Keyword
in
Collection
Date
to
Download Folder

0 items

Houston Voice, June 24, 2005
File 016
Citation
MLA
APA
Chicago/Turabian
Houston Voice, June 24, 2005 - File 016. 2005-06-24. University of Houston Libraries. University of Houston Digital Library. Web. December 16, 2017. http://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/montrose/item/3815/show/3785.

Disclaimer: This is a general citation for reference purposes. Please consult the most recent edition of your style manual for the proper formatting of the type of source you are citing. If the date given in the citation does not match the date on the digital item, use the more accurate date below the digital item.

(2005-06-24). Houston Voice, June 24, 2005 - File 016. Montrose Voice. University of Houston Libraries. Retrieved from http://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/montrose/item/3815/show/3785

Disclaimer: This is a general citation for reference purposes. Please consult the most recent edition of your style manual for the proper formatting of the type of source you are citing. If the date given in the citation does not match the date on the digital item, use the more accurate date below the digital item.

Houston Voice, June 24, 2005 - File 016, 2005-06-24, Montrose Voice, University of Houston Libraries, accessed December 16, 2017, http://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/montrose/item/3815/show/3785.

Disclaimer: This is a general citation for reference purposes. Please consult the most recent edition of your style manual for the proper formatting of the type of source you are citing. If the date given in the citation does not match the date on the digital item, use the more accurate date below the digital item.

