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The Cougar, Vol. 5, No. 10, April 13, 1932
File 003
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The Cougar, Vol. 5, No. 10, April 13, 1932 - File 003. April 13, 1932. University of Houston Libraries. University of Houston Digital Library. Web. September 20, 2019. https://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/10270243/item/104/show/102.

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(April 13, 1932). The Cougar, Vol. 5, No. 10, April 13, 1932 - File 003. Daily Cougar. University of Houston Libraries. Retrieved from https://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/10270243/item/104/show/102

Disclaimer: This is a general citation for reference purposes. Please consult the most recent edition of your style manual for the proper formatting of the type of source you are citing. If the date given in the citation does not match the date on the digital item, use the more accurate date below the digital item.

The Cougar, Vol. 5, No. 10, April 13, 1932 - File 003, April 13, 1932, Daily Cougar, University of Houston Libraries, accessed September 20, 2019, https://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/10270243/item/104/show/102.

Disclaimer: This is a general citation for reference purposes. Please consult the most recent edition of your style manual for the proper formatting of the type of source you are citing. If the date given in the citation does not match the date on the digital item, use the more accurate date below the digital item.

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Title The Cougar, Vol. 5, No. 10, April 13, 1932
Alternative Title The Cougar, Vol. V, No. 10, April 13, 1932
Contributor
  • Marks, A.
Date April 13, 1932
Language English
Description From masthead: "The Cougar of The Houston Junior College, Houston, Texas. Established 1928."
Subject
  • College student newspapers and periodicals
  • University of Houston
Place
  • Houston, Texas
Genre
  • newspapers
Type
  • Text
Identifier LH1.H6 C6; OCLC: 10270243
Collection
  • University of Houston Libraries Special Collections
  • University of Houston Archives
Rights In Copyright - Copyright Owner Unlocatable or Unidentifiable
Item Description
Title File 003
Transcript THE COUGAR PAGE THREE -:- JUST FOR FUN -:- Gladys J. — "It says here in the paper that the Marines have landed fc and have the situation well in hand. What does that mean?" Ruth D.—"Gee, ain't you ever been • out with a Marine?" Old Judge Simmons of New Orleans lost a good sized purse on account of a "kitten's whisker" finish between his fine black mare and a horse that had come down there from Maryland. i When the judges gave the race to the Maryland horse, Judge Simmons turned to me and said, in a faltering voice: "My goodness, boy, I'm so unlucky that if I were Lazarus dead in the tomb and the voice of the Lord said, 'Lazarus, come forth,' I would come fifth." " A business man was involved in a legal trial. On the date set for the verdict, he found it necessary to leave town, but left instructions with his lawyer to wire him as soon as the verdict was rendered. The verdict was duly rendered, and the lawyer wired as follows: "Justice has been rendered at last." When the business man read the telegram, he wired right back: "Start proceedings to appeal the case." A youth had been taking treatments at a hospital. In spite of the tonic the doctor had given him, the youth had appeared to be getting weaker with t each visit. "Are you sure you have been taking the medicine regularly?" the doctor asked. • "Yes, doc, every four hours, like it says on the bottle." "Well, that's most surprising that • you don't respond to treatment," said the doctor. "Thousands of my patients have been built up by thii tonic, and I never knew it to fail before. What • is your business? Maybe that hts something to do with it." "I'm an automobile salesman," said # the sick man. "Great heavens, why didn't you say so?" cried the doctor. "No wonder you're-getting weaker day by day. Here's a dollar. Go out and get something to eat." Inspector—Got away, has he Did you guard all the exits? Country Constable — Yes, but we think he must have left by one of the entrances. Colored Doctor—Well, Ah'i knocked de fever outen yo' husband. Mandy—Den he's gwine to get well? ■> Doctor—Not a chance; but yo' has