THE CO UGAR
"We all wants you to come to our
party tonight, Mandy,"
■'Ah cain't, Sambo, Ah Is got a case
"Come along anyways, Mandy, and
bring it wld ya. Those niggers'll
Isaac: You should pull the curtains
down ven you kiss your wife. I saw
you last night.
Abia: Ha! the choke's on you. I
vasn't home last night.
A young man was lying on the operating table awaiting i
Doctor (to attendant): Bring in
Patient (jumping up). No, Doctor,
don't bring a woman in here.
Oh. tell me, please, for goodness'
Must night fall, because day breaks?
Must fleas fly because flies flee?
Must ships have eyes when they go
Must pens be pushed and pencils
Must there be springs in tbe ocean
Hut, most of all, I want an answer,
Is a busy-body a hula dancer?
' said old Link, "business
is good. Ah bought a pig for ten dollars, traded the pig for a calf, traded
the calf for a bicycle, and sold the
bicycle for ten dollars."
"But yo' don' makes nothin'. Link!"
"Sho 'nough, but look at the business Ah been in!"
Little Jack Horner stood on a corner
Watching the girls go by;
He tipped his lid to a cute little kid,
And she gave him a sock in the eye.
A sock on
in the eye!
the foot is worth two
Soph: dome on, take a bath, and
I'll get you a date.
Frosh (cautiously): Yeah, and suppose you don't get the date?
"I seem to have run out of gas," he
said and rnutered to himself, "Here
is where I have to do 'some fast
The girl's face, small and white,
was turned to his, and eyes glowed
dizzily from beneath heavy lids. Her
red lips were parted and she sighed
He bent over her—
He yanked out her tooth—he was
During the World War a very patriotic old lady was passing a farmer's
barn one day. She observed a young
farmer bby milking a cow; be looked
old enough to be in the army, and
sho was indignant at finding him on
"Why aren't you at the front?"
asked the indignant old lady.
"Cause there ain't no milk at that
He: "If you keep on looking at me
like that I'm going to kiss you."
She: "Well, I can't hold this expression much longer."
Country Girl: "Out here on the
ranch we ride horses bareback."
City Girl: "Oh, I should think the
sun would blister you horribly."
"What is that?" asked the condemned murderer, pointing to the
death warrant in the wardens hand-
"That? Oh, that's a noosepaper."
"How did you happen to take that
poison? Didn't you read the sign on
the bottle? It said 'Poison'."
"Yassah, but I didn't believe it.'
"Cause right underneaf It was a
sign which said, 'Lye'."
Housewife: Don't bring me any
more of that horrid milk—it is positively blue.
Milkman: Can't help it, lady; it's
these long, dull evenings as make the
cows depressed.—Rice Owl.
Th young woman had just returned
to her rural home after an extended
visit to the city. She was exhibiting
the contents of her wardrobe to her
mother who had bought her clothes
for forty years at the general store.
"And these," said tbe young lady
holding up a delicate silken garment,
"are tedd es."
"Teddy's? You don't say. Young
men certainly are different from whal
they used to be!"—Orange Peel.
Little Rollo (aged seven): 'Mama,
where did I come from?"
Mama: "Why, the stork brought
L. R.: "Where did you come from?"
The stork brought me,
School Board Decision Brings
About Speedy Erection of
Lights; Spirit of Co-operation
With the click of a switch, night
football practice was inaugurated at
Houston Junior college, Tuesday
night, September 30 ,at 8:30 o'clock.
The initial night football practice
found about 38 prospects ou the field.
The noctural practices w II enable
more aspirants to turn out, because
any students work during tbe day.
Night practice will also give the
Cougars a better chance to bid for
football honors, since it affords long-
ind peppier pract'ces.
he Houston Junior college is indebted to Mr. William Kirkland, vice
president of the school board, for
the spot-lights on the field. He has
shown lots of interest In the Junior
college, and especially the athletic
Strange Desert DWeUer APPOINTMENTS MADE
Makes Friends ot Reptiles „..„m„
To Ward off Loneliness m OFFICIAL POSTS
A strange desert dweller who
makes friends of reptiles to ward
off loneliness was encountered by
a Houston Junior college student
during a vacation trip last summer. Following is his account of
L, R.: 'And where did Grandma
and Grandpa come from?"
Mama: "The stork brought them,
Little Rollo then sat down at his
little green desk with ducks painted
all over it. and began to write.
"In so far as I hae been able to ascertain, the origin of myself and family for the past two generations has
been of a most unusual nature!"
She: Say something soft and sweet
to me, dearest.
He: Lemon custard pie.
My dear, last night I got a thrill
And here my story I will spill.
I dated with a sophomore lad,
A lowly fish like me. Too bad
They know so much and me so dumb—
The dumber the belter tbo' for some.
1 wonder what it's all about;
Just give me fme and I'll find out.
Now, could he neck? Well, I should
And in the most surprising way—
He didn't hurt, he didn't paw,
'Twas method rare without a flaw,
He must have practiced nights and
Or course he's well within his rights,
But I was bored to tears my dear.
