-: JUST A PAGE OF COUGAR NONSENSE
A BIT MIXED
Mrs. Duggan asked her husband to
copy the radio cooking reciepe one
morning. Mr. Duggan did his best, but
unfortunately got two stations on at
the same time. One was broadcasting
the morning exercise and the other
the recipe. This is what Mr. Duggan
"Hands on hips; place one cup of
flour on the shoulders, raise knees
and depress toes and wash thoroughly in one-half cup of milk. In four
counts raise and lower the legs and
mash two hardboiled eggs in a sieve.
Repeat six times Inhale one-half tea-
spoonful of baking powder and one
cup of flour, breathe naturally and exhale and sift.
"Attention! Jump to a squatting
position and bend whites of eggs
backward and forward overhead, and
in flour counts make a stiff dough
that will stretch at the waist. Lie
flat on floor and roll into a marble
the size of a walnut. Hop to a stand
still and boil to a gallop afterward.
In ten minutes reninve from fire and
dry with a towel. Breathe naturally
and dress in warm flannels and serve
with fish soup."
The absent-minded professor has
been killed. He jumped from an airplane and didn't open the parachute
because it wasn't raining.
"Who is that terrible looking woman standing next to the door?'
"That is my wife."
"Er—er, I didn't mean her. I meant
the young lady beside her.
"That's my daughter."
Well the market flop changea tbe
old order of things a little—lots of
people who were burning money yesterday are sifting ashes today.
"Yes, I gave my boy friend the air."
"Oh, he signed up for that course in
Professor—Why are you beating
around the bush?
Student—I'm looking for an inspiration so 1 can lead niy class to tre> dom
like Moses did.
Two philosophers made a vow of silence. At the end of twenty-five years
the first one said, "Isn't this silence
There was again silence for twenty-
five year, then the other said, "Yes,
but don't spoil it with your chatter."
"Gimme a marcelling iron and a hot
tie of carbolic acid."
"What are you going to do with
"I'm gonna curl up and die."
Willie—I have an awful toothache.
Tonimie—Id have it taken out if it
Willie—Yes, if it was yours, I would
Young Man—May I ask you, sir, if
you think that your daughter would
make a suitable wife?
Lawyer McNab—1N0, sir, I dun't
think she would. Five dollars, please.
"Man oh man, Where did you get
that funny dog?"
"I'll have you know that this animal is a police dog."
"You never saw a police dog that
looked like that thing."
"He's in the secret service "
Rev. A|len (at baptism)—His name
Mother—Reginald Earl Mortimer
Percival Archibald Hoskins. *
Rev. Allen (to assistant)—A little
more water, please.
Can I be your steady fellow?
"If you were any steadier, you
would be motionless."
"What do you do when in doubt
about kissing a girl?"
"Give her the benefit of tbe doubt."
Henry Peck—Do you think you can
make a good portrait of my wife?
Artist Schram—My friend. I can
make it so lifelike you'll jump every
time you see it.
'ant a parrot for company.
Does this one use rough language?"
"Lady, with this bird in the house
U'd never miss your husband.
Imagine the sad case of "Killer"
Kelley, the star captain and fullback
of the Atlantic pen, who was pardoned on the day before the big game
with Sing Sing.
'That's just about the scythe (size)
of it," said the stalk of wheat as the
reaper struck it.
She—When does a book become a
He—When people who haven't read
t begin to say they have,
"How do you like Fannin Street?"
"Oh! Is that a street? I thought that
they were putting in an irrigation
Teacher—Jimmy, what are the sins
of omission ?
Jimmy—They are the sins we should
have committed—and didn't.
Joe P.—Sadickshunery, fullinaims.
Pop's gonna gettaplecedog angottaget-
Mr. Harris—The doctor says I
must quit smoking. One lung is
Mrs. Harris—Oh dear! Can't
you hold out until we get enough
coupons for that dining jroom
Farmer Giles—We're planting ,iota-
■toes and onions alternately this year.
Visitor—What's the big idea?
Farmer Giles—So that tbe onions
will make the eyes of the potatoes
water and irrigate the soil.
Coloma D.—My fiance said he nev'er
saw anything smaller than my feet.
(Never mind her name—I have! The
shoes you wear!
Mr. Miller—This theme has too
many commas in It.
Virginia R.—Oh, don't you like com-
Lucille—My how fa?* jonr heart is
heating. It sounds Like a drum.
Oliver—Yes, That is the ca'I to
Mother—Why didn't you call me
when that Mr. Russ tried to kiss you?
Maurine—He threatened me.