de satisfaction o' knowin' he died cured. * St. Peter—And here is your golden harp. Newly Arrived—How much is the first payment? Wife (at busy crossing)—Now remember, Herbert, the brake is on the left—or is it the right—but don't . Henpecked Husband —For heaven's sake stop chattering. Your job is to smile at the policeman. . Hulda: "I guess you played around with all the French girls while you were in Paris." A. Burns: "No, not all of them. I * was only there for two weeks." "I'se berry sorry. Deacon Johnsing, to see you comin' outa de bootlegger'* house." _. "Can't help it, Sister Goldbug, I'se gotta go home once in a while." Portia G.: "Isn't Roger a naughty dog, mummy? He ate my doll's slipper." Mother: "Yes, darling, he ought to * be punished!" P. G.: "I did punis' him. I went itwaight to the kennel an' dwank his tnilk." A man and his wife were having tea in a fashionable restaurant "Shall we dance, dear?" asked the husband, rising from his chair. "That wasn't the orchestra playing," replied his wife. "The waiter dropped a tray of china." A traveling salesman found himself in a village hotel dining room when a heavy downpour of rain set in. Addressing the waitress, he remarked: "It looks like the Flood." "Like what?" the girl inquired. "Like the Flood. You've read ol the Flood and how the ark landed on Mount Ararat, haven't you?" "No, sir. I haven't seen a newspaper for three days," she confessed. SCIENTIFIC HUMOR Direction of Fred Page John: What shall I do to get my balky mule to go? George: Explode T.N.T. under him. John: (Sometime later), I did what you said and now I can't catch him, what shall I do? George: Do the same to yourself. George, (next day): Well, did you get your mule? John: No, but I got his bridle as I j went by. "Nigger" Page: They laughed at me when I made a new kind of dynamite, but when I dropped it they exploded. -—-Relieving Her Feelings Movie Star: Marie, get the glycerin. I want to have a good cry. HARD ON THE DOCTORS "I've just heard your son was an undertaker. I thought you said he was a physician?" "Not at all, I just said he followed medical profession." SHORT AND SNAPPY Judge: What's your name, occupa- toin, and what's the charge? Prisoner: My name is Sparks, I am an electrician, and I am charged with battery. Judge: Put this guy in a dry cell. ALL TOO TRUE Mrs. Bishkin, (to Mr. Bishkin): Every time you see a pretty girl, you forget you're married. Mr. Bishkin, (to Mrs. Bishkin): You're wrong, my dear. Nothing brings home the fact with so much force. Among the things that makes traveling difficult for the student of science, on the road to success, is the heavy traffic coming back, IN A POSITION TO KNOW "Hadn't you better go and tell your father?" asked the postman to the chemist's small son who stood looking at the crushed walls and roof of his father's small laboratory that had been wrecked b an explosion. "He knows." "Knows? How can he know?" "He's under the wreckage." WE AGREE A negress went to her husband's doctor and said: "Doctah, ah's come to see if you am gwine to ordeh Rastus one of dem mustard plasters agin." "I think, Mandy, he'd better have one more." "Well, he says to ax yo' kin he have a slice of ham wif it 'cause it's mighty pow-ful to take alone." THEY WANTED TEST TUBES Roger Bell, Boone Roberts and Sam Tremonte, three timid freshmen chemistry students, stood chattering in front of the chemistry store-room door. Mr. Flanaghan, evidently recognizing the boys, said: "What do you want Mr. Roberts?" "I want two soft glass test tubes." Mr. Flanghan, after searching several minutes in vain for the tubes, decided that he could save time by opening a new carton of tubes. He climbed a ladder, brought down the carton containing the tubes from the top shelf of the store-room, opened the carton, gave Roberts two tubes, and returned the carton to the same shelf. Then he said: "What do you want Mr. Bell? "I want two soft glass test tubes." "Why didn't you say so before?" said Mr. Flanaghan, irritably, as he climbed the ladder again. He brought down the carton as before and gave Bell the two tubes and then turned to Sam Tremont. "And do you want two test tubes too?" he demanded "No," replied Sam hesitantly. Mr. Flanaghan climbed laboriously to the shelf again and deposited the carton of tubes. Then he returned to the store-room door, where Sam was grinning sheepishly. "Well, Sam, what do you want?" he demanded. "I only want one test tube," said TWO CLASSES Mr. Bishkin was heard to remark the other day that he had two classes of chemistry students: "those who do their best work today and forget about it, and those who promise to do their best tomorrow and forget about it." LIFE IS UKE THAT A little fellow of our acquaintance wants to know why vitamins were put in spinach and cod-liver oil instead of in cake and candy.