T H E C 0 U G A R
Of The Houston Junior College
Houston, Texas Established 1928
Published semi-monthly during the
college year. Subscriptions, $1 per
year. Single copies, 10 cents.
Managing Editor _ _J., Marks
News Editor _ __I_, p. Marshall
Assistant News Editors Lucy Tailey
Faculty Advisor F. E. Birney
Sport Editor ..._ V. F. Harrison
Feature Editor James Julian
- Literary Editor ..... . Mary Jane Fly
Humor Editor _._ Ruth Depperman
Exchange Editor. Wenonah Phelps
Harry Phillips, Gladys Howard, James
Page, N. C. Jensen, Eugene Heard,
Margaret Macey, Wilma Lindsay, Wal-
What Do We Need?
You sludents of the Houston Junior
college are literally dead on your feet,
if the statements of most of the faculty members are to be believed.
"Why," you immediately ask, "does
this lifeless atmosphere continually
hang in a pall around our college?
Why do we lack the pep, vim, and
vigor that other colleges have"
Some of us think that it is because
we are a night school. Others place
the cause on our lack of proper facilities. Still others say it is because the
majority of us work hard in the daytime, and are too tired to show much
interest when we come to school. The
more athletical-minded propose
sports as a remedy, while still more
want less home work.
Surely one of these complaints is the
"key-letter." The question is now
We of The Cougar believe that the
Junior college should sponsor more
athletics. In answer, the faculty will
show us how in the past, when the college had a football and a baseball team,
only a bare handful of students gave
them any support, and theh, it was
The Cougar proposes that Mr. Dupre
let the college have a baseball team
and enter it in one of the various city
amateur leagues. Talent at the college
is not lacking, and it wouldn't hurt to
give the proposition a fair trial.
Mr. Miner promises to give his
hearty support to the project, and all
that is needed is the help of the students. And in the words of Cy Shaw,
"That's a heckuva lot!"
Advice to Freshmen
Well, slimes, here you are in college
and good luck to you. You need it.
Of course you arc high school graduates and know everything there is to
know about everything, but here is a
few pointers that should help you.
(1) Don't buy any elevator tickets.
Unscrupulous sophomores like Marion
Adams and Fred Aebi have been
known to sell elevator tickets to
frosh who thought they were as smart
(2) Don't lend any money to classmates or fraternity brothers. It doesn't
make you popular, it makes a goat out
of you. Last year Cy Shaw "heisted"
the freshmen out of enough money to
buy himself a Ford coupe.
(3) Avoid all get - rich - quick
schemes. Don't let anyone sell you
the school, library or cafeteria. Stay
clear of any syndicate gambling organizations. Take the case of Lee Stone.
Last September he thought he was a
smart freshman, but what happened.
He "invested" some money in a Mexican jumping-bean race and the beans
turned out to be ordinary kidney
beans. Lee was "taken" for the grand
sum of three cents, which amount was
t pocketed by the shrewd Bill Jeter.
' (4) Don't buy any health cards.
Wise sophs like Renfro and Macfee inform some unbeknowing, helpless slime
As a special feature for this issue of
The Cougar, we are glad to give you
a resume of what was happened in the
Houston Junior college one year ago.
This little column will be especially
pleasing to the old dogs who remember the events, and also to the freshmen who will be glad to see the rapid
strides that the institution has taken
in one year.
Our scribe perused and looked all
over The Cougar files and the following is what he heads: "Highlights of
a Low Year."
"Nothing But the Truth" was presented by the John E. Bender Dramatic club in the school auditor ii
Wednesday night, February 5, 1931.
The cast consisted of Warren Lemmon,
Phyllis Workman, Jane Witherspoon,
Harvey Richards, Kenneth Phillips,
Jim Bertrand, Albert Kindel, Gladys
Jacobs, Lucille Cafcalas, and Nora
Louise Calhoun. The play was directed by H. V. Nigro.
Officers of The Cougar Collegians for
the spring term of 1931 are Genevieve
Weldon, president; Rena Mai Butler,
vice president; Lucille Cafcalas, secretary; Hazel Taylor, treasurer. The new
officers will assume their new duties
at the next meeting of the sorority.
The co-ed basketball team of the
Junior college has experienced a ver;T
successful season up to this date. The
girls have defeated Humble Oils, Rice
institute, Dr. Peppers, Baptist temple,
West End Baptist church and several
other outstanding teams in the city.
The team is coached by Mr. Pease and
Flood lights have been installed on
the Junior college campus to stop the
draining of gasoline from parked cars.
Definition of sophomores—a group of
old men and women spending anywhere from their fourth to sixth year
Houston Junior college leads the
state in enrollment with 730 students.
Senator Woodul introduces a bill in
the state senate providing for state aid
to the Junior college.
Mid-term students entertained with
a dance in the school gym.
Junior college debaters enter Texas
Junior College Public Speaking association.
OUR HONOR ROLL—
that they can not use the drinking
fountain unless they have a health
permit. The slime goes to "Dr." Warren Lemmon who examines them and
gives them a health certificate for a
(5) Let no one sell you a pass out
rain check. Windy Smith usually
sells enough pass out checks to pay
his tuition. He tells the new studes
they can not get back in the building
unless they have one of his rain
checks. That's hooey. Don't buy his
pass out checks—buy mine.
