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The Cougar, Vol. 6, No. 10, March 31, 1933
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The Cougar, Vol. 6, No. 10, March 31, 1933 - File 001. March 31, 1933. University of Houston Libraries. University of Houston Digital Library. Web. September 22, 2017. http://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/10270243/item/59/show/55.

Disclaimer: This is a general citation for reference purposes. Please consult the most recent edition of your style manual for the proper formatting of the type of source you are citing. If the date given in the citation does not match the date on the digital item, use the more accurate date below the digital item.

(March 31, 1933). The Cougar, Vol. 6, No. 10, March 31, 1933 - File 001. Daily Cougar. University of Houston Libraries. Retrieved from http://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/10270243/item/59/show/55

Disclaimer: This is a general citation for reference purposes. Please consult the most recent edition of your style manual for the proper formatting of the type of source you are citing. If the date given in the citation does not match the date on the digital item, use the more accurate date below the digital item.

The Cougar, Vol. 6, No. 10, March 31, 1933 - File 001, March 31, 1933, Daily Cougar, University of Houston Libraries, accessed September 22, 2017, http://digital.lib.uh.edu/collection/10270243/item/59/show/55.

Disclaimer: This is a general citation for reference purposes. Please consult the most recent edition of your style manual for the proper formatting of the type of source you are citing. If the date given in the citation does not match the date on the digital item, use the more accurate date below the digital item.

