of my wife? Artist Schram—My friend. I can make it so lifelike you'll jump every time you see it. 'ant a parrot for company. Does this one use rough language?" "Lady, with this bird in the house U'd never miss your husband. Imagine the sad case of "Killer" Kelley, the star captain and fullback of the Atlantic pen, who was pardoned on the day before the big game with Sing Sing. 'That's just about the scythe (size) of it," said the stalk of wheat as the reaper struck it. She—When does a book become a classic ? He—When people who haven't read t begin to say they have, "How do you like Fannin Street?" "Oh! Is that a street? I thought that they were putting in an irrigation system." Teacher—Jimmy, what are the sins of omission ? Jimmy—They are the sins we should have committed—and didn't. Joe C.—Wassanaimauvitt? Joe P.—Sadickshunery, fullinaims. Pop's gonna gettaplecedog angottaget- tanainiferim. Mr. Harris—The doctor says I must quit smoking. One lung is nearly gone. Mrs. Harris—Oh dear! Can't you hold out until we get enough coupons for that dining jroom rug? Farmer Giles—We're planting ,iota- ■toes and onions alternately this year. Visitor—What's the big idea? Farmer Giles—So that tbe onions will make the eyes of the potatoes water and irrigate the soil. Coloma D.—My fiance said he nev'er saw anything smaller than my feet. (Never mind her name—I have! The shoes you wear! Mr. Miller—This theme has too many commas in It. Virginia R.—Oh, don't you like com- macal themes? Lucille—My how fa?* jonr heart is heating. It sounds Like a drum. Oliver—Yes, That is the ca'I to arms. Mother—Why didn't you call me when that Mr. Russ tried to kiss you? Maurine—He threatened me. Mother—Threatened ? Maurine—Yes, not to ki°g me any more. She -Golly, just look a; that man's chest development. He—Boloney. He got that bulge patting himself on the nack Mountain Guide—Re careful nut to fall here. It is dangerous. Bat if you do fall, remember to look to the left, you get a most wonderful view. Sixty-seven miles an hour were touched, but still the honking continued. At last, worn out, he slowed down and drew to one side of the road. "Come on, then, if you must pass," he cried. "I'm sorry," gasped the driver of the toy car, "but I'm hooked on." Prof. Van Zee: "Hey, that's no way to hoist a piano!" Foreman: "Do you own the piano?" Prof.: "No, I own the building." Foreman: "That's different; boys: be careful of them corners—bricks cost money!" Beans—What is the first thing to turn green in spring? Soup—I dunno, what? Beans—Christmas jewelry. Bing—1 heard that your old man died of hard drink. Ding—Yes, poor fellow, a cake of ice dropped on his head. Boy Scout (to old lady)—May I accompany you across the street. Old Lady—Certainly, sonny, how Hong have you been waiting here for some one to help you across the street. "You bore me corkscrew. "Never mind " said that," the cork to the ! the cork- screw, "1 get you out tight places." of '""" p'c,ty Photographer—Do you want s or small picture? R. E. Neil—A small one. Photographer—Then close mouth. trge Roy H.— Where shall we eat? Irene C—Let's eat up the street. Roy H.—Aw, no, I don't like asphalt. The MoupntainetT, published by the Schreiner Institute: BecattjQ a girl has dreamy eyes is no sign tiiat she is not wide awake. The French are sa.ii If. dislike distinctively American dish.es —such as French tried potatoes. Chicago will celebrate a "century of progress." From tomahawk t machine gun! A woman can't run as fast ay a man but she usually catches him. Here's some Laughin' Gas from the Jacksonville College Mirror: Motorcycle Cop — What's your name? Girl Autoist—Girlie-- what's youis? Joe Cain—Wliatcha.iriitna packgie? Joe Peabody—Sabook. Cy Shaw, who is known for his determination never to be overtaken, was going at a great speed one day when he heard an insistent "honking' behind him. He turned and saw, just on his hind wheels, a toy car, driven by a small boy. Back he turned to his wheel, down went the accelerator pedal, and rushed the speedometer. SAVING HIS FEET I "Why did that old gentleman jump Robert Maechel (singing): 'And for out of your way as you passed?" bonnie Annie Laurie I'd lay me down] "Oh, he used to be my dancing mas- • Willard Nesmith (rising). "Is Miss Laurie in the audience?" ter.' Hear about the Scotchman who The employer called his secretary.! would only buy an auto after the Here, John, look at this letter. I- dealer promised him free air and volunteered to throw in the clutch? And the first time he used free air he blew out four tires! Then there was the Scotchman who gave up golf for football because he thought a quarterback was a rebate. Also the canny Scot who cut off Shep's tail so that he wouldn't have to build a larger dog bouse. can't make out whether it's from my tailor or my lawyer. They're Dotn named Smith." And this is what John read: "I have begun your suit. Ready to be tried on Thursday. Smith."— Professor, going over examination papers, to student: "How do you account for your observation that nitrogen Is unknown in Ireland?" Student: "The textbook dlstin«tly says that nitrogen is not found la th*e free state!" "I hear you got a big raise from the fur company you're working for." "Yes, I invented five new names for rabbit." Miss Thomasin: "I have a friend who is a poet. What kind oi dook do you think would be appropriate to send him?" Emil Peterson: "A book of postage stamps." LESS—MORE Eat less—chew more. Ride less—walk more. Clothe less—bathe more. Worry less—work more. Idle less—think more. Go less—sleep more. Waste less—give more. Frown less—laugh more. Scold less—pray more. Talk less—think more. Preach less—practice more. MOTOR-LORRY ELEPHANTS Elephants, on aecount of their strength and sagacity can be made into excellent motor lorries! In Colombo (Ceylon) they are actually used as such, and have to carry a white front light and a red rear light. This was a recent ruling of the authorities, caused by the fact that on dark nights the motor-lorry elephants often contrived to mix themselves up with the traffic. Sometimes they would suddenly appear In a crowded thoroughfare, and motorists had great difficulty in avoiding a collision that would not have been pleasant for man, beast, or car. It is not stated If they have been trained to use their trumpet call in place of a motor born, but this, no doubt, will be the next step! EXCAVATORS MAKE A FIND "That ain't no Roman vawse." "Well, it's got Roman figures on it." "So 'as my watch." Golf Widow's Consoler—My band is away so much of the hus- Campus News Should your photograph appear in Who's Who in Campus News, there's a pair of Silk Wunderhose waiting for you at Munn's. It 's great to be young and wear Munn Clothes HOWARD BRANCH 4402 Crawford Street Voted the Most Popular Boy on the Campus W. C. Munn Company
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