(6) Don't let anyone give you per-
ission to "sock" their brother. You
might be told that the brother will
laugh, but you will be embarrassed
when the so-called brother turns out
to be a professor. Messrs. Bishkin and
Harris look more like studes than they
(7) Don't'lend anyone your tux. It
will be returned to you looking shabby
and the knees will be bulging so that
the next time you wear it, you will
look like you have ball-bearing joitns
or warts on your knees.
(8) When eating in the cafeteria, if
you get some sour milk, don't hop up
and try to be smart by shouting:
'The contented cows are getting sar-
(9) Don't try to advertise that you
are a college man. You can easily be
dentified by your raccoon coat, slipover sweater, sloucby garterless socks,
baggy Omar - the - tent - maker golf
knickers and a dull, listless tone in
your voice when you recite "Out, out
brief candle. Life is but a walking
(10) Be polite. Last year Leon
Green was making application in the
office for admittance into the H. J. C.
The dean leered at Green's illegible
writing and said he couldn't read it.
Green responded: "H—1, I ain't responsible for your education."
EDITOR'S NOTE: Each issue, The
Cougar will add names to its Honor
Roll. The basis of judgment in naming persons on this roll is their "all
aroundness." We will welcome any
Allyne has hopes of becoming a doctor. Her spare moments are devoted
to assisting Mrs. Shearer in the management of the library. Her favorite
pastimes are reading, swimming, and
dancing. When interviewed she admitted her most thrilling experience
was being given a pink ticket for making a left-turn on Main street. Allyne
coolly confessed that she is in love.
This is her second year at Junior College.
V. F. (RIP) HARBISON
Rip is the sport editor of The Cougar
and he is a good one, too. He writes
similar to Grantland Eice, but it is
generally understood that Rip is the
better of the two. He is majoring in
journalsm and smokes an odd-shaped
pipe, and girls just love a man who
smokes a pipe. He is a good basketball player, but being the sport editor
he thinks it is a bad policy to mention
himself in his writeups. Don't be so
modest, Rip, give yourself a break. He
enjoys horseback riding as long
can manage to stay on lop.
She can always easily be identified
by her dazzling pretty red hair. Ber-
nice intends to be a concert organist
and instructor of music on the piano.
She says she knows the meaning of
such words as contortuplicate, testace-
ology, supralaposarianism, and conta-
•. Her hobbies are dancing and
swimming. She is a sophomore.
MRS. BESSIE EBAUGH
Mrs. Ebaugh is now teaching her
second year at Junior college. She
specializes in freshman English, a hard
, which she makes easier and
interesting. She received her
master's degree from Columbia and
bachelor's degree at Tulane. She
enjoys reading, and probably has no
peer in being well-versed.
Mr. Miner is one of Junior college's
most ardent boosters. No matter what
kind of an affair is given—just so long
as it is H.J.C.—he always attends. Last
year at the football gaems he was always present and cheering the team
on. In years gone by he has spent
much of his time soliciting adds for
The Cougar, for which he received no
compensation—save the fact that he
was serving the school. He spends his
spare time studying international problems and current history. He holds a
master's degree from Columbia university.
Have you heard that Nelda Smith,
winner of the beauty contest, has signed a contract to be Robert Montgomery's leading lady at $5000 per week,
in a picture called Soulmates? Well, we
haven't heard it either, but it may be
Gordon Jones is in
selling one of these
medicines. He calls
Swamp Root, Jungle
QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS
BY BETTY COVINGTON
Really it is surprising how curious,
or should I say "nosey," the students
of H. J. C. are. Questions have been
coming in by the thousands, but of
it would be an impossibility to
print all of them, and since the purpose of this column is to answer the
most vital questions, or in other words,
give the low down on any problems
concerning students and professors "of
this college, have chosen the following:
1. Now that leap year is here, will
Rena Mai Butler and Clyde Smalley
2. What does Murray Hartt attribute
his personality to?
3. Does Windy Smith ever get drunk,
or do his plans always fall through?
4. Why is Irwin Eurbank's hair so
Who furnished the flowers for
Christine Fitzgerald at the Fiji Island
play given in assembly Wednesday
6. Did George Gayle hurt his back
seriously when he fell last Monday
7. What girl will win the beauty
8. Why doesn't Warren Lemon stick
, one girl, instead of giving 'em all
9. Why does the faculty censor all
the good jokes we attempt to give our
10. Who is the handsome young man
who visits Junior college occasionally
who resembles Clark Gable in a distant way?
Find the answers in the last column.
it "Dr. Jones'
Strength, Fragrant Odor Brain Tonic." Besides be-
idicine that will cure all ills
and makes the blood ting like a giant
jewsharp, it can be used for a paint
remover, after-shaving lotion, mange
cure, shoe polish, furniture polish, antifreeze solution, a good substitute for
paste, makes fine flavoring for pies and
cakes, and if it is put in the water
pipes it will keep them from rusting.