URL
Embed Image
Compound Item Description
Title Houston Voice, June 24, 2005
Contributor
  • Crain, Chris
  • Fisher, Binnie
Publisher Window Media
Date June 24, 2005
Language English
Subject
  • LGBTQ community
  • LGBTQ people
  • Gay liberation movement
Place
  • Houston, Texas
Genre
  • newspapers
Type
  • Text
Identifier OCLC: 31485329
Rights In Copyright: This item is protected by copyright. Copyright to this resource is held by the creator or current rights holder, and the resource is provided here for educational purposes. It may not be reproduced or distributed in any format without permission of the copyright owner. Users assume full responsibility for any infringement of copyright or related rights.
Note This item was digitized from materials loaned by the Gulf Coast Archive and Museum (GCAM).
Item Description
Title File 016
Transcript No flashbacks Janet Jackson experienced no wardrobe malfunctions when she accepted an award from the HRC. Page 22 JUNE 24, 2005 S6X on the first or second date? FOR MANY GAY MEN - AND LESBIANS —THE QUESTION IS:WHAT 2ND DATE? By MIKE FLEMING CCORDING TO MEN AND women in a wide range of occupations and age groups, there's decidedly more nuance to gay sex lives than television — or anti- gay pundits — would have us believe. And old stereotypes of gay men who are just out for sex and lesbians who only mate for life simply no longer apply. In a still-evolving era of gay activism, gay men and lesbians have more freedom than ever to define their own sexual mores, but the interpretations of that freedom are as widely varied as the people who make the decisions. "The way traditional sources of values like church and religion often devalue gay relationships and gay sexuality makes them of little use," says John Ballew, a counselor. "Instead, we tend to explore for ourselves and go with what works." Isaac, a 30-year-old New Yorker, says traditional notions about the connections between sex, dating and morality are limiting. "Do gays ever wait to have sex? My sexual decisions have virtually nothing to do with my moral value system in terms of religion," he says. "I think straight people do themselves a disservice by attaching old-school notions of romantic love to sex.... If a long-lasting relationship develops out of the fling, so be it. If not, well, there's plenty more men to choose from." But Ballew warns that sexual freedom comes with added responsibility and a lack of boundaries may lead to unnecessary heartache. When people View sex as "a race to the finish line," the fun of flirting, getting to know someone and cultivating passion are often ignored, he says. Greg Sterchi, a gay psychotherapist, agrees. "Many- people assume that, if you can ensure that there is a sexual connection, you can manage-other connections more easily," Sterchi says. "However, if these other connections are not built or do not naturally develop and the sexual interest fades, it's much like building your house on the sand." First-date sex can set up misplaced expectations or blow the chance at a longer relationship, according to Ballew. It's risky because "it can lead to separating people into two camps: those you date, and those you have sex with," he says, adding that the dichotomy can lead to relationships that are committed but sexless or sexual encounters that hold less emotional satisfaction. "If you're really interested in dating someone rather than just hooking up, there are often many important things to find out about someone beyond exploring sex with them," Ballew advises. "For most men, once they've (Illustration by Joey put a guy in the category of "trick,' he's going to have a hell of a time moving from there to the 'boyfriend' box." People cite influences on their sexual behavior from race and age to level of comfort with being gay, level of intoxication during a date, the number and type of relationship experiences and health status. Sterchi cites a fear of rejection as primal. Some people are so invested in not being perceived as promiscuous, that they "play hard to get" in order to retain the other person's interest and bolster a fragile sense of self-acceptance. Others use their insecurities to make premature sexual commitments in an attempt to keep a person's interest, he says. Rather than falling into black-and-white categories, no one interviewed says they follow a strictly "cautious" or overtly "cavalier" pattern of sexual conduct. For Foland, sex is not about values in the traditional moral sense, but she does "respect others' boundaries" and does not "date people in relationships." Although waiting to have sex is "of course the ideal romantic scenario," says Hal Garstein, a 42-year-old New Yorker, "I can't think of a single relationship where this has happened." Chris, 37, in Houston, says sex and dating are not necessarily intertwined. "If [a guy] is attractive, but not what I'm looking for to date, then I'll have sex with him if it comes to that," Chris says. "It takes me an hour or so with someone to tell if we are dating material, but like I said, you can always sleep together." AT FIRST GLANCE, IT MAY APPEAR THAT A popular stereotype is true: approaches to sex are based on gender. But Bootsie. a lesbian in Houston, admits she "rarely waits" to have sex. "Emotional attachment is nice," she says. "When you find that person, step on the gas. Otherwise^ if there is a sexual attraction and they are a nice gal, I am ready to roll." Sterchi says just as many lesbians rush the process as gay men because being gay still isn't fully accepted in society, and they seek a connection through relationships. Much more than gender, age appears to be one of the biggest determining factors for people who wait to have sex. Several women say that they leaned more toward sex for its own sake when they were younger, and just as many men say they become choosier as the years go by "I think as I get older, the wisdom kicks in," says Chris from Houston. "I would say I am more selective, have more self worth. and'I am not jumping from bed to bed like in the past." Garstein reached "a point where I felt that I could make my own decisions about who I had sex with and when, as opposed to-trying to validate myself through others." But Isaac became "more open" about sex with age. "I'm no longer one to beat myself up if too much happens too early in the game," he says. "I also don't take it as personally when a potential partner turns out to be a loser." Life experiences also affect decisions about sex. Bootsie in Houston was diagnosed with Stage Four cancer four years ago. and now she gives more consideration to how potential partners might react to that knowledge, she says. Similarly, men with HIV face special challenges, according to mental health professionals. "I never used to give sex a second thought," says David, 37, in Atlanta. "Now that I have HIV, I only have sex after really getting to know someone and feel comfortable talking to him about it. I admit, I sometimes completely avoid dating just so the subject doesn't come up." People also differ on how far they let intimacy progress, differentiatmg between various sex acts based on the level of each relationship. "I don't like to go 'all the way' — to the point of penetration — until a few dates in," says Isaac from New York. "I'm not saying it's wrong to do that on the first date, but personally it feels too intimate too fast." Sexual freedom with no rules ultimately leaves gay people with the right to choose a sex life that makes them feel comfortable, and men as well as women say it's an important extension of their personalities. TO WONG FU': Houston's Jill Jordan plays in her own BIROS OF A FEATHER: A new book chronicles the true real-life version of the classic drag queen movie. Page 17 story of two gay penguins in New York City. Page 19
File Name uhlib_31485329_n1287_015.jpg