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Title The Cougar, Vol. 6, No. 10, March 31, 1933
Alternative Title The Boogar, Vol. VI, No. 10, March 31, 1933
Date March 31, 1933
Language English
Description From title page: "Published by the journalism students of the Houston Junior College."
Subject
  • College student newspapers and periodicals
  • University of Houston
Place
  • Houston, Texas
Genre
  • newspapers
Type
  • Text
Identifier LH1.H6 C6; OCLC: 10270243
Collection
  • University of Houston Libraries Special Collections
  • University of Houston Archives
Rights In Copyright - Copyright Owner Unlocatable or Unidentifiable: This item is protected by copyright. Copyright to this resource is held by the creator or current rights holder; however, for this item, either (a) no rights-holder(s) have been identified or (b) one or more rights-holder(s) have been identified but none have been located. Users assume full responsibility for any infringement of copyright or related rights.
Note This is an April Fools' Day issue of The Cougar.
Item Description
Title File 001
Transcript THE BOOGAR f PUBLISHED BY THE JOURNALISM STUDENTS OF THE HOUSTON JUNIOR COLLEGE J HOUSTON, TEXAS, FRIDAY, MARCH 31, 1933 GRAFF ZEPPLIN TO FLY OVER CITY 'N DROPCREAMPUFFS Bull, Burp, Balogna Featured I n Tent (Continued on page 86) FLASH! John D. Wattafeller has donated $25,000,000 to the Houston Junior College, according to an announcement today by Eddie Cantor, self-styled president of this great institution. The money will be used to endow a University of Houston and tentative plans call for a large campus situated on the present site of Herman Park. The new school will include 15 academic buildings, 7 dorms, a football stadium seating 100,000, and a student's building where beer will be served free to those making E's or better. Concerning the gift from Mr. Wattafeller, Doc. Eddie Cantor said: "We deeply appreciate Johnny's gift and we hope that he will make a habit of donating to us. You see us school guys is gotta live." Willie Dates, president of school Board issued the following statement: "Since Johnnie has give us some dough, we are passin the benefits to students by havin free tuition." Lean Dupre says: "I rekon as how our jobs is safe since Jawn D. broke loose wid t little kale." The trustees of the new school decided to name it "Wattafeller Insti tution" in honor of the great bene factor of humanity. Other features of the new college include: (1) "Free ice for free nearbeer.' (3) "Smaking permitted in class. WHAT! NO DEER, OR NATHY NATHY ON ALL YOUSE GUYS BURGLARSCAUGHT ^eVce^lTneLsElIw OPENING DOOR TO R SCHOOL OFFICE (4) "Teachers don't mean a thing (if they ain't got that swing—poop poop padoop,—shamey.) (5) "Classes will be 15 minutes or (6) "Etc." FLASH! AGAIN On looking at Wattafeller*s gift again we find it to be one of his famous "shinney dimes." What a man, what a man! . Continued on page 4) The charming newspaper r W. Skipper was startled last night by a peculiar noise. A few momenta later a window was opened and in stepped two young ladies, wearing 2.glowing red masks. Mr. Skipper backed against the wall with wide eyes, and his mouth a large gap in his face. Horror was the dominating emotion writent across his map. While one of the girls held a small mean-looking pistol leveled at the heart of this insignificant "Wal ter Winchell," the other young lady explored his pockets and finally found a small black note-book. After thanking C. W. for his co-operation they disappeared through the window from which they came. Students can now eat their dinner without having their favorite dessert published in "The Cougar" now that the "little black note-book" is gone. Latest Flash!: Police report that the two heart bandits have been captured and are now in Cell 418, City Jail, where their friends may visit them. They are listed on the police blotter as Ethel Margaret Falk, 14, 1907 Dowling Ave., and Mary Elizabeth Horan, 12, 4909 Vs Ave E, Galveston, Texas. damning evidence" which caused the apprehension and incarceration of the two bobbed-haired thrill bandits was a small black notebook, which is said to contain much damaging evidence concerning activities of students and faculty members at the H. J. C. "Buy American" Says Local Street Sweeper Here's news for you for the first time published and by the request of the students mentioned. Hamp Robinson and Mary Bradley have secured their marriage license, wish you the best of luck . . . Kitty Hurlock is now going steady with Clark Gable . . . Libbye Lewis is secretly married to a boy whose initials are A. S. . . . Ada Dickey has a boy friend at A. & M. College . . . Lucy Grady once won a beauty contest. (Believe it or not) . . . George Moers, short, brunette, graduate of San Jacinto, is now attending Houston Junior College . . . Bill Henderson will not tell his hobby—we wonder why . . . This may be a shock but Max Cohen made six A's in his courses .. . T. V. Rogers, and Welton Lee Salm, are two of the nicest boys in our school, saw them at Boysen's the other night, with Lucille Black and Dorothy Frew . . . Saw Isreal Rabinowitz after two o'clock in the morning kissing his girl, in fact we even know who she is . . . Did J. P. Morgan blush the other night; you ask him why . . . Read in yesterday's paper from New York that Adolph Marks is the advertising "The Big Conflagration" Great clouds of black smoke were billowing toward the sky. The whole etherial domain was tinged with red as great tongues of fire leaped to the heavens. General confusion reigned as a third degree fire alarm sounded. All the fire-fighting apparatus in t city was called out because Juni College was burning, and Dupre just fiddled around. Students ran helter-skelter, one seemed to know what it was about. Night classes were in full force, all the students were so silent, as usual in their lessons that the alarm startled them. Each scholar grabbed his precious books and ran out of hi class-room in a daze. All were s bewildered that a wild scramble of bumping and knocking-down prevailed. Soon the big sturdy footed gigolos ire safe on the outside. Then came e crippled brigade of flappers marching out in squad formation. The brave fire-fighters were running hither and thither in their mad search for the fire. A very heroic squad of the more manly students composed of Robert Piehl, J. J. Mooney, Joe Green, Joe Yates (no kin to Jack Yates) formed a unit and decided to venture back at great peril into the fire illuminated building. Stealthily they stepped. Each second brought them nearer, maybe, to certain death. On they fearlessly marched. What a courageous band of "men," (?) everyone suddenly thought. Smoke filled the air, it was stifling but onward they went. Down a corrider where volumes of thick black Continued on page 4 WHY DANCE? ASKS 100 YEAR GIGOLO (Special to Dean Dupre from Grantland Rice) ;ar Sir: Please allow me to congratulate you on the marvelous records made by the athletic teams of Houston Junior College during the past several years. You and the entire coaching staff composed of one (1) Archie W. French, deserve much credit for the fame these teams have brought to your school. I also wish to congratulate you id Coach French because of your work in developing those All-Amer- ican football players; namely, George Adams Le Fever, Jr. (Ah, how my heart grieves with you when I realize how sorely you need a player of his caliber this year), Israel Rabinowitz, H. A. Willrich, and Stillman Taylor. What big brutes of men these specimens of American manhood are! Archie (Mastermind) French has also been selected as AU-American all-around coach. Ah, the stategy that man used! I will never forget the time he had his star fullback, Rabinowitz, make a touchdown for the opposing team so that they would become over-confident. And how he could take defeat! Remember the time the opposing base gall team nosed out his nine by the score of 597-0? What a man! You will probably be pleased to know that you have been awarded a membership in the N. A. V. A. M. Club. I take great pleasure in stowing this honor upon you. By the way, could you lend me five dollars until next Tuesday? Your old Grantland Rice P.S.