—Boston Tran- MARCH OF CIVILIZATION Explorer: "Just to show you the advance in civilization, in the past the Eskimo used to eat candles for dessert." Old Lady: "And now, I suppose they eat electric light bulbs." In regard to the news that three- fourths of the explosives produced in this country are used in mining, some one asks if Chicago is in the copper or bituminous coal belt?— Detroit Fortunately, sustained oratory can't be prolonged by taking on more gas — Memphis News-Scimiter. ASK ANY MARRIED MAN A psychologist declares that single men are more truthful than married ones. But then they are not asked so many embarrassing questions. aCWKav -Pelt- Rip Harrison has more horses than a horse thief. Here's where the handsome Rip gets horsed. Aside from tap dancing Mr. Harris likes to play golf and talk to the co-eds. Ssh, here comes Mrs. Harris. Mr. Miner is sensative about his waistline. A little vanishing cream might make it decrease to a reasonable Frederick Augustus "Lieck is a farmer, but you'd never guess it. Alfred Butler is a railroad man but not a singing brakeman. Hope he appears in assembly more often. We'll be waiting, Alf. Miss Hubbard says those who live in France seldom take a bath. She ought to know after having lived there so long. It is being rumored that Mr. Dupre is learning to yo yo a yo yo. Here's hoping he makes a good yo yoer. Grocer (to small customer): Willie would you like to have an apple? Willie: No, sir. I'm afraid to eat 'em. Grocer: Why? Willie: Cause my grandfather died of applelexy. "Can you tell me," asked the judge, addressing Enrico Ufuzzi, under examination as to the qualifications for citizenship, "the difference between the owers and prerogatives of the king of England and those of the President of the United States?" "Yezzir," ppoke up Ufuzzi, promptly. "King, he's got a steady job." SCHOOLS KEEPING UP TO THE MINUTE Professor Kerbow emphasizes to his Education 123 students the fact that methods in teaching are continually changing and therefore a teacher must keep up to the minute in order to meet present day educational demands. In this connection, the April 9, issue of the Literary Digest says "Modernization is drastic. High schools and colleges are up to the latest moment in picking new courses and revamping old ones." The findings of G. W. Willet of La Grange, Illinois, on a survey of study courses in five hundred high schools show that "many classes delve deeply in social problems, peace and disarmament, prohibition and welfare work, marriage and divorce." Girls Notice FOUND—One black ladies' purse about four blocks from Junior College. The genuine calf leather money book among other things contained a : small briar pipe and a pouch of Gran- j ger Rough-cut tobacco. If owner will j please call at Couger office, the purse with pipe and tobacco will be returned upon identification of same. EUGENIA STEVENSON SELLS MOST GRIGGS TICKETS Eugenia Stevenson, by cashing in on that winning smile of hers, led both teams in the Griggs lecture sale contest. We venture to say that she could sell Professor Birney a Cougar. POLO CLUB ORGANIZED ; The Owhatanassiam club recently . organized a Polo club in order to keep , abreast of modern activities of its : competitive fraternities. All necessary i equipment has been secured with the i exception of the ponies and a field. j Members of the association were highly pleased when Brother J. A. Page announced through a megaphone at the last meeting that the Softe Hardware Company had donated a dozen croquet mallets. The club is already in possession of several tennis balls. Page stated that members wishing to try out for the team must report immediately for skull practice. It is rumored that the genial sports writer for the Cougar, "Rip" Harrison, is the proud owner of a thirteen year old bay mare which he will rent to the club. Since the treasury has a balance of $2.47, we hope "Rip" will join