One bottle of this will grow hair on
bald heads, make you pass all your
courses, bring you happiness and make
you lucky in love. And you don't
have to take my word for it—here it
written on the bottle label. How
many bottles, please?
Rosemary Lawrence says she never
saw a mosquito cry, but she has seen
a moth ball (or maybe bawl).
Virginia Cotten thinks its tough to
pay 50 cents for steak. It's a lot
tougher if you only pay 25 cents,
T. B. Ellis:
T. B. E.: "A
'Do you drink?"
'That's my business."
i, a professional."
There never has been an absent-
minded prof who forgot to flunk someone.
From a newspaper account of an auto
wreck: "The accdent bruised her somewhat and hurt her otherwise.'
She was only a pugilist's step-child,
but she knocked 'em cold.
"Hard-boiled guys," asserts Evelyn
Cochran, "are usually about half
One way to keep your wife at home
-nail her to the floor.
Jacob Abraham Weinstein is going to
change his name. The other day he
a court room and the judge
lined him $50 for perjury.
A local woman spent $50 last year
for corsets. What a waist.
Arthur Burns is so mean that he
would put a tack in an electric chair.
If a father sends his first son to college, that is his duty. If he sends his
second son he must be crazy.
Edmundo "Moose" Gonzales thinks
it is better to have loved and lost than
to be a hen-pecked husband.
L. B. Manry wouldn't marry a girl
for money—he's afraid he will lose his
A. Marks, our blossoming cartoonist,
recently entered an art contest. He
says no one won—it was a draw.
The co-ed who smokes: "Let the rest
of the world go buy."
She was only a life savers daughter,
but she knew all the dives in town.
One way to become a good judge of
human nature is to patronize the cafeteria. Most of the students act there
like they do at home. t
Correct this sentence: "My pupils,"
said the English instructor, "usually
prefer to read classic literature."
Alas! You can tell the extent of a
student's ambition by his punctuality.
The modern co-ed: Howling because
the lessons are so long; complaining
because her boy friend leaves early.
But if a good journalist is one who
appreciates humor, why doesn't an
editor reflect on "his humor" in ad-
A most astounding problem has come
before the students of Junior college.
It was discovered that a physics class
back in 1880 left a question concerning the relativity of time to time unsettled! It is well known that Mr.
Schumann never leaves any doubt in
anybody's mind about anything (oh,
no), so certainly this question must be
A cat had been much praised on the
beauty of his claws, so deciding that
he would show that the claws were
good for other things than being looked
at, he took it upon himself to demonstrate their power by climbing a glass
pole. He started early one morning to
accomplish the difficult task, and by
dint of much effort, he struggled up
three feet of the way during the day,
then took time out for the night. But
poor kitty; during he night he slipped
back two feet, and so, awoke the next
morning to find that he was only one
foot up the pole. Slightly discouraged, but determined, he struggled on
and cilmbed up three more feet during
the second day, and again slipped back
two feet every night. Now thd unsettled queston is: If the pole is 10 feet
high, how many days will it take the
cat to reach the top?
See if you can answer the question
for that old physics class of 1880, and
if you can, write it on a piece of paper
with your name attached, and put it in
Mr. Birney's box at the office, from
where it will be forwarded to every
member of that aforesaid class.
I regret to say that those who hand-
1 in the correct solution to the last
puzzle forgot to sign their names to
their answers, consequently I can not
give the names here. Don't forget your
ne this time, and hand in a solution
somebody can see that you are
among the smart people at Junior college. The correct answer to the last
puzzle—Smith painted six more posts
than Jones did.
ANSWERS TO THE QUESTION
1. I hardly think so. Rena Mai is
2. He reads the Ballyhoo.
3. The cork sometimes pops off and
hits him, and in that case he does.
4. He uses Jean Harlowe's recipe.
5. Jamail & Jamail, "Fruits and vegetables of all kinds."
6. He didn't fall on his back.
7. The most beautiful girl.
8. His opinion is that one "Lemon
squeeze" is sufficient.
9. They are very selfish, because
after reading the jokes themselves—to
- with the students.
. "Cotton" Williams.
There seems to be a theory prevalent among some educators that pedigree plays its part in one's career; and
that one can not rise above his ancestors. Thus, if your father is a janitor, all you can do is to get a brush
and besin to scrub.
The young law student, searching the
library for a volume called "Syllabus,"
can, no doubt, make progress by consulting the dictionary.
Consideration pupils have for one another, warrants silence in the library.
A test: Something dreaded, but for
which no precautions are taken.
A good faculty is a body composed
of philosophers, diplomats and admin-
The goat's not my favorite mammal;
Mr. Ghandi dotes on it I know.
's milk is nutritious,
And doubtless delicious,
But I don't like the critter's B. O.
Pat Foley: There are several things
can always count on.
Malcolm P.: What are they?
Pat F.: My fingers.
Jean W.: I'll have you know I'm related to the Boones.
Porita G.: Now I remember, your
grandmother's name was Bab.
Old Lady: I wouldn't cry like that,
my little man.
Boy: Cry as you damn please, this is