—Don't forget the five. What Is This Thing Called Courage? OR, IS A BOY'S BEST FRIEND HIS MOTHER AL CAP0NE GIVES TALK IN ASSEMBLY T0H.J.C.STEWENTS I'm pleased to meecha and I hope that youse guys will profit by mistakes dat I made," said Al Capone when he recently addressed H. J. C. assembly, "and if dere is any ting dat any of youses wants me to tip you off about—then lets hear it, or forever after keep yer trap shut." Capone moved his audience to tears when he told them about the time he had to bump off his mother. "M udder was as good a dame as a guy could find anywhere, but she tried musslin in on me busness—and I just had to croak de ole lady for de good of de business I guess it's bad to bump yur own mudder, but I was kinda sorry frterwrds." Al told about his rapid rise in the crime world from the very beginning. "I wuz mish—, ambish—, aw hell! I wanted to do something big rollled in nite school. That was the Chicago Crime College. I majored in beer running and hijacking getting me degree in tree years time. That wuz because I much outside work. An you mugs listen, I paid me entire tuition tru dat school by forged checks." The noted gangster explained how i decided to continue his education crime. "I wanted one o dim doctars degrees ,and I tawt dat I would look swell in one o dose black nite gowns dat collies guys wear. So to de insti- tushun of higher loirning for you, Al, I see to me. Capone explained the importance of machine gunning in gang wars, told about his post graduate work in those fields. In fact he wanted to show just how adept he was with the gun by plugging Lucy ,dy, but that could be no proof because it is almost impossible to mis3 hitting Lucy. "I don ant to bore yuh wid a lot o chin music, so I will have some o de boys to pass out pretzels and And dat beer is de best stuff dat crooks can steal." BY THE EDITOR Of all the ambitious young men earning glory an livelihood by their fistic prowess, Kid King was among the least promising. He was big enough, strong enough, and ugly enough—but he just lacked courage. When Joe Devon, his diminutive, but astute manager, sought the Kid for a training period he always found his fighter engaged in moody session of thumb-twiddling. When Kid King was not active at playing with his digits he wduld climb under the gym's boxing ring and sit and bite his finger-nails. All efforts to extricate him were of no avail. His manager told him the gloves were as large as pillows, his sparring partners were small, and the mat well padded—but Kid King refused to become addicted to the manly sport. The Kid not only refused to grow enthusiastic, but he also expressed complete and profound lack of interest. Put in its mildest form— the kid was afraid. One day the Kid's customary brooding spell was interrupted by his manager: "I just signed you for a fight. The opposition will be old Tom Gunn. He is so punch-drunk that he thinks John L. Sullivan is still champ. King's only response was a half- audible sigh of regret. Somehow he could not sum up the courage to make his local debut in the prize- ring. "I was just thinking, Joe, and I decided to get a job and go to work. Then I can pay you back the money you spent for my railroad fare here." "Don't look so morbid Kid. Why, when I picked you up at Colton College I thought you had the markings of a champ, but now you turn out like this." "I am afraid you don't understand," explained the ex-Colton football star. "I'm not ungrateful, but I want to smoke the calumet of peace and forge the swords into plowshares." What he, no doubt, meant was to turn the padding of boxing gloves into padding of a pillow so he could lie down and sleep it off. "If that's the way you feel about it—Okay. But you can beat this punk with one hand. Why he's so old that " The night of the fight found fight- manager Joe Devon engaged in taping the hands of an inspired Kid King. The Kid understood that Gunn was just a set-up who spent most of his time in the ring in a horizontal position. When the duelists met in the center of the ring for final instructions from the refe: King beheld an aspect that almost staggered him. He looked at Gunn: never had be seen so hideous a face. There were cauliflower ears that were evidence of his inability to ward off blows. Deep scars above his eyes suggested the trench-work of the late war. A flattened nose was nothing more than a pancaki distorted flesh and cartilege which had probably been hammered on more than a blacksmith's anvil. The mouth! It was studded with so many scars that one glance at it reminded Kid King of the sides of a zipper. The uglycountenance of Gunn looked as if it had been run through sausage-grinder. At the bell, King proceeded to play the Anvil Chorus on that flattened nose with such rapidity and sureness, that Gunn looked up to see if somebody wasn't dropping bricks on his head from up above. He was still looking up when he regained consciousness. After having clouted Gunn into a sharp solo, King's confidence and eagerness to fight increased. He even Continued on page 3 BIRNEY BUYS RACE HORSES Bing Crosby, Rudy Vallee and their company of seventy-five famous stars will offer one of the most magnificent musical extravaganzas ever to be held in Houston, in Houston Junior College, April 5, at 7:00 o'clock. Among this group of internationally known celebrities of radio stage, and screen are Walter Winchell, the Boswell sisters, Ed Wynn, the fire chief, the.Baron and Charley. One of the highlights of the program, which is full of the latest musical numbers just off Broadway, will be a beauty parade, with Clara Bow, Kay Francis, Greta Garbo, and Marlene Deitrich, exhibiting the latest in bathing wear from Palm Beach. Phil Cook will imitate three tongue-tied men in a zoo, Little Jack Little will play two pianos at the same time and Douglas Fairbanks will demonstrate his athletic ability while Will Rogers gives humorous comments on topics of the day. One hundred gigolos, most handsome—and pleasing will assist Rudy Vallee himself, who promises that Continued on page 4
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