26 JULY 2, 2004
www.lioustoiivoice.com HOUSTON VOICE
Got a bitch? Call 1-800-858-8088 or e-mail email@example.com
These are real bitches, sent in by real readers about gay life's little annoyances,
and the big ones, too.
SUMMING UP OUR "LESBIANS
leaders": They're in immediate
need of fashion advice, a professional hair style over $10, gym
membership, severe anger management counseling, and a definite need to get laid and chill out.
TO PARAPHRASE AL
Sharpton, gays supporting
George W. Bush is like chickens
supporting Colonel Sanders.
I'M TOTALLY AGAINST BI-
racial (black white) gay couples.
It's hard enough for Middle
America to accept two white
guys dating, much less accepting
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If you think "Oh Mary!" is a scathing comeback
to everything, you're not the latter-day
Dorothy Parker you think you are.
a black and white gay couple.
HMMMMM! WELL LET ME SAY
this, first of all — it's like, that's
the way most gay men of queer
attitudes are the way they are
and none can't really change the
way they act or think. However I
just don't pay too much attention to it. But in some ways, it's
a good way most of the time —
bitching, that is!
Bitch Boy responds: Listen to Whitney and
put down the pipe and back away slowly...
IF YOU ARE IN YOUR 40S, SIN-
gle and looking, in better shape
that most 40-year-olds and average
looking, please do not think you
are Brat Pitt. Drop the attitude
and perhaps you'll find a husband.
AS A VERSATILE OPENLY GAY
man, it's my pleasure to be on top
of a down low brother (a.k.a. low
down brother). Now who's on top?
ARE THERE ANY LESBIANS
out there who can commit and
cherish just one girl or do you all
lie to keep women around while
it's convenient? Some of us do
have hearts, you know.
Bitch Boy responds: And they say lesbians
and gay men have nothing in common!
MARRIED GUYS THAT HAVE
"opened" their relationship need
to see they don't love each other
that way anymore, and should
stop pretending, move on and
IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT GAY
friends are the first to assume any
health problem you have is an STD,
Hill 111 4 JtrippiE j
III fill SldltfMl
but why do gay doctors always leap
to that conclusion as well?
Sometimes gay men just get sick!
TO A CERTAIN WASHED-UP
circuit patriarch whose milkshake doesn't taste much better:
There is no speed in this queen!
Isn't it time you take a good look
in the mirror and ask yourself
WHAT IS IT WITH TRIFLING
queens who feel they need to
degrade others to make themselves feel better? Do they not
realize that doing so makes them
look like trash?
DEAR BITCH BOY: I JUST WOKE
up from dreaming I was totally
topping you, from behind,
which figures because I've
never seen your face. I need to
be sponged off now, but meanwhile, there must be photos of
you naked, or at least barefoot,
floating around. How can I
Bitch Boy responds: My first name ain't
baby, nasty boy. Play on, playa!
TO THE GUY WHO SAID HE
wasn't a racist because he was
not "into blacks": Yes jerk, you
and all others who make statements regarding race like you do
are racists as well as stupid.
HAIR VS. BALD DOESN'T
matter. Any guy who has lived
through basic training in the
military will tell you that hair
doesn't make the man, especially
when you're standing in a shower room with 10 totally hot
"shaved head" raw muscle men.
It is abs, pecs, biceps, rock hard
buttocks and swagger. 'Nuf said!
TO THE 21-YEAR-OLD WHO
said his generation doesn't need
drugs and backrooms: Well, I'm
in your generation, and I see
plenty of evidence to the contrary.
TO THE PEOPLE WHO SAY,
"There is someone out there for
you," or "When you stop looking,
you'll find him": Where did you
ever find a crystal ball that
works? Maybe you should look
for stock market prices instead of
offering empty platitudes to guys
who've already been hurt enough!
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