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Houston Voice, June 24, 2005
File 013
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Houston Voice, June 24, 2005 - File 013. 2005-06-24. University of Houston Libraries. University of Houston Digital Library. Web. December 17, 2017. http://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/montrose/item/3815/show/3782.

Disclaimer: This is a general citation for reference purposes. Please consult the most recent edition of your style manual for the proper formatting of the type of source you are citing. If the date given in the citation does not match the date on the digital item, use the more accurate date below the digital item.

(2005-06-24). Houston Voice, June 24, 2005 - File 013. Montrose Voice. University of Houston Libraries. Retrieved from http://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/montrose/item/3815/show/3782

Disclaimer: This is a general citation for reference purposes. Please consult the most recent edition of your style manual for the proper formatting of the type of source you are citing. If the date given in the citation does not match the date on the digital item, use the more accurate date below the digital item.

Houston Voice, June 24, 2005 - File 013, 2005-06-24, Montrose Voice, University of Houston Libraries, accessed December 17, 2017, http://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/montrose/item/3815/show/3782.

Disclaimer: This is a general citation for reference purposes. Please consult the most recent edition of your style manual for the proper formatting of the type of source you are citing. If the date given in the citation does not match the date on the digital item, use the more accurate date below the digital item.

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Title Houston Voice, June 24, 2005
Contributor
  • Crain, Chris
  • Fisher, Binnie
Publisher Window Media
Date June 24, 2005
Language English
Subject
  • LGBTQ community
  • LGBTQ people
  • Gay liberation movement
Place
  • Houston, Texas
Genre
  • newspapers
Type
  • Text
Identifier OCLC: 31485329
Rights In Copyright: This item is protected by copyright. Copyright to this resource is held by the creator or current rights holder, and the resource is provided here for educational purposes. It may not be reproduced or distributed in any format without permission of the copyright owner. Users assume full responsibility for any infringement of copyright or related rights.
Note This item was digitized from materials loaned by the Gulf Coast Archive and Museum (GCAM).
Item Description
Title File 013
Transcript 12 JUNE 24, 2005 www.houstonvoice.com HOUSTON VOICE VJ-^WDOint RICH ARENSCHIELDT I ^^ What to do when it's time for a new ride and you've never been good with k-/ * bikes, trikes and automobiles. Before the Parade passes by I'VE ALWAYS HAD TROUBLE WITH wheeled objects. I was a scrawny kid with ADHD before it was trendy (sometimes in math class I'd say "Oh look...a chicken!"). My body and brain only rarely operated in synch ronicity. During my prepubes- cent dork-dom I had a childhood hero, an amazing high school guy named Reese, the only person on the planet able to successfully teach me how to ride a bike. In an effort to accustom me to locomotion, Dad unwisely purchased a "mini- bike" for us. My lesbian sis shares Evil Knievel's genetic code - she loved it. But I was a victim of circumstance. The helmet slipped over my eyes and I plowed into our 15-year-old-German Shepherd whose severe hip dysplasia was not substantially improved as a result. Eventually I learned to drive, only to incinerate our Chevy Vega while traveling through a very ritzy neighborhood. As the car flamed, a Zsa Zsa Gabor clone appeared curbside and asked, "Do you think you could have this moved? I'm having a cocktail party at five." I called my father. "Dad, the car's smoldering like Chernobyl. Can you come get me?" He asked, "Well, SON, how the hell did that happen?" Snottily I replied, "Well DAD, I purposely lit a match and threw it in the gas tank." In the background I heard Mom screaming, "Oh my God, is he hurt? Is he burned? What? You didn't ask him if he was hurt?" Oh goodie, Dad is about to get hammered by his insurance agent and his wife. Bark, bark, I'm in the doghouse. AUTOMOTIVE GAY LIBERATION arrived in the form of a 1980 Datsun—a crappy car that matched my first Montrose apartment perfectly. My gang of slutty, funny friends lived at the bars at a time when gays used to actually speak to each other (before the Internet). At the club we would snag guys with pinpoint accuracy "Wanna go outside?" Upon seeing my decrepit car in the parking lot I would then witness my future ex-husbands "cute guy/crappy car" mental debate. What would he do? Usually we just sat in the car and "listened to music." This was a euphemism for "I'd like to mess around, do you think we can do this without getting arrested?" Invariably he would light a cigarette. I hated smoke but my genitals didn't possess any taste buds, so what did I care? We would sometimes exchange numbers, but mostly it was just fluid. I've learned not to be embarrassed by this — I have a friend who let somebody "listen to music," and the guy slept in his car for three days. The clunker's days were numbered. Driving down Pacific Street (having lost my muffler three blocks earlier) these queens yell, "Get a new car!" at me (in unison). Two weeks passed and I decided to purchase a baby grand piano instead. Seventy- two hours later the Datsun car suffered an aneurysm of imperial proportions. Grousing to my Mom, she" acidly said, "Maybe you can park your piano in the driveway and drive IT to work." This was typical — one minute she was petrified that I've been automotivlely cremated and in the next breath she said, "Your lack of forethought is entirely your own fault." Desperate, I slunk into a Hyundai dealership and bought a car from a guy with one wandering eyeball. Willfully ignoring his peculiar ophthalmologic condition exhausted me -1 wanted to leave but couldn't. I figured even a guy with a peripatetic pupil needed to earn a living. The "Can From Korea" turned out to be worthy despite the fact that the window handle fell off every time I made a left hand turn. This was only problematic once: I was stopped by a policeman and reached under the seat to retrieve the handle. I arose looking down his revolver barrel. Who knew that when you pee yourself, the cops let you off with a warning? EVENTUALLY I GRADUATED TO MY dream car, something that bespeaks gay respectability, safety and utter boredom — a clunky and unreliable Volvo. It's a great car but Swedish designers know nothing about air-conditioning. She had to go to the gynecologist last week as the result of a lack of blowing power (a first). When my mechanic called with that "thanks for paying for my wife's latest boob job" tone in his voice, he said, "you need a new (insert most expensive replacement part here) and it will cost you (insert MasterCard limit here)." I knew it was time for new ride. Since some people define gay middle age as the point when you start reminiscing more about your past than anticipating events in your future, I've decided to buck the trend. Now that I know all the pitfalls of "coming out" automotively I'm going to do it again focusing this time only on the fun parts. Look for me, I'll be driving one of those hilarious little square cars -the ones that you expect to see a dozen clowns pop out of at any moment, a "Scion" of my former self. m Rich Arenschieldt is a frequent contribu- *? tor to the Voice and can be reached through this publication. How do you tinue tc maintain a sense of Pride amid all the anti- gay rhetoric being voiced and th<r^ anti-gay legislation that has been passed? Vou cant possibly lose your sense of Pride when you are chairing the Pride Parade — it is very empowering! But there is always work outside of Pride to be done. LYNNSIXKIL1£R,48 Houston Accountant Stay proud! It's my party, and if they want to join they can. Otherwise, they need to stay on their side of fhe line. They had just better not cross it' JIMMY PHILLIPS, 50 Houston Teacher/actor/drector Because 1 am who I am' SHY ANNE, 38 Houston Montrose Clinic development associate Change is not an option for me. I believe those with an opposite opinion are wrong and truly are in need of change. Put yourself out there, believe in yourself, and great things always happen. Happy Pride! NICK BRINES, 34 Montrose FumJraisw/President, Pride Houston We're going to have a hell of a Pride Parade. JACK VALINSKI, 51 Houston Minister of propaganda Sound off about what's happening in your world at www.houstonvoice.com/soundoff. Interviews and photos by Dalton DeHart
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