Maurine—Yes, not to ki°g me any
She -Golly, just look a; that man's
He—Boloney. He got that bulge
patting himself on the nack
Mountain Guide—Re careful nut to
fall here. It is dangerous. Bat if you
do fall, remember to look to the left,
you get a most wonderful view.
Sixty-seven miles an hour were
touched, but still the honking continued.
At last, worn out, he slowed down
and drew to one side of the road.
"Come on, then, if you must pass,"
"I'm sorry," gasped the driver of
the toy car, "but I'm hooked on."
Prof. Van Zee: "Hey, that's no
way to hoist a piano!"
Foreman: "Do you own the piano?"
Prof.: "No, I own the building."
Foreman: "That's different; boys:
be careful of them corners—bricks
Beans—What is the first thing to
turn green in spring?
Soup—I dunno, what?
Bing—1 heard that your old man
died of hard drink.
Ding—Yes, poor fellow, a cake of
ice dropped on his head.
Boy Scout (to old lady)—May I
accompany you across the street.
Old Lady—Certainly, sonny, how
Hong have you been waiting here for
some one to help you across the
"You bore me
cork to the
! the cork-
screw, "1 get you out
Photographer—Do you want s
or small picture?
R. E. Neil—A small one.
Roy H.— Where shall we eat?
Irene C—Let's eat up the street.
Roy H.—Aw, no, I don't like asphalt.
The MoupntainetT, published by the
BecattjQ a girl has dreamy eyes is
no sign tiiat she is not wide awake.
The French are sa.ii If. dislike distinctively American dish.es —such as
French tried potatoes.
Chicago will celebrate a "century
of progress." From tomahawk t machine gun!
A woman can't run as fast ay a man
but she usually catches him.
Here's some Laughin' Gas from the
Jacksonville College Mirror:
Motorcycle Cop — What's your
Girl Autoist—Girlie-- what's youis?
Joe Cain—Wliatcha.iriitna packgie?
Cy Shaw, who is known for his determination never to be overtaken,
was going at a great speed one day
when he heard an insistent "honking'
He turned and saw, just on his hind
wheels, a toy car, driven by a small
Back he turned to his wheel, down
went the accelerator pedal, and
rushed the speedometer.
SAVING HIS FEET
I "Why did that old gentleman jump
Robert Maechel (singing): 'And for out of your way as you passed?"
bonnie Annie Laurie I'd lay me down] "Oh, he used to be my dancing mas-
• Willard Nesmith (rising). "Is Miss
Laurie in the audience?"
Hear about the Scotchman who
The employer called his secretary.! would only buy an auto after the
Here, John, look at this letter. I- dealer promised him free air and volunteered to throw in the clutch?
And the first time he used free air
he blew out four tires!
Then there was the Scotchman who
gave up golf for football because he
thought a quarterback was a rebate.
Also the canny Scot who cut off
Shep's tail so that he wouldn't have to
build a larger dog bouse.
can't make out whether it's from my
tailor or my lawyer. They're Dotn
And this is what John read: "I have
begun your suit. Ready to be tried
on Thursday. Smith."—
Professor, going over examination
papers, to student:
"How do you account for your observation that nitrogen Is unknown
Student: "The textbook dlstin«tly
says that nitrogen is not found la th*e
"I hear you got a big raise from
the fur company you're working for."
"Yes, I invented five new names
Miss Thomasin: "I have a friend
who is a poet. What kind oi dook
do you think would be appropriate to
Emil Peterson: "A book of postage
Eat less—chew more.
Ride less—walk more.
Clothe less—bathe more.
Worry less—work more.
Idle less—think more.
Go less—sleep more.
Waste less—give more.
Frown less—laugh more.
Scold less—pray more.
Talk less—think more.
Preach less—practice more.
Elephants, on aecount of their
strength and sagacity can be made
into excellent motor lorries! In Colombo (Ceylon) they are actually
used as such, and have to carry a
white front light and a red rear light.
This was a recent ruling of the authorities, caused by the fact that on
dark nights the motor-lorry elephants
often contrived to mix themselves up
with the traffic. Sometimes they
would suddenly appear In a crowded
thoroughfare, and motorists had
great difficulty in avoiding a collision
that would not have been pleasant
for man, beast, or car.
It is not stated If they have been
trained to use their trumpet call in
place of a motor born, but this, no
doubt, will be the next step!
EXCAVATORS MAKE A FIND
"That ain't no Roman vawse."
"Well, it's got Roman figures on it."
"So 'as my watch."
Golf Widow's Consoler—My
band is away so much of the
Should your photograph appear in Who's
Who in Campus News, there's a pair of Silk
Wunderhose waiting for you at Munn's.
It 's great to be young and
wear Munn Clothes
4402 Crawford Street
Voted the Most Popular Boy on the Campus
W. C. Munn