I'll never fal for him, I fear.
But, Oh, I've met a fish divine!
I think he'll take up all my time.
He's handsome, tall and very dark- -
I met him out in Hermann park.
He was so very crude and slow;
He learned it in high school, I know.
He didn't even hold me right;
He grappled me, my hat took flight;
My hair came down, my lips were
I opened an eye and out 1 ppered.
And then I knew I had my wish—
I'd found a cave man in a "fish."
ON'30 COUGAR STAFF
Responsible Positions Filled
By Experienced Journalists;
Paper to Be Entered In
All day long my friend and I had
motored over the white, hot desert un-
blazing sun that ran the thermometer up into the twenties above
the hundred mark. A slight breeze
fanned our cheeks, but it brought no
relief; it was like the breath of a
furnace. To the right of the trail,
shimmering in the sun as far as the
eye could reach, were the calm, lifeless waters of the Salton Sea.
Not a living creature was in sight;
truly it wag a land of death. "What I
can't understand, is how the forty-
niners got across to California with
their ox carts," remarked my com- ;
panion as he reached for the thermos I
jar of ice water.
At the close of the day's nil
the sun looking like an angry, red ball I of the &
of fire just ready to slip over the ' ior year.
horizon, we drew up and stoppe dat a I During his freshman year at Texas
lonely filling station—a shack, a gas ; A. and M. Mr. Nesmith was a regular
service pump, and a few1 stinted palm contributor to the Battalion and was
trees giving scanty shade. : to have held an important office on
"We'd like tod camp here for the the staff of that paper had he return-
night, if you don't mind," I said to ed to school in 1929. He is now em-
the under-sized pleasant-faced man ; ployed as a Chronicle sports reporter,
who appeared at the door of the shack, j Everet Kendall has been appointed
"Sure," he said heartily. "If it wasn't I business manager of the Cougar and
for my pets, and my trips down to will aid the editor materially in the
Yuma for water and supplies, and you preparation of the paper editorially,
tourists, I'm afraid I'd get just a little
The Junior College student-body
will welcome announcements made
public today by Fred R. Birney and
Wallace H, Miner, faculty advisors of
the school-paper, of the appointment
members to fill important of-
the editorial and business
staff of the Cougar.
The important office of editor-in-
chief has been filled by R. Willard
Nesmith who has had much experience in the publication of sehool-
papers and various other publications.
Ith was ed tor and founder
Mercurlous, Reagan High
School's official paper. He was also
editor of the Pennant, the yearbook
institutin, during his sen-
, Kendall has had a great deal (
xperience in journalistic work i
"Pets—what sort of pets do you , °\h™[ citiea_aml *» P!.rt^ula.r'y_ Ca.?a'
have out here?" I asked. "Come and
see for yourselves," be replied as he
in regard to the publication of i
Miss Maurine Reach is to occupy
here were "some" enclosures I the Position of issue editor in which
capacity he w.l direct the assignment of stories for each succeedng
issue. Miss Keach is thoroughly capable of directing the reportorial staff
cf the Cougar,
Misses Margaret Boyett, Feme
Sweeney, and Lois Duff have been
appointed heads of the various editorial departments. Announcements
will be made later concerning appointments to other offices.
Fred R. Birney has announced
led the way to the rear o fthe shack I
made of finely woven wire. Inside we
could see several giant rattlesnakes
which regarded us steadily with their
venomous looking, beady eyes.
--"Of course them snakes are all right,
but they ain't the kind of pets that
you get real chummy with, like Oscar
here, for instance," said the man as
he picked.up a fat lizzard about afoot
Jong, and began to stroke it. "I first
intended to feed Oscar to the snakes.
But when I put him in the pen, he
just lay down and shut his eyes,'and ! ,hat he J',S such confidence in the
looked sort of helpless and pitiful In I ,,ew staff t,lat he wiU make the ne^s-
there with them old rattlers, that ! sary Prel)arat^s to enter the Cougar
"i various competitions and contests
here the local paper will be In corn-
He: Something seems to he wrong
with the engine, it—
She: Don't be foolish; wait until ;
we get off tbe main road.
Shakespearean student speaking to
a new librarian: "Do you have Lamb's
New Librarian: "You might try a
Reeky: "Do you really lofe me,
Isaac: "Vot a kvestion. Doant I let
you sit on my lep and spoil the
creases from my pents?"
A knowing friend tells us that Ten
Nights in a Barroom Is the story of
;\ Scotchman waiting for someone to
buy the drinks.
Visitor: "We're getting up a raffle
for a poor old man. Won't you buy
a ticket, my dear?"
Genevieve Weldon: "Mercy, no!
What would I do with him if I won
Mrs.: "I'm getting stouter all the
Mr.: "Yes, I little realized when I
married you that I was getting you
on the Installment plan."
It was a fine, sunshiny Sunday
morning and Pat had brought his
shaving tools out on the porch.