the club. He states the mare will be in condition about May 4, 1932. "She is recovering from a broken leg received while plowing and I want the fracture to heal completely before she is worked in a strenous game of polo," said Harrison. N. C. Jensen, general chairman of the Owhatanassiam athletic council is very optimistic; in regard to the opening game. "Only two players will participate simultaneously," said Jensen in an exclusive interview this morning. "Besides 'Rip's' mare, we have purchased a second hand bicycle to be used in opposition to the man on the mare. I will request all players to leave their yo-yos at home as yo-yoing while polo- ing will not impress the public." O. D. Brown and Gordon Jones have been chosen as leaders of two teams which will compete in the ticket selling campaign for the initial game. Meantime, the players are practicing on Fannin street dally as there is very little trafic between the hours of two and three a. m. "Plumbers"— (Continued from Page 1) any rent on it." Acting on his instructions, Jim took hammer and screw-driver and started pounding on the radiator as if to remove it. George was the first to speak. "Don't take it out," he pleaded. "How much is the rent?" "Ten dollars," he was told. "Will you give us just a minute to talk this thing over?" "All right, but make it snappy. Do you think we want to stay here all night? We have other business that must be attended to, and our wives and babies are at home alone." The boys went into a huddle, and the conversation ran something like this: "I haven't got but two dollars in cash in the room, George. What shall we do? We simply must keep that radiator in here tonight, or I'll bust that Chemistry test in the morning." "That's all right, Henry, I have five, and with the seven I think I can stall them off." Then to the plumber he said, "We don't have but seven'dollars cash in the room, but if you will take that, we can cash a check tomorrow, and give the rest to you then." "All right, give me the money, and I'll come back tomorrow afternoon for the rest. Come on, Jim, let's get going." So saying, the unwelcome guests gathered up their belongings and departed, slamming the door behind them. "George," Henry asked when they were alone again, "did you know that j we were supposed to pay rent on the ! radiator?" "No," was the reply, "but if they : say we have to pay, we have to do it. j They ought to know. Let's pay the bill on time from now on. I don't want another scare like that." Ten minutes later in Athletic Hall, a dormitory for the members of the various athletic squads of the college, two husky young athletes might have been seen removing their costumes, erasing their mustaches with soap and water, and preparing to call on some young ladies. Jim Watkins, the football star, alias Jim the plumber, said to his companion in crime, Joe Fisher, captain of the basketball team, "I don't feel right about taking those little freshmen's money away from them like that." "Forget it, Jim. The boys were sent here to get an education, and we might as well help them along. They should be glad to have a chance to contribute to so worthy a cause as ours. The whole idea is that we can't take the girls out if we haven't any money, and I konw you would not like to disappoint a couple of young ladies like tbe ones we have booked for tonight. Hurry up and get dressed. And say, are you sure you got those tools back into the basement without the janitor seeing you?" Debate Club— (Continued from Page 1) Harold Cohen, president, appointed Florence Kendrick and Pat McAlex- ander td serve with him as a program committee. Talks were given by Evelyn Hurwitz, "Oratory;" Arthur Burns, "Cotter's Saturday Night;" Donald Aitken, "Parliamentary Law;" Florence Kendrick, "Debate Judging;" Leon Green, "New Football Rules;" Sam Tremonte, "Famous Boxers;" Julian Hurwitz, "Regulation of Transportation," Pat McAlexander, "Water Supplies;" Jane Hudgins, "Duck Hunting;" Helen Hig- gins, "Equal Rights for Men and Women." Evelyn Cochran gave a declamation. Photographer—Do you think you can make a good portrait of my wife? _ Mr. Hooker—My friend, I can make it so lifelike you'll jump every time you see it. What did the landlady do when she found that you had left the light burning for three days? She turned us both out.
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