Mrs. McGinnis looked over the
"Sure, Mrs. Murphy, does your old
man shave on the outside?"
"And what is bothering you?" asked Mrs. Murphy. "Did you think he
wuz fur lined?"
Sue Sellingslo: "I'm so mad I
could quit speaking to you forever."
Kent Schwartz: "Well, get a little
Solicitor for Charity Organization.
"What do you do with your cast-oft*
Mr. Russ: "Why, ah, I hang them
un carefully and go to bed. Then In
the morning I put them on again."
Opal Beane claims most girls have
a sinking feeling whenever they see
a good looking life guard.
Terry Russ: "Why so gloomy, old
Joe Peabody: "Just heard my uncle
has cut me out ot his will. He's
altered it five times in the last two
Terry Russ: "Probably a fresh-heir
Milford Smith: "Be careful. I juat
hit my crazy hone."
Joe Windship' "Don't worry. Your
head can stand a little thing like
TRIALS OF PARENTHOOD
Spring, glorious spring, bringing
that delicious inner urge to do things,
led young Mrs. Marston to her flower
beds, where she began busily digging and planting, thinking of the riot
of color her flower beds would be in
a few short weeks.
Her sturdy son of five, busily engaged In tormenting a legless grasshopper, was also doing some thinking
about the lovely new baby sister his
playmate had received.
"Mother," said he, "Where do little
baby sisters and brothers come from?"
Mrs. Marston, Inspecting the black
loam and the packets of seed at her
"Why, Tommy, babies are grown In
beautiful gardens, like the roses and
Forgetting the child's question, she
handed him a small packet of seed
"Here, Tommy, old fellow, plant a
garden over there by Mother's rockery; that Is just the place for it."
Tommy diligently prodded, planted
and grubbed in the soil until he was
called in and put Into bis comfy bed.
Bright and early the following
morning he hurried to his garden
patch and gazed with horrified eyes
at an ugly toad who croaked at him
from a dew moistened rock.
Finally, with a deep sigh, Tommy
said, in anguish:
"You ugly beast! If I wasn't your
daddy, I'd stomp you!"
Melfonl Smith: "I think she's as
pretty as she can be."
Frances E. Smith: "Most girls
Marjorie Boyett: "Don't you know
there are germs in kissing."
Bill Hill; "Say, girlie, when I kiss,
I kiss bard eniugh to kill the germs."
I took pity on him and rescued him.
He's been following me around the
i shack ever since." After a few questions we discovered that Oscar belonged to that family of reptiles
known locally as "chuckwallas" which
is harmless and which has, as nearly
as any reptile can have, the characteristics of a warm-blooded household pet.
"You see it was like this," continued Oscar's master, "the doctors
sent me out here for my health years
ago. At first it was pretty tough.
But now, with Oscar and my other
pets, and my work to supply the tourists, I'm kept busy and contented.
petition with school papers from all
parts of the state and nation.
SILVER SERVICE FOR
Beginn'ng Thursday morning, Sep-
ember 9, the beautiful silver service
o be presented to the cruiser
'Houston" will be on exhibit at the
Come to think of it, I wouldn't trade j store of L. Lechenger, Post-Dispatch
places with anybody that Uvea in a | Building, for a I'ml ted period of time.
A little later we spread our blankets
,on the White sand under stars that
were as bright as moonlight. The
breeze that rustled the palms had lost
lost its heat and was now delightfully
cool and refreshing. "After all, success isn't in having a lot of things,"
remarked my companion, sleepily, as
he settled himself in his blankets.
"Success is contentment. If this desert man's contented with what he's
got. then I've got no kick coming."
His voice trailed off Into slumber. "I
guess you're right, at that," said I,
as I raised on one elbow to hear the
wail of a coyote far off in the dim,
FOR ACTIVE YEAR
As a result of the sophomore class
meeting held October 8, four new officers for the class of 1931 were
Robert McCullough, rreshman president of last year, was re-e'e: ted to
the leading office of his class; B 11
JeL.r. vice president; Adele Drenkle,
The elaborate service consists of
56 pieces of solid silver, hand-
wrought and hanu-etched. The design is influenced by old Spanish m's-
sions of Texas, the magnolia, official
flower of the city of Houston, and
General Sam Houston, for whom the
city vas named.
A staff of silver ar.isans have been
at work on ;t in tbe factory of the
International Silver Company at
Wallingford, Connecticut, for nc:irly
a year. As an example of craftsmanship in precious metal, it is outstanding. Some conceding it to be
' the finest silver service ever presented to an American ship.
This exhibit will, appeal to every
Houstonian for one can not help be-
;ng proud of the fact that one of
Uncle Sam's new fighting craft has
honored him by taking the name cf
By the courtesy of L. Lechenger,
through whom the silver service was
purchased, and the cruiser Houston
committee, the public is prvilej-ed
to see the service.
popular and pretty young co-ed,
elected secretary; Sterling Jacl
